This week, the women are in New York, and Luann is hosting her Halloween party, complete with her pirate costume and boyfriend. Porsha is running late, and the Countess is not amused.
Jessel, who is intolerable, interrogates Luann about her boyfriend, but luckily, we move on from that quickly. The women all arrive at the party and don’t even know who half of the guests are. Alex McCord is there, and she is as exciting as ever—meaning, not very.
Uba tells Jessel that she offended Dorinda, who she accidentally calls Ramona. Jessel tries to apologize, but Dorinda does not seem like she is in the mood for it.
Gizelle tells us she plans to have an intervention with Luann, who is driving her crazy. Jessel makes some more rude and nasty remarks, and I wonder how anyone can stand to be around her. No wonder her husband flies to Vietnam for lunch.
Carole arrives, and it’s kind of a bummer because I am already sick of her from this season of RHONY. There is a magic show, and Luann asks where Porsha is. We see her still getting ready back at the hotel. Luann thinks she is being disrespectful.
Teresa takes part in the magic show and seems entirely confused by the whole process. Even Lisa thinks Teresa is a bit of a ditz, and that is saying something. Oh, and Porsha is still late.
It’s Luann’s turn to take part in the show, and the magician levitates her. She could have used him that time she face-planted in the bushes. Kyle is freaked out, because Kyle is afraid of everything.
The camera pans to Vicki, who looks miserable. I wonder if it’s because she wasn’t picked for the show. Luann gives a speech and takes little shots at each of the women, realizing that Porsha is still not there. We cut to Porsha stuck in traffic. Luann goes on with her show, but is visibly annoyed. She completely skips over Gizelle, and Gizelle is even more certain she needs to have a conversation with Luann.
Vicki says she is bored, and all the women agree Luann is long-winded. Porsha arrives two hours late, walking through the snow to finally get there. She is hoping Luann is going to razzle and dazzle her.
We see timestamps on Luann’s speech, and it runs over thirty minutes. The women call Porsha and warn her she shouldn’t come; the party is a bust. Porsha is determined to just go and drink it out.
Dorinda leaves for the Berkshires, and half the women wish they could leave with her. Luann shushes the crowd, all of whom say she is talking to
Porsha walks in, and Luann is still talking. Chanel tells Porsha she is sick of Luann talking, and Luann calls for order and demands attention. She calls Porsha out for being late and talking during her speech. Porsha is not having it. She tells Luann to sit her ass down.
Luann won’t drop it and continues to berate Porsha over the microphone. Luann finally takes a break, and the women take the stage for a talent show.
Teresa plays the saxophone. It’s dreadful at first, but she finally gets it. Lisa raps, and this whole thing is making me cringe. Vicki’s talent is saying she can’t stand to listen to Luann sing anymore, which is actually pretty funny. Alex breakdances, and I want to die.
Can’t we have more chaotic dinner parties and less contrived activities?
Teresa wins the competition. Yay. Luann keeps complaining about Porsha being loud, and then they start to take pictures and shit erupts. Luann stations herself front and center and says it is her fucking party. Gizelle confronts her, and Luann feels betrayed by her.
Luann stomps off, and the women discuss how rude she is and how she always has to be the center of attention. When she comes back, she questions if the ladies even want her in the pictures. Luann denies that she wants all the attention, and they finally start to take the damn picture.
Luann won’t stop bitching and reprimanding everyone. She starts with Porsha again and won’t let it go. Is she drunk?
Kyle tells Luann that all the women feel like Luann is an attention hog, and Luann feels like everyone is talking behind her back. She won’t drop the Porsha thing, and all of them are exasperated with her.
She storms out and says Porsha needs to get some class. Porsha is puzzled by what is going on with Luann. Vicki rates the party a one out of ten on the whoop it up scale.
We see a shot of Luann telling anyone who will listen that Porsha was late. She really can’t let it go and is on a Sonja-style loop.
We finally get to the next day, and everyone is packing up to leave for the Berkshires. Luann calls Dorinda and fills her in, immediately saying, you guessed it, that Porsha was late. Then she says the women picked on her when it was time to take pictures. She cries and adopts some crazy Joan Crawford voice, saying she can’t believe how she was treated in her own town.
In the car, Luann says she hopes everyone had a good time last night, and Vicki says the next time Luann gets in front of her for a photo, she is going to deck her. Luann tries to laugh it off, and Vicki says Luann hurt her feelings. Luann refuses to apologize for who she is. Porsha tries to reason with her, and Luann says “But you were late!” I feel like I have heard this somewhere before. Porsha says it was low of Luann to try and embarrass and publicly shame her, and calls Luann obnoxious. Luann asks the women, all of whom have been discussing how insufferable she is, if she is obnoxious. Uh oh.
Gizelle immediately agrees that Luann is obnoxious, and it seems to be a unanimous vote. Luann goes on and on about how kind she has been to everyone, and all the pictures she has taken where she was not in the middle. We see scenes of exactly the opposite, and it is clear that she pushes to get center stage.
Porsha questions if Luann has any self-awareness or accountability. Luann says she is sorry she feels that way, and it is the least accountable apology ever.
Lisa tries to stick up for Luann, and Porsha tells her to stop enabling her. Luann is super defensive, but Gizelle says they are not done with her yet.
Come back next week for the season finale in the Berkshires!
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