RHONY, Season 7, Episode 1–The B is Back

We are coming off a few seasons without Bethenny, and it has been a mess of new girls, contrived fights, and tossed legs. I remember her return and what a big deal it was. People were ready for it. A reader recently e-mailed me to tackle this episode, and I am excited to do so. It has a nice mixture of old and new bullshit to excavate and unravel, so let’s do it.

We start with Bethenny pulling up to the Essex House Hotel with her dog, Cookie, and one of her assistants. She has been living in hotels while her seemingly endless divorce drags on. Her ex has her old apartment in Tribeca, so she has been in transition for two years. She calls herself a homeless person, which takes some nerve when you are arriving at the Essex House with an assistant and a dog.

She also tells us she is relieved her talk show was canceled. Her hotel suite looks great, so I’m a little confused about why she keeps bouncing from hotel to hotel. Can’t she just stay in one place while her new apartment is being renovated? She’s rich. She should make it happen.

She tells us about her brand and how scattered she feels, which seems to be the general theme of Bethenny’s life right now.

We see some shots of Kristen at home with her husband and kids. Her husband, Josh, is being a more hands-on dad. Meanwhile, their son is starting their two-year-old’s bath. Um, no.

Kristen, Carole, Heather, and Luann meet for dinner. They are getting ready to visit Luann’s new house in the Hamptons that weekend. Ramona and Sonja will also be there, although Luann isn’t on great terms with either of them, especially Sonja. Heather also has beef with Sonja.

All of the women are concerned about Sonja’s drinking and say they are done enabling her. 

We cut back to Bethenny, who is still talking about how busy she is. She reminds us she is a working mom. She is so busy she forgot to have her very expensive pants hemmed. Her outfit is still super cute, though.

Luann comes to visit. I don’t recall these two being friends. We see some flashbacks of them fighting over the years, but all seems well during the current scene. They catch up a bit and wax poetic about loves lost, and I remind myself that just a few years later, Bethenny will be screaming “Slut!” in Luann’s face. See the Bezerkshires recaps.

Bethenny and Luann discuss Sonja and Luann’s relationship with her, as well as Ramona, who is going through the Mario breakup shit. Bethenny hasn’t really had contact with any of the women the last few years since leaving the show after Season 3.

We get Ramona next, and she is meeting Sonja for lunch. Ramona tries to open up about her divorce, but Sonja really doesn’t allow her to do so. She makes it all about herself and goes on a very Sonja-style tangent about her own divorce a hundred years ago.

I tune Sonja out here. Ramona’s hair looks good. Actually, so does Sonja’s.

They switch to discussing the upcoming Hamptons trip. Sonja is nervous because of her strained relationships with the women.

Carole meets with her editor, who reminds her she is late with several of her deadlines. Carole is super blasé about this, and she annoys me here. Plenty of writers would kill to get the kind of contract she is probably getting, and she totally blows it off. There’s nothing like independent, generational wealth to kill motivation.

Her editor reminds her that this is a legal contract, and the bestselling author seems genuinely shocked by this information.

Next up, we have Ramona visiting Dorinda. They are old friends and spend some time discussing Ramona’s divorce. Dorinda is much more empathetic than Sonja and actually listens to her. Ramona’s hair looks really good again. There is nothing like a divorce to get you a glow-up. I looked great after mine.

Back with Bethenny, she is again surrounded by assistants, talking about how busy she is and how many fabulous events she attends. She says she is immune to the press and anything they say about her, and I guess she would have to be at this point.

Dorinda hangs out with her daughter, Hannah, and shows her some shoes she bought. They play-fight over Hannah’s spending and Dorinda’s boyfriend, John. It isn’t terribly interesting.

At Sonja’s townhouse, she has interns scattered all over the place. Oh, her tooth keeps falling out, but she has an intern for that. She has been very busy, she tells us. Too busy to keep track of her teeth.

She tells us she is finally out of her lawsuit and sold a house in France. She is doing great, but the details of the lawsuit are all over the news, and she doesn’t feel supported by the other women.

She has a gold facial to relax and gossips with the facialist about how mean the girls are to her. They don’t take her businesses seriously.

Nobody does, Sonja.

Dorinda visits her boyfriend at his high-end dry-cleaning business. We get some shots of fabulous and expensive-looking clothes, and Dorinda is in heaven just looking at them.

Bethenny meets up with her friend and realtor, Frederik, from Million Dollar Listing: New York. She whines on and on about being homeless and calls him a “spoiled queen.” It’s nasty. They check out some rentals, and she is rude to Frederik and the other broker. Somehow, they end up discussing butts and penises. I’m pretty sure Bethenny brings them up.

Then she cries some more. Like, in a car, on a street, where she is probably driving by actual homeless people, she calls herself homeless again. She wants a real home for her daughter, and I get that she craves stability, but she is far from homeless.

Then she cries that she wants another baby and is running out of time. She is really going through it. One thing at a time, girl. You just came back on the show. Slow down.