This week, everyone is headed to the Berkshires for Dorinda’s party at Bluestone Manor. I am hoping for some good drama and action, in true Bezerkshires fashion. We know Luann is still revved up from last week’s disaster (Porsha was late, remember?), and Vicki is still a downer, and now we are throwing Dorinda and a whole bunch of other Housewives into the mix, so the possibilities are endless.
In the sprinter van, Luann and Porsha are still fighting. Luann is hurt over how the women treated her at her party. Gizelle and Porsha feel like they have enabled Luann, and it’s made her obnoxious. Luann apologizes and says she didn’t realize her behavior was so bad. So, basically, nothing happens. Kind of like the last several episodes.
By 8:44 p.m., they are still stuck in the van, and by 9:07 p.m., they still haven’t arrived. The roads are slippery and everyone loses cell reception, so they spend some time discussing the upcoming party. Dorinda is expecting over 100 people. Teresa promises to stand by Lisa’s side if any of the SLC girls come after her. They are all curious to meet the new Rhode Island ladies. Everyone is starving, so they hit up a Wendy’s, and classy Lisa Barlow is in absolute Heaven.
They finally arrive at The Red Lion Inn. I SO want to stay there. I am trying to talk my husband into it for my birthday this year. We shall see. They enter the lobby to cheers and applause and Luann loves it. Actually, everyone does. They greet their fans politely, but Downer Vicki wants to go to bed. Luann says the hotel is haunted, and I love it even more. I have a thing for haunted hotels. Don’t ask.
A random guy from the lobby brings Vicki to her room. It’s hilarious. Vicki is a disaster, and so random. She wonders who will show up in her room next. Five minutes later, we see the women playing ghost pranks on each other, and Kyle gets Porsha.
So far, I am bored with this episode. I am waiting for Bluestone Manor and the rest of the women to show up. I hope Patterson Dolores is coming to the party. She is my favorite, and she could teach these ladies a thing or two.
The morning of the party, we see the women calling home and getting ready. The theme is The Gilded Age, and that sounds fun. None of the women, especially Teresa, can say when the actual Gilded Age was, but it’s all good. Lisa hates a theme, but is playing along, kind of. Vicki is clueless, as usual. This is an awful lot of build-up for a finale episode. Let’s get to the party already.
Luann heads to Dorinda’s early, and Dorinda is still getting ready for the event. We get a whole set of scenes of past disasters at the Bezerkshires, and it’s kind of fun, but again, I want some real-time action. That has been a running theme with this Girls’ Trip. Dorinda asks Luann about her party and how she was so upset about the way the other women treated her. Luann explains that they resolved it in the car on the way there, so there really isn’t an issue anymore.
Dozens of other Housewives, including several NY girls, Melissa Gorga, Marysol Patton, Angie K., and Heather Dubrow arrive. It’s a real Housewives extravaganza, or nightmare, depending on how you look at things. There is snow on the ground and Bluestone Manor is looking fabulous. Oh, Camille is there, too. And Heather Gay. It’s hard to keep up—they all just keep trickling in. Sutton and Boz are also in attendance. This place is literally packed to the rafters with crazy women from all across the franchises, and I wonder if I would actually want to be there. So many Housewives in one place is a little much.
Dolores arrives and immediately makes me happy. All the Rhode Island girls come in, and they all look like Dolores. It’s unsettling. Teresa meets JoEllen, who actually, my husband thinks looks just like her. He isn’t wrong. Rulla kisses Vicki’s ass, and Vicki loves it. By and large, everyone is very nice and welcoming to the Rhode Island girls. I may recap the second season, but Rhode Island’s first season didn’t exactly wow me.
Did I mention Dolores, the real Dolores, not one of the lookalikes, looks great? She is so skinny. Kyle, ever the producer, asks the Rhode Island girls how their Housewives experience has been. They all say they just went into it as their authentic selves. Right. Ashley says Rulla is the one with the most on her shoulders, and we get hints of the drama in her marriage that became the focus of season one. She says the women did not support her, and Liz takes offense.
