RHONJ, Season 13, Episode 16–Teresa’s Wedding Special

The episode starts with Teresa and Louie’ wedding week kicking off. We get flashbacks to their relationship, which is still fairly new considering they are about to get married. Nothing says “we’re ready for forever” quite like realizing you’ve known each other for approximately five minutes.

The day before the wedding, they have their rehearsal dinner. Louie tells us that he sits down when he pees, and Teresa loves this about him. It’s a match made in Heaven. 

Louie’s’ sister is going to officiate the wedding, and I seem to recall that Joe Gorga is also an officiant. I wonder if he was asked? The Gorgas aren’t even coming to the wedding, so Teresa is going to have no family there, since both of her parents have passed away.

And underneath all the ridiculous wedding festivities, that is actually pretty sad.

Teresa gushes over her huge bridal party, which obviously does NOT include Melissa Gorga.

Gia says the only thing Teresa is stressed about is Joe Gorga. Gia can’t believe he isn’t coming and says she is done with him, and so are her sisters. Dolores is genuinely sad about the Gorgas not being there, while Jen Aydin seems relieved—and almost gleeful—that they aren’t coming.

The dinner is actually very nice, and everyone gives some pretty heartfelt speeches. There is a surprising amount of love and emotion in the room.

There is not a table flip in sight.

On her wedding day, Teresa is super emotional about missing her parents. I completely get this. My mom died about a week after my wedding, so I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to not have your parents there on such an important day.

Teresa’s makeup artist asks about Joe Gorga, and the Giudice girls—especially Gabriella, who is normally the quiet one—really do not want him mentioned at all. This is clearly still a very raw subject.

Then Jen Aydin comes to visit Teresa and brings her a gift. She also makes the unfortunate mistake of bringing up the Gorgas, and Gabriella starts crying.

This awakens Milania’s notorious temper.

She immediately starts yelling, and suddenly the peaceful wedding morning has turned into another episode of the Gorga Family Feud.

Teresa says she is done with her brother. She tries to calm Milania down, while Jen is visibly embarrassed that she caused all of this trouble. I think this may be the first time I have ever seen Jennifer Aydin actually sorry for something.

Eventually, the girls settle down, and we get some scenes of Luis and his family getting their wedding pictures taken.

But why do I feel like this wedding would actually be more interesting with the Gorgas there? At least we’d have some conflict. Instead, everyone is getting along and taking nice family pictures. What is this, a wedding or a Housewives episode where everyone is behaving?

They start tackling Teresa’s wedding hair, which obviously has to be big enough to accommodate her colossal crown.

Her hair is HUGE. It’s bigger than the state of New Jersey and higher than the Empire State Building. At this point, Teresa isn’t walking down the aisle so much as creating her own weather system.

The girls are amazed, although not necessarily impressed. Dolores thinks the hair should be lower, but admits that Teresa pulls it off like no other.

And she really does. If anyone can carry around an entire architectural structure on her head and make it look like a bridal hairstyle, it’s Teresa.

The guests start arriving, and Marge tells Jill Zarin that Marge Sr. isn’t there because the Gorgas aren’t there, and she didn’t think it would be right to bring her.

I’m sorry, but I don’t see the connection. What does Marge Sr. have to do with Joe and Melissa not attending? Did I miss a chapter of this family tree?

Teresa puts on her wedding dress, and everyone gushes over her while the guests outside slowly melt in the heat. Teresa, meanwhile, is wearing approximately 47 pounds of hair and a colossal crown. I hope someone remembered to bring industrial-strength air conditioning.

The ceremony is emotional and, remarkably, goes off without a hitch—or a Gorga in sight.

The reception kicks off, and it is VERY extravagant. There is food everywhere, and this is still just the cocktail hour. Teresa has apparently decided that nobody attending this wedding should ever experience hunger again, and that is the Italian way. Trust me.

Dorinda says she didn’t love Teresa’s hair, which feels like a pretty mild criticism considering the structure currently sitting on Teresa’s head.

Then Marge announces that she can’t stay. She is too upset about the Gorgas not being there.

I’m sorry, but I think this is ridiculous. If Marge was going to be this upset about Joe and Melissa not attending, why did she come in the first place? Did she think the Gorgas were going to magically appear halfway through cocktail hour?

You can’t spend all day crying about the people who aren’t there while standing in the middle of one of the most extravagant weddings ever filmed.

There are fire dancers and acrobats entertaining the guests while Teresa changes into her second dress. Because one dress apparently isn’t enough when you are having the most extravagant wedding in New Jersey.

Marge corners Dolores to complain some more about the Gorgas not being there, and just then, everyone’s phones start blowing up.

Joe Gorga is all over Instagram posting about what a great day he is having while his sister is getting married without any of her family there.

Louie is PISSED.

I go back and forth on who is ultimately to blame for the Gorga/Giudice feud, because there is enough blame to go around. But this? This is a dick move on Joe’s part. Your sister is getting married, she has no parents there, your family isn’t attending, and you’re publicly broadcasting what a wonderful day you’re having.

Louie says Joe’s behavior is disgusting, but he isn’t going to tell Teresa about it. He just wants her to be happy and enjoy her wedding day. Honestly, I think that’s probably the right call. There is no reason to ruin Teresa’s wedding over Instagram posts she can find out about tomorrow.

Then there is a burlesque show.

Seriously, where do they get the money for all of this? I guess I better not ask.

At least Teresa isn’t standing there paying cash on camera like she was in Season 1. She seems to have learned that particular lesson, at least.

Marge and Jen Fessler leave after the bridal party introductions, and in my opinion, it is totally rude. They showed up, ate their faces off at the cocktail hour, and then bailed. Bad form.

Teresa and Louie have their first dance, and everyone seems to be having a great time and genuinely happy for the newlyweds. The Giudice girls give some very nice speeches, and Teresa cries.

It is actually nice to have a drama-free episode for a change. But maybe I have been watching these shows for too long, because this episode just didn’t excite me.

Maybe a whole spin-off would have been better? I don’t know. Without the drama, it’s just big hair and lobster, am I right?