This week, the ladies are still in Japan, and Vicki is still kind of a downer. Maybe she will find some time to whoop it up. They all get ready for a surprise that Emily has planned. It’s The Muscle Girl Bar, a place where you can work out, get beaten up, and drink all at the same time. It kind of sounds like the Jersey Shore. Vicki hates it, because Vicki hates everything, but the rest of the women rally and have a good time.
Next, they divide into two groups to go to lunch and visit some capybaras, which sounds totally cool. I love animals, and the more exotic, the better. On the subway, it is dead silent and I love it. I wish all public transportation required quiet. Emily, Tamra and Jen go to Capybara Cafe and the animals are so cute. I want one. Tamra only cares about how big their balls are, because Tamra is gross.
At lunch, Shannon, Gina, Heather, and Vicki order sake and champagne, but meanwhile, the other women are bitching about Vicki and how her fun bus has left the station. Tamra says that she doesn’t know what to say to her anymore, and that Shannon makes excuses for Vicki. Gina questions Shannon about why she is not mad at Vicki for being friendly to Alexis Bellino, and Emily says that Vicki doesn’t even think that she is all that close to Shannon. Gina calls Vicki out on this, too. Shannon is shocked, and says she and Vicki speak almost everyday, and she thinks they are true friends.
Tamra says she is having a hard time getting past Vicki bashing her on her podcast a couple of years ago. Vicki said that Tamra chose fame over her own daughter, and Tamra thinks it’s a low blow, which it is–even if it is kinda true.
Back in the OC, Carmella and her boyfriend discuss her Diabetes and how lousy she has been feeling. She thinks it is stress related, so Housewives should be great for her. She regrets not going on the trip, and feels like she let everyone down.
In rainy Japan, Tamra starts smacking Shannon and Heather in the forehead, and I would literally deck her. They all head to a traditional tea ceremony, and I feel like Vicki is going to ruin it, so let’s see. Heather is really into it, especially the kimonos. Fancy Pants loves a theme. The Tea Master gives the history of the ceremony and it’s interesting, but history is probably lost on these women. Cultured they ain’t.
After the ceremony, Shannon brings up some inside jokes she has with Jen, and how the other women find it annoying. Emily says that Shannon should tell Jen that she is mad about Jen being nice to Alexis. Christ, can we just bury the Alexis thing, already? She sucks, and we all know it. Anyhow, Emily asks Shannon if she was bothered that Vicki had Alexis on her podcast, and, surprisingly, Shannon says it did.
Vicki gets defensive and says they didn’t even talk about Shannon and John, but the footage proves otherwise. Vicki is shady as fuck, and always has been. Emily says the whole thing is confusing. Vicki starts babbling about schematics, as always, and Tamra chimes in to ask about why she badmouthed her as a mother. Vicki says that was wrong, and that she is sorry. Tamra cries and asks how she could attack her about her daughter, who hasn’t spoken to Tamra in years. Tamra starts shrieking about how hurt she is. Tamra says she is so desperate to have Sydney back in her life that she sometimes wishes she had never even divorced Simon. I feel kinda bad for her here, and I don’t even like her, and am probably on her daughter’s side in all of this.
Shannon comforts Tamra and the other women give them a few moments alone. It’s nice to see them come together over this. Tamra says a lot of her anger comes from the situation with her daughter, and that Shannon has always been her safe space, so she misses her. I don’t get this. None of these women are what I would call safe spaces. That simply is not the nature of the job.
Later, Carmella calls Tamra and Tamra fills her in on the drama on the trip so far. Both Carmella and Tamra feel like Vicki has to back off of all the mom shaming. I tend to agree. Vicki is a judgy hypocrite who always thinks she is right. It, and she, have gotten old.
Some of the women head out to take little racer go carts for a spin around the city. The cars are cute, but I would have just stayed on the sprinter van. Oh, they dress up in onesies to drive the cars, because why the hell not?
Heather is the worst driver because Fancy Pants never drives herself anywhere. Gina, Vicki, and Jen hit the market for some shopping and ramen. Vicki doesn’t want to eat. Vicki never wants to do anything. Tamra tells Emily and Heather that she is still hurt by Vicki, but Vicki insists she was just retaliating for how awful Tamra is. Vicki thinks maybe Tamra wants to drive a wedge between she and Shannon. Shannon is still hurt that Vicki doesn’t think she and Shannon are that close. These chicks get butt hurt over everything, and it’s exhausting.
All of a sudden, Vicki and Jen are going at it, and Jen says she is tired of Vicki telling her what to do, and that she will do whatever the fuck she wants. Vicki tells her not to yell at her or she will walk out of the conversation. Isn’t Vicki always yelling? Wtf?
Gina says Vicki apologized and that should be the end of it, but Emily is still trying to cause trouble. She tells Tamra that Vicki was talking shit about Tamra and her daughter just last night, and doubled down on her comments. Tamra is livid and says she is done. Maybe someone should ask Vicki about her relationship with her daughter? She usually has to buy her a car or a house to get her to talk to her, right?
While they get ready for dinner, Shannon says that Archie, her dog, is not doing well. I feel so badly for her. Pets are the best. Maybe she can get a capybara. I don’t mean that as a joke. They look like nice pets. Either way, my heart goes out so Shannon here.
They all gather to make sushi, and Tamra can’t even bear to look at Vicki. I won’t make jokes about Vicki’s appearance her, but I kind of would like to. I am a bad person. Anyway, none of them are very good at making the sushi, but they still eat it.
I am pretty sure this is just the sushi before the storm, because shit is brewing between Vicki and Tamra. Tamra is literally looking at Vicki like she is shit under her shoe and then she dives right in.
Vicki says she is exhausted from fighting with Tamra and again misuses the word “schematics.” Housewives are SO bad at English. It makes me cringe. Vicki apologizes again, but points out that Tamra said nasty shit, too. Suddenly, we are talking about Brooks and the cancer scam again. For fuck’s sake. Vicki says Tamra just wants to create more problems, and Tamra looks ready to pounce and tells Vicki to watch her mouth and not talk about her daughter. The other women leave to let them duke it out.
Vicki waddles off yelling at Tamra and says she doesn’t even want to be around her because she has ruined her trip. She even stomps her foot, which I actually respect. I, myself, am a stomper.
Tamra sits in the room all by herself stewing and Vicki and Shannon come back in. Tamra is willing to talk as friends, so they sit alone for a bit. Vicki says Tamra does not respect her and Tamra goes back to the daughter situation. She calls Vicki out for doubling down on her statements and Vicki says she doesn’t even remember.
They both agree that the other are not nice people, and Tamra hints at problems in Vicki’s own family. I’d like to hear about them, personally. Vicki is so self-righteous, let’s dig up her skeletons for all to see.
Vicki cries and apologizes again and Tamra seems to accept it. That sure was a whole lot of build up for a whole lot of nothing, huh?
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