This week, the women are headed to Erika’s private island, yes—PRIVATE island, and we all know these trips usually bring plenty of drama, so let’s dig right in. We start off with the women already there! No boring packing scenes, no tense airport drama, they are just there. Erika says the island is her happy place and she is really looking forward to the time with these women. Has she seen a Housewives trip before? This girl’s happy place is about to get crazy.
They are greeted with private little golf carts and drinks as they make their way to the house. Oh, wait, it’s more of a resort, called Oasis. Everyone is appropriately impressed. Hailey says she loves vacation, but her mind is always on vacation. I believe her. Girl did bang Jon Gosselin, after all. Jessel thinks the whole island smells like money, and she loves it. Daisy immediately bitches about the food, claiming she is vegetarian. Erika is annoyed, and I would be, too. Bitch, you are on my private island. Have some grapes and shut up.
They choose their rooms, and there is surprisingly little drama because Ramona got fired and doesn’t ruin every trip anymore. Everyone takes a moment to go to their rooms and get cleaned up before meeting for cocktails. Carole left her silk pillow at the airport, and is upset because her skin has not touched cotton in like twenty years. I dislike her intensely. Even more than I did on her first go around.
Sai complains to Erika and Hailey that she is exhausted and hasn’t been sleeping. She admits she is a little checked out, and then we get flashbacks to her packing for the trip. As she was packing, she got messages saying her husband filed for divorce, and she is still in shock by how public it has all been.
Hailey says she didn’t read the press about Sai, because she hates the tabloids. Hailey has her own experience in this department. She offers Sai some Xanax. Oh, my. That’s friendly. It turns out Hailey has a whole pharmacy in her bag. Xanax makes me angry, so I dunno. I avoid the shit. Maybe that’s why I am so wired all the time.
Erika says she has an alter ego named Kendra, but that Kendra is in jail because Erika’s husband has had enough of her. Well, then. It turns out Billionaire Erika has a deep, abiding love for Taco Bell. Who knew? Erika and Daisy gossip about Sai a bit, but say they feel badly for her because her husband blindsided her with the divorce. Jessel goes to Carole’s room to kiss her ass, and Carole doesn’t seem to hate it, although I suspect she does hate Jessel. They revisit Carole calling Jessel a dingbat. Carole says it was a term of endearment and tells her to Google it. Jessel brings up Carolyn Kennedy again, and just doesn’t seem to get that Carole does not want to talk about it. Jessel says her dad died, and she has become good at blocking things out. Then, Carole realizes there are drones watching them, but nevermind, they are just birds. I can’t with these dingbats.
Erin says she wants to drink and decompress on the trip, but also that she needs to speak to Jessel. These two hate each other, so that should be interesting. Daisy confirms that Jessel has been insinuating, along with Daisy, that Erin has money problems, and that the flood at her house may have been for the insurance. Erin is livid and goes storming into the house. She can barely even speak she is so angry. Daisy, who literally just started this trouble, tries to comfort her.
We cut to the women getting ready for dinner, and Erika explains they will be having dinner in the pool, which honestly does not sound all that great to me. I don’t think I like it. Jessel is shook, especially by the fact that she can’t wear shoes. Erika says she accidentally called Carole “Carolyn,” and that is bad. She is also catching bad vibes from Erin and Daisy.
Erin and Daisy are off talking shit about the island. They don’t understand why they didn’t fly private, and think it’s just a house on an island. This is about some of the silliest and rudest shit I have heard on this show, and that’s saying something. Jessel and Erika think Erin has latched on to Daisy, and I have to agree.
Carole, once again dressed like an adolescent boy, makes her way outside to Erika and Jessel, and says the whole island is incredible. At least she knows how to be gracious and appreciative, unlike Erin.
Erin is still fired up and ready to share some things she knows about Jessel. I have a feeling she is waiting for dinner to really let the shit fly. Erin and Daisy finally join the women before dinner, and everybody is catching weird vibes from them and wondering what took them so long. Carole starts asking around for a silk pillowcase. Geezus. I guess there is no Door Dash on a private island, huh?
The pool dinner looks pretty, but completely impractical and I hate it. I would still go to Erika’s private island, though. And I wouldn’t bitch about flying commercial, either. Jessel asks a bunch of stupid questions, and then Daisy questions whether or not the island is Erika’s. Erika explains that it is owned by the seven couples who live there, and Daisy, with her popcorn ceilings, seems unimpressed. Erin jumps in on the questioning, and it’s really tacky. I would kick them both off of my island in a hot pink minute.
Sai addresses her divorce and admits she is not doing that great. The women are generally sympathetic. Sai says she was so crushed by the filing that it has destroyed any feeling she ever had for her husband. She is mostly worried about her children and the way they will be impacted by the publicity. Sai is concerned about the narrative her ex will create. She insists she is transparent and authentic, but that she has been living a lie when it comes to her marriage. Hailey mentions her concern that Sai’s husband might try to get alimony, and that seems to be a very real possibility.
Daisy and Erin question Erika about whether it bothers her that her husband makes so much more money than her, and then they start making fun of Daisy’s popcorn ceilings. She kind of has it coming this time.
Erin calls Erika out for talking shit about her with Jessel. Erin starts going after Jessel, too, and says she is sick over what she has heard. Just then, the sky erupts and the pool dinner is rained out. It looks absolutely miserable. Carole falls on her ass, and I enjoy it.
They dry off and some of the women head up to their rooms while Carole, Hailey, and Erin play pool. Jessel and Daisy are still bitching at each other about the popcorn ceilings. For some reason, Daisy starts insulting Erika and her decor. Daisy is working my last nerve this episode. Jessel calls her out for telling Erin what they said about her. Erin overhears this and goes insane—telling Jessel she is despicable. She confronts Erika, too, and Jessel asks why Daisy doesn’t admit she was talking shit, too. Erin just wants to know exactly what was said. They admit they questioned whether her flood was an insurance scam, and Erin is really hurt. Jessel is unmoved, as usual. She blames Daisy for causing the problems, and I agree.
Daisy insists she is being gaslighted. I don’t think that word means what she thinks it means. Erin tells Jessel off and again calls her despicable and insults her clothes. Shots fired on this semi-private island!
Read Last Week’s Recap Here!
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