Liz says that Rulla did not allow the women to support her. JoEllen immediately whispers to Luann that Rulla’s husband cheated on her, but when Rulla admits she had to deal with that, Liz says Rulla knew about it for over a year before filming started. Lisa Hochstein, who had a similar situation, relates to Rulla. Luann does, too, because—it’s about Tom. Each of the women offers the Rhode Island cast advice about their upcoming reunion. Teresa tells them it gets better as they go, and that the sun will always keep coming out—which is probably true. Suddenly, Teresa is both a philosopher and a scientist. Rulla starts yelling at JoEllen, and Dorinda cuts it, telling them not to start shit in her home. They apologize, and clearly note that Bluestone Manor Dorinda is formidable. Wait until they see Drunk Dorinda.
Luann takes some of the women to the iconic “Fish Room.” She tells Gizelle and Porsha that she wants to focus on Vicki, who has been down the whole trip. Luann feels like they have come a long way from Luann calling Vicki “Porky Pig.” Lmao. It can probably only go up from there. They all agree that the OC women were terrible to Vicki at her party, but that they hope she can have fun tonight.
And suddenly, the Rhode Island women are screaming at each other again. Liz and JoEllen go at it hard. Dorinda is gonna be pissed. She says they already have two strikes against them. Big Daddy Andy Cohen arrives and all the women go bananas, well, because they have to. He is the boss, right?
He is dressed to the nines and looks like Mr. Monopoly. It’s definitely a choice. He makes a toast, and they actually let him speak. After the speech, they all kiss his ass a little. Melissa and Teresa make nice in front of him, because they have finally understood that their livelihoods depend on it. Andy asks Teresa if she wants an apology from Melissa for coming on the show behind Teresa’s back. Teresa clearly does. Melissa denies it ever even happened. We get some fun scenes of them fighting over the years. Andy actually apologizes to her for the way things went down when Melissa came on the show, and I think it’s long overdue. Andy is a dirty dog when it comes to casting. Melissa and Teresa agree to stick together, and I don’t believe a word of it. Neither do they.
Erin corners Carole to talk shit about her cast. Did she not know Carole was coming back to NY? She is giving her an awful lot of information here. Oh, Mary Cosby is there. I’d like to see more of her, but it seems like it’s just a glimpse. Carole and Luann joke about that funny time Carole banged Luann’s chef. The Rhode Island women are screaming again. Did they forget that Dorinda made it nice? Behave, bitches.
Andy asks Lisa Barlow if she is having fun, and then immediately calls Heather over to make sure she isn’t. He knows these two have major beef with each other. He acts like he wants to make peace between them, but Lisa is not feeling it. She says she and Heather are definitely not friends, although she has tried with her. And just like that, Andy is literally in the middle of the two of them telling each other to fuck off.
Andy says he didn’t come to cause trouble, and that’s a banquet of bullshit. It’s literally his job. He is standing there awkwardly, but also clearly loving every second of it. He finally tries to break it up, but it goes as well as it did at the last SLC reunion. Producer Kyle comes over to see what’s going on and if she can get involved, while Teresa sticks up for Lisa and says Heather was terrible to Lisa in Atlanta.
Porsha tells them all to stop acting up in front of “company.” Phaedra arrives, and I wonder if it’s for a special, surprise entrance. Oh, no. She is just actually super late. Cynthia Bailey and Uba also make appearances, and some of the women sit around the table and reminisce about all the fights that have occurred there over the years. Luann and Carole are friendly to each other again, and I don’t get it. They clearly hate each other. The New New York women ask the old-timers if they have watched the newer seasons, and they mostly have barely seen it. Luann says she has moved on. Yup. To The Golden Life. I will be recapping that starting October 20th.
Luann gathers the RHUGT cast and the other women and, surprise, gives a speech. It’s actually nice. She says that although she and Vicki got off on the wrong foot, Vicki has a huge heart. Luann feels like the OC women didn’t give Vicki the love and respect she deserved, so she presents her with flowers and thanks her for putting the Housewives on the map.
Dorinda gets on the microphone and tells all the women, there are SO many of them, too many to name, to head outside. Vicki screams that she is cold. Chanel Ayan says she is too pretty to be cold and stays inside. Surprise! There are fireworks, which is what I kind of figured the outdoor surprise was going to be. The women are super excited, despite the cold, and celebrate the pop culture phenomenon they have created in the last twenty years. Without being sentimental, I guess I should give them a shout out, too. They are, after all, the reason this blog exists.
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