A reader e-mailed me and asked me to tackle the epic dinosaur clash between Ramona and Bethenny in the Berkshires. It’s not a bad way to spend a Wednesday afternoon. It’s 90 degrees out, I am grumpy. Why not stay inside and relive some Housewives craziness?
In the Berkshires, the women are trying VERY hard to talk Luann out of marrying Tom. If only. Even Dorinda is concerned.
Ramona can’t wait to tell Luann every bit of gossip she has heard. She does her super-soft serious voice, and it drives me crazy. Anytime this woman starts a sentence with “In all sincerity…” I die a little inside.
All of the women think Luann is more interested in the dream and romance than the actual man. They also all think that Tom is cheating. Luann is adamantly protective of her man and her relationship. Bethenny chimes in that there are too many red flags.
They bring up Tom’s prior cheating. Luann denies that it still goes on. She thinks the women are jealous.
They are hurling cheating accusations, and frankly, Luann is right: don’t they have anything better to do? They’ve made their point, and Luann is walking down that aisle, come hell, high water, or late-night makeout sessions at The Regency. Fidelity be damned.
Ramona doesn’t want Luann to be the last to know, and Carole has heard that Luann has second thoughts. Carole hates Luann. She can barely even pretend to be concerned about her.
Luann just wants the women to stop talking about her. Bethenny won’t stop. She would be going bananas if someone were doing this to her. Facts.
Sonja chimes in that Tom is not marriage material, and she should know.
Bethenny admits that none of them are truly happy for Luann and that Tom is just a “trick” guy who didn’t get laid enough in high school and is now out there trying to prove themself by cheating and making out with random women. Those guys are a real breed in New York. I have excavated a few. But, I digress again.
Bethenny still won’t drop it and is whispering about Luann in the other room. Tinsley admits that it’s hard to see your way out of a bad relationship, and she should know. Poor girl ended up in handcuffs during her last breakup. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen to Lua—Oh, we’ll save that for later.
Ramona thinks Bethenny is warming up to her since the Brynn fight in the Hamptons. This couldn’t be further from the truth, and Bethenny goes out of her way to avoid Ramona. But Ramona is ON her. She wants to apologize. She wants to be friends. Bethenny could not be less interested.
Ramona says she is going to go in the back door and apologize. Jeezus. This woman can’t say anything that makes sense.
Tinsley and Sonja are having issues now that Tinsley is living with her, and Bethenny’s advice is that she should grow up and move out. She has a point.
The women randomly decide to start a fire in Dorinda’s house, and do so in a fireplace that doesn’t even work. There is smoke everywhere, and I admire Dorinda in this scene. She is clearly annoyed, but still remains in hostess mode and just moves on from it. She must not have started dipping into the martinis yet, because I would be livid. Then again, I kind of hate having people in my house. So there you go.
Bethenny starts to say how she regrets her marriage. Luann says she should not forget that she now has her daughter because of it, and Bethenny takes offense. She feels like Luann has no idea what she has been through.
Bethenny likes to be all up in other people’s beeswax, but won’t hear boo about her own.
Bethenny starts crying big time. She thinks Luann is making a mistake. Her life is torture. It’s hard to tell. Only dogs can hear her now.
Carole reveals that Bethenny’s ex harasses her, and that is the source of all the tears. I thought it was concern for Luann? I am confused.
At dinner, Bethenny wants Ramona to stay away from her. I don’t know if Ramona is drunk or high on ecstasy, but she is acting strangely. She goes on and on about how juicy and succulent Dorinda’s chicken is. Also, it is so moist. So moist.
Ramona spills on Dorinda’s chair. Dorinda is once again a great hostess and tells her to forget it. Ramona keeps going on and on about it. She is in hyper mode, blinky eyes and all. Dorinda just wants to eat. The chicken is, after all, so juicy.
Ramona gives a rambling toast. Carole starts talking about abuse in the chicken industry. While they all eat chicken. She is a fun sponge and a half.
Ramona is still talking about the damn chicken like she just banged Mario for the first time or something. It’s nutty. She goes crazy over winning a chocolate Santa. I mean, crazy-pants crazy.
Then, as Bethenny puts it, she nominates herself for Creepy Apology of the Year award. She crawls onto Bethenny’s chair and whispers that she is sorry for the Brynn argument. It is one of her odder moments, and that is saying something.
Ramona tries to do another toast, and Bethenny is out. She wants to talk to Ramona privately to address the tension. Ramona is big buzzed by this point, and her crazy eyes and dramatic facial expressions are in high gear.
Bethenny doesn’t want Ramona to walk on eggshells anymore. Ramona cuts her off and puts on her defensive face. Bethenny can’t deal with the faces. Ramona is manic. She doesn’t want to go backwards.
Bethenny asks what she has ever done to Ramona. Ramona won’t discuss the past, and Bethenny says that Ramona has not been a good friend to her.
Ramona squints hard and says, “Are you kidding me?!” approximately twenty times.
Check back tomorrow for part two of this Jurassic clash. We are gonna mention it all!
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