RHONY, Season 10, Episode 17–Ship Happens: The Colombia Trip Part 3

At another gorgeous breakfast, Bethenny is still miserable.

She tells Sonja she doesn’t feel like she resolved anything with Carole.

Ramona comes in, and they all discuss the Dorinda and Luann fight from the night before.

Then Carole and Luann join them. They have a boat ride to a private island planned for the day.

Luann still feels like Dorinda sucker-punched her.

Tinsley comes in looking adorable and glammed to the hilt.

Dorinda is the last one to the table, and things get awkward fast.

She and Luann go at it almost immediately.

Dorinda says she has been a good friend to Luann and therefore can say whatever she wants to her.

Luann is furious and cannot believe Dorinda isn’t apologizing to her.

Bethenny tries to intervene, and Dorinda and Carole both tell her to butt out.

Bethenny goes after Carole, and Ramona bangs on the table trying to restore some order.

It doesn’t help.

Dorinda walks away, muttering insults at Luann as she goes.

Dorinda never seems to regret her drunken tirades, and I don’t get it. If I saw myself behaving like that on camera, I would really have to reconsider my relationship with alcohol.

Carole and Bethenny agree—again—that maybe they just don’t like each other that much.

It’s exhausting.

They were friends for what, like two years?

I’ve had pairs of pantyhose longer than that.

Carole wants to cancel the boat trip, but the other women say no.

Tinsley says the trip feels dark.

Bethenny goes on and on about Carole after she leaves the table.

She says she’s never had a fallout like this.

Um.

See Jill. Season 3.

Anyway, I am sick of the Bethenny/Carole thing.

Dorinda tells Carole she’s going to skip the boat ride, and Carole suggests that Dorinda and Luann speak to each other alone since things always get heated when everyone else is around.

Surprisingly, they start by hugging each other.

Well, okay.

Maybe there’s hope for these two.

Then they start arguing about who should apologize to whom, and I am kind of sick of this, too.

They ultimately agree to move on, but Luann tells us she will never forget what Dorinda said to her.

Fair enough.

Carole goes back to the table and finds Bethenny STILL talking about her.

I sigh on her behalf.

This is the longest breakfast ever.

I’m not even going to keep recapping the Bethenny/Carole conversations. I agree with Bethenny. Most relationships shouldn’t require this much work.

They finally go to the boat.

And suddenly, they’re all getting along.

I don’t hate it.

The pink champagne is flowing, the sun is shining, and Sonja is making out with everyone.

The private island is absolutely beautiful, and they’re greeted with welcome drinks in coconuts.

Again.

This is finally starting to look like a vacation.

They have a gorgeous villa, a beach, sunshine, and apparently no immediate plans to destroy each other.

Luann, Tinsley, and Carole find a dead crab and put it on Ramona while she’s lying in the hammock.

Ramona spazzes out with her bad ankle and everything.

It’s funny.

Ramona starts bossing the staff around.

Of course she does.

Sonja gets half naked and realizes she still has the price tag on her swimsuit bottoms.

She says it’s because she plans to sell it.

Icky.

Everyone is having a great time except Dorinda, who is sad and down.

She talks to Bethenny and admits she’s had a bad couple of days and feels terrible about what she said to Luann.

She seems genuinely remorseful, but she hasn’t really shown any of this to Luann.

I don’t get it.

Oh, wait.

Here she goes.

Dorinda sits down with Luann and tells her she’s sorry she hurt her.

Luann tells Dorinda she needs to take a look at her drinking.

Dorinda brushes it off.

It’s lunchtime, and Carole and Bethenny are the first two at the table.

Thank God they don’t speak to each other.

They need the break, and so do I.

Bethenny is mean to Tinsley. She thinks Tinsley talks about shopping too much.

Bethenny.

The woman who has been shopping like she’s trying to single-handedly stimulate the Colombian economy.

It’s petty.

The food looks amazeballs.

They barely eat a bite.

After lunch, Ramona questions Tinsley about whether or not she wants a career.

Tinsley doesn’t know.

Me either.

And yet, I have one.

So, there you go.

Sonja and Luann practice for Luann’s upcoming cabaret and try to get the other women to join in.

It’s ridiculous and painful.

The Countess is beatboxing with the Lady Morgan, and I don’t know why, but I want it to stop.

Then the staff comes in and, thank God, tells them they have to leave before the water gets too rough.

It looks like it already is.

That boat is also looking pretty small all of a sudden.

The coast guard says it’s time to go, and fast.

Everyone is being tossed around the deck, and Tinsley dismisses it as “a little bumpy” and “normal.”

Sure.

Sonja pees on Tinsley’s swimsuit.

I can’t.

Ramona thinks they’re about to die.

Carole starts puking into a bucket.

Turns out they only have one life jacket on board.

And they’re taking on water.

We hear a siren coming from the boat, and the camera is struggling to keep up as the boat is pitched back and forth.

The cameras have to go down because the water is too rough.

We cut to the women seventeen hours later.

Everyone is packing up to leave.

They give us the rundown of the boat incident, and they were all genuinely frightened.

The anchor was stuck, and the boat couldn’t reel it in, leaving them trapped in those rough waters until the captain finally cut the anchor rope.

No bueno.

So, to recap: one life jacket, a stuck anchor, rough seas, a boat taking on water, and a bunch of Housewives getting tossed around the deck.

Just your average relaxing girls’ trip.

At breakfast, the women all agree the boat ride was traumatic.

They also agree that most of them have the runs from all the street coconuts and local food they’ve been eating.

Bethenny, on the other hand, is constipated.

Of course she is.

Luann is so bad she’s MIA from breakfast until she suddenly comes running out, groans, and runs right back to the bathroom.

Tinsley feels like her trip was a real letdown.

Ramona is bothering the staff again, and I want to smack her.

Or kick her in her busted ankle.

Then we see Ramona’s poop stain on the floor.

I wonder for the thousandth time:

What is wrong with this woman?