10 Housewives Who Would Absolutely Get Eaten by a Dinosaur

Some Housewives are built for survival.

Others would see a 30-foot dinosaur charging directly at them and somehow make it about themselves.

These are the women who would not make it out of Jurassic Park alive.

1. Ramona Singer — RHONY

Ramona would absolutely refuse to believe the dinosaur was dangerous.

She’d scream, run in the wrong direction, trip over something, yell at whoever was standing closest to her, and then somehow blame the dinosaur for ruining her vacation.

She’d also insist she was “very good with animals.”

She would not be.

2. Sonja Morgan — RHONY

Sonja would wander away from the group because she “just wanted to see something.”

Thirty seconds later, everyone would hear screaming from the woods.

Someone would ask where Sonja went.

Ramona would say, “See! You should have gone this way!”

3. Kelly Bensimon — RHONY

Kelly would see a dinosaur and immediately decide she understood it on a spiritual level.

She’d try to communicate with it.

The dinosaur would eat her.

Kelly would somehow still believe the encounter went well.

4. Danielle Staub — RHONJ

Danielle wouldn’t necessarily be eaten first.

She’d just somehow turn the dinosaur into her mortal enemy.

There would be accusations.

There would be screaming.

There would be security.

There would probably be a book about the experience.

And at some point, Danielle would announce that the dinosaur had threatened her.

5. Brandi Glanville — RHOBH

Brandi would see the dinosaur, say something wildly inappropriate, and then make the questionable decision to approach it.

“It’s probably friendly.”

It would not be friendly.

Brandi’s final words would probably be something that couldn’t be printed on a family-friendly dinosaur exhibit.

6. Dorinda Medley — RHONY

Dorinda would be perfectly capable of surviving the dinosaur.

The problem is that she’d stop to argue with it.

“You’re making me angry.”

The dinosaur would roar.

“I MADE IT NICE!”

The dinosaur would eat her.

And honestly, it would probably feel like the dinosaur won an argument it didn’t even know it was having.

7. Kelly Dodd — RHOC

Kelly would not run from the dinosaur.

She’d yell at it.

She’d accuse it of being stupid.

She’d tell everyone else that they were overreacting.

Then she’d somehow get into a fight with the dinosaur.

This is one of the few scenarios where Kelly Dodd might actually out-chaos the animal.

8. Aviva Drescher — RHONY

Aviva would absolutely survive the initial dinosaur attack.

Unfortunately, she’d eventually lose a body part and spend the rest of the afternoon insisting that everyone was being insensitive about it.

And if anyone questioned the story?

“THEY’RE ALL LIARS.”

9. Teresa Giudice — RHONJ

Teresa would actually have a decent chance.

Until someone suggested that the dinosaur was disrespecting her family.

Then she’d flip a table.

At a dinosaur.

Which is probably not an effective survival strategy.

10. Luann de Lesseps — RHONY

Luann would assume she could charm the dinosaur.

She’d approach it with complete confidence, probably humming something under her breath.

The dinosaur would eat her.

And somewhere in the distance, someone would hear:

“Money can’t buy you class.”

The dinosaur would disagree.