Apparently, moving to Palm Beach is supposed to be a fresh start. New sunshine, new social circles, new opportunities, and presumably a much better selection of dermatologists. Unfortunately, you can relocate the Housewives, but you cannot relocate them away from their personalities. And this week, those personalities are still doing the heavy lifting.
We have Luann entering the final stretch of her cabaret tour, Dorinda trying to find her place in Palm Beach, Sonja and Kelly attempting to put their latest disagreement behind them, and a spa day that goes about as smoothly as one would expect when Sonja Morgan decides it’s time to bring up unfinished