RHONY, Season 7, Episode 14–Conch Blocked: More Turks & Caicos

Ramona and Bethenny are still fighting over the damn salad Bethenny made for lunch.

Yes, the salad.

Ramona wants to go out for lunch, and somehow this has become a major conflict. Bethenny thinks Ramona is being selfish and manic, and honestly, Ramona is certainly not helping her case.

Eventually, they move on, and everyone loves the salad.

Yay.

Crisis averted.

At lunch, Ramona brings up her book and starts tossing around some possible titles. This should be a fun, casual conversation, but Bethenny immediately turns into the world’s leading authority on book titles, publishing, writing, and apparently everything else.

She talks over everyone and doesn’t really leave much room for anyone else to contribute.

Heather is visibly annoyed.

And I don’t blame her.

Bethenny may know a lot of things, but she does not need to personally moderate every conversation she is in.

Bethenny overhears Heather talking about her and immediately confronts her.

Naturally.

Bethenny basically confirms Heather’s entire complaint by announcing that she actually does know it all. She tells Heather that if anyone has a problem with that, they can come at her.

Well, okay then.

And there you go.

The salad has barely been eaten and we are already onto the next fight.

Fortunately, this one has an incredibly short shelf life. Bethenny and Heather talk it out and agree that they actually like each other.

And just like that, another crisis has been averted.

The ladies head out for dinner at The Conch Shack, and the place looks awesome.

I am crazy about conch.

I like big conch and I cannot lie.

The women are hoping for a nice, relaxing night out with the girls, but Ramona has other plans.

Ramona is on the prowl.

The other women are looking for dinner and drinks with their friends. Ramona appears to be looking for something else entirely.

Well, something else with a pulse.

Let the conch hunt begin.

It’s Bethenny’s last night on the trip, and she and Heather seem to be getting along really well.

Meanwhile, all of the women are sitting around the table while Ramona wanders around with her tits hanging out, apparently conducting her own personal singles survey.

At some point, Bethenny and Carole wander off and strike up a conversation with the owner of the restaurant.

Everything seems perfectly normal until Ramona spots the available conch.

She immediately barges over and positions herself between Bethenny, Carole, and the poor man.

Ramona is not about to lose her chance.

She comes in hard, completely taking over the conversation while the owner looks increasingly overwhelmed.

Bethenny and Carole are absolutely stunned.

I have never seen someone pursue conch with this level of determination.

The Countess starts crawling around playing with the local dogs, which is definitely worth noting, while the rest of the women discuss how horrible Ramona is.

The next day, Bethenny heads out for her flight, and she seems pretty happy with how the trip went.

Me thinks she may be getting out just in time.

The women are still annoyed about Ramona’s behavior the night before and call her out for being rude. They head to a hotel for lunch, where Ramona and Sonja promptly show up late.

Everyone has had it with their antics.

Carole is so annoyed that she won’t even look at Ramona, but eventually she has something to say about her behavior.

Ramona immediately goes into teary mode and says she is lonely.

And then, because Ramona can apparently never leave well enough alone, she brings up the fact that Carole is fucking a 28-year-old.

This does not sit well with Carole.

Ramona gives one of her bullshit apologies, and everyone basically accepts it because there is no reasoning with Ramona.

At some point, Luann and Sonja step away from the table to talk about their own issues.

Luann is concerned about Sonja’s drinking, but she feels like Sonja lashed out at her when she tried to address it.

The two of them talk it through and eventually agree to move on.

And just like that, another Housewives crisis has been temporarily put to bed.

They head out to dinner, and Dorinda is lit the fuck up.

She is in full Dorinda mode, slurring and spitting as she informs Heather that Heather says “fuck” too much.

This is particularly impressive because Dorinda is so drunk that I can barely understand what the hell she is saying.

She goes on and on about how cursing is unladylike, while simultaneously slurring her words and spitting all over the place.

The Countess decides to pile on, because apparently this is now a formal meeting of the Ladies Against Fuck.

Never mind that Luann curses like a sailor herself.

Soon enough, everyone is cursing and yelling at each other about whether or not it is appropriate to curse.

Dorinda finally slams her hands down and stomps away from the table.

Now she is crying.

Unfortunately, no one can understand what she is saying through the combination of tears, spit, and whatever food is still in her mouth.

This has officially become less of a dinner and more of a Dorinda performance piece.