This episode opens with Heather and her son, Ace, touring her apartment remodel. She is going to have a wine-tunnel hallway. As one does. She wants to create a cool crib so that her grown children will actually want to come home.
Next, we see Jen on the phone with her son, Dawson, who is in the Marines. He is going to be working on military robots, which is pretty cool. I’m thinking the brains come from his dad’s side of the family.
At Emily’s house, she tells us that her relationship with Annabelle has really grown. Last year, Emily spent a lot of time focusing on Luke and his issues, but now she makes sure she and Annabelle spend time together, too.
Carmella’s kids discuss how scary Vicki was at their house. They call her the “Granny.” Granny bossed them around and told them how to eat their hot dogs while making stupid faces. They definitely don’t like her.
Carmella is still mad that Vicki questioned whether Carmella actually even lives in her own house. Vicki is always terrible to anyone younger and prettier—and that’s everyone.
Gina visits Shannon to help her get ready for the party that is NOT going to be Gina’s engagement party. Shannon wanted to throw her one, but Gina felt badly about having Shannon spend the money. Shannon is having the party anyhow. Again, as one does.
Shannon is bringing a date to the party, but he is just a friend. Gina shows off her new engagement ring. Frugal Gina is also worried about the money involved in throwing a big wedding. She would rather save the money for her kids, which is smart. I hope Bravo pays for her wedding.
They gossip a little bit about Emily and Jen leaving Vicki’s house in La Quinta. Shannon agrees that Vicki can be offensive and notes that Carmella is particularly mad at her. Vicki has also said that Carmella’s boyfriend raises her kids, and I am sure Carmella is gonna lose it when she hears that. I hope she tells Vicki off. She has it coming.
At Tamra’s, she is getting ready for her granddaughter’s 11th birthday party. Tamra’s mom and daughter, Sophia, are helping her. Ryan is going to come, which makes everyone happy because he has been estranged from the family, and Tamra has only seen him once in the last year.
He expects Tamra to be a stay-at-home, traditional grandmother, and Tamra has called him out on his offensive social media posts. Ryan comes to Tamra’s with an attitude, and I instantly remember how much I can’t stand him.
Tamra feels guilty that Ryan turned out to be an asshole and wonders if she wasn’t a good enough mother. Maybe she’s right, but at this point in his life, it’s a choice to be a dick, and he has made that choice.
Tamra takes her granddaughter, Ava, aside to show off her wedding photos and cry about her daughter Sydney, who won’t have a relationship with any of them. Why is Tamra always doing this stuff on camera when Sydney has explicitly stated that she does not want that? Tamra might want to reflect on this one.
Tamra gives Ava a Gucci purse, and they eat some Domino’s pizza. All is well in the Judge household, except Ryan still sucks.
Shannon and Vicki go bra shopping, and Vicki mocks Shannon’s bras. Shannon’s daughter, Sophie, is there, and suddenly they are talking about vibrators, and I want to unalive myself. I am no prude, but I don’t want certain images in my brain. Who does this shit?
Vicki says she is proud of Shannon for trying to get her finances in order and that Sophie should start being financially independent. This is totally none of Vicki’s business, but when has that ever stopped her?
The day of the luau, we see everyone getting ready for the party. Shannon has the whole place decked out, and the table looks great, which usually spells trouble for Housewives. The nicer the table, the worse the fights.
Gina is worried about how much Shannon spent on the party. Shannon tells Emily that Vicki is expecting an apology from her, and Emily says that is not happening.
When Vicki gets there, she basically acts like everything is fine. Tamra and the other women wonder if Carmella is going to confront Vicki, and odds are looking like that is going to happen.
Carmella arrives and says she is not okay with Vicki at all. The women tell her that Vicki said Carmella’s boyfriend is raising her kids. Carmella gets even more pissed and warns everyone that she is going to make a scene.
Oh, I hope so.
Emily approaches Heather because she feels like there is some weirdness between the two of them. Heather says that Gina told her Emily finds Heather irritating. Emily admits that happens sometimes, but that it isn’t Heather as a whole that bothers her. I guess that’s better?
Heather says it’s been a lot, and Emily says that Heather inspires her and that she values their friendship. They plan to have a night out together. I wonder if that will actually happen.
Vicki explains her boyfriend’s absence. He is always working, or maybe he just doesn’t like spending time with Vicki?
Tamra and Emily bust Shannon’s balls about her man friends, and it’s boring. That woman makes out all over Newport Beach. Let her live her life.
Carmella tells her boyfriend what Vicki has been saying, and it’s clear that we are not getting out of this dinner without a confrontation. Jen empathizes with Carmella, and Tamra tells Carmella to ask Vicki to explain herself.
Carmella bangs her knife on her glass, and it’s not because she wants to make a toast. Tamra Sue jumps right in and asks Vicki why she is talking shit about Carmella. Vicki says her words were twisted, but Shannon admits that Vicki said Carmella’s boyfriend raises her kids.
Carmella says it’s the most hurtful thing Vicki could have said. Emily tells Vicki to apologize, and Carmella says Vicki has apologized before and it means nothing. She rattles off all the crap Vicki has said.
Jen chimes in and says Vicki has said she doesn’t like new people. Carmella points out that Vicki is also new this year, and Vicki jumps right into the whole “I started this franchise twenty years ago” mantra.
Carmella tells her everything has an expiration date. Vicki tells her not to talk to her that way. Tamra Sue sticks her big nose into everything and asks for the real story about what went down in La Quinta.
Emily says they wanted to spend time with Vicki, but she was being awful, and her boyfriend being there made them uncomfortable.
Vicki wants Emily and Jen to apologize to her, and Carmella thinks it’s hypocritical that she expects the women to care about her feelings when she treats them all like shit. Vicki says she isolates herself from them, and Emily thinks that is sad.
Emily and Jen say that they didn’t mean to hurt Vicki’s feelings and that she should feel safe with them. Vicki admits that she is lonely, and it hurt that they left her. She doesn’t feel secure in any of her relationships. Vicki cries, and suddenly, Carmella isn’t telling her off and this episode is no fun.
I was expecting a real dinner party from hell. This was more like a luau in purgatory.
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