This week picks up at Tamra’s party, where she has intentionally invited John and Alexis in a blatant attempt to make Shannon as uncomfortable as possible. That has pretty much been the theme of the last couple of seasons, so at least Tamra is consistent in her commitment to being terrible.
Heather accuses Alexis of trying to create a problem simply by giving her a look, and Alexis starts crying. Heather is furious about all the shit Alexis has been talking about her and tells Alexis to go. Heather then prances back into the party with that little Other Mother from Coraline walk she does and gives the other women her side of the story.
Alexis attempts to explain her side to Tamra and Jo, but she is too inarticulate to make much of a case for herself. Vicki arrives and is literally the only person happy to see Alexis and John, which tells you something about the state of affairs at this party.
Alexis eventually returns and wants to talk to Heather. They debate which one of them actually has beef with the other, and Alexis starts yelling at Heather about revealing information concerning the night of Shannon’s DUI accident. The two spend a great deal of time talking over each other, so naturally, nobody gets anywhere.
Carmella calls Alexis dramatic, which is an understatement. Heather finally tells Alexis that nobody cares, and for once, Heather is simply stating a fact.
Alexis tells the other women that Heather is delusional and needs a storyline, then proceeds to talk more shit about Shannon. Shannon tells her to zip it, and Alexis stomps off yet again. I hope it’s for good this time. Even Tamra can’t support Alexis at this point, which is quite the accomplishment considering Tamra’s own track record of stirring up trouble.
The women start discussing their upcoming trip to Japan, and Carmella needs to get her passport but is clearly nervous about the whole excursion. Meanwhile, Eddie and Tamra give a boring speech about their boring business, and once again, nobody cares. Nothing says riveting reality television quite like an unsolicited business presentation.
Shane finally arrives at the party, and everyone is happy to see him. Well, everyone except Emily, who seems decidedly lukewarm about the whole thing. Nothing says marital bliss quite like your husband arriving at a party and everyone else being more excited about it than you are.
The party is finally over, and we cut to Shannon with her dog, Archie, who has been having convulsions. This makes me so terribly sad. Pets are everything. Shannon calls her daughter, Stella, to update her on the situation, and she is clearly worried about what might happen to Archie while she is in Japan. Archie is her best friend, and I feel really bad for Shannon here.
Emily and Jen meet up and discuss Jen and Ryan’s kids, five of whom still live with them. Emily questions Jen about why she and Ryan have had such a long engagement, and Jen tells us she is afraid of something going wrong once they are married.
Jen is getting threads, and I am SO interested in this. I wonder if they work? I feel like I should get some. Emily decides to get some, too, even though her face barely moves as it is.
Next, we get some shots of the women packing for the trip, and it’s all filler, of course. Heather tells Terry that Carmella has been feeling awful because of her diabetes. Heather acts like she cares about Carmella, but I am not buying it for a second. She just wants to look good, as usual.
At the airport, Carmella texts Jen that she isn’t coming because she has been too stressed to travel and her blood sugar is bad. I dunno. Declining your first big cast trip is really a bad idea. Andy Cohen must be displeased. The women speculate that Vicki will be happy with this latest development, and she is.
Shannon shares that Archie was diagnosed with brain cancer, and everyone is devastated for her. Twelve hours later, they finally arrive in Tokyo, and I think about how much I hate long flights. I went to Italy for the day once, and that was the longest flight I ever took. The trip, however, did not go as planned. It’s a long story.
Vicki does her usual backseat gagging routine and it is too much for Jen. Shannon is sick, too. These old biddies are gross. They arrive at the hotel and plan to freshen up for dinner. They do the room set up and Jen and Tamra are staying together, and, of course, Gina and Emily are, too.
That night, Shannon is late for dinner, as usual. Emily and Gina lag behind with her, but they all eventually make it to the table. Vicki doesn’t eat raw fish, so she has some kind of duck pate. They discuss how many of them have been to jail, and everyone agrees that Shannon’s jail was probably the bougiest. Shannon, however, did not find the accommodations up to her standards.
Heather and Tamra revisit the Alexis showdown at Tamra’s party. Tamra tells Alexis called Heather “feckless,” and none of the women even know what it means. Heather doesn’t even pretend, for a change.
Jen asks Emily about her marriage and Tamra chimes in that the stress of Luke’s special needs must be affecting them. Emily says she feels no closeness to Shane because he is so snarky to her. Tamra asks if they ever discuss divorce. Emily admits that she has, but Shane never brings it up. Vicki tells her to make it work, and again brings up Don and how she let her marriage to him go too soon. Jen asks if Emily thinks that Shane is insecure about how good Emily is looking, and Emily agrees his attitude towards her has changed, and she feels indifferent towards him. Jen agrees with Vicki that Emily should make it work, but Tamra pushes Emily to say she is at her end.
Gina thinks that Shane just needs help around the house, and that Emily should hire someone. They have the money, and i totally agree.
They wrap up dinner and head out to hit the city, and Vicki is miserable about it, so she stays at the hotel alone. I thought she really wanted her orange back? She certainly doesn’t seem to be enjoying it. They go to a small bar and there is a big giant snake in a bottle. I don’t like it. They take shots out of the bottle, and I like it even less.
The next morning, Emily calls Shane and they have a miserable little conversation. Gina sees that Shane and Emily are just not on the same page at all. Emily tells us she feels like she and Shane are enemies and that she is failing.
They all head out to a temple, which is usually disastrous for these women because they have zero respect for other cultures. Gina leads them all through a cleansing ritual and then they head over to get their fortunes. Gina’s is really good. They all have super specific fortunes that seem suited to them, and I smell producer intervention.
Vicki’s fortune says that her mind is never still, and Gina tells her it means that Vicki is going senile. Lol. Vicki burns the fortune and says she never wants to play this game again. Neither do I.
Read last week’s recap here!
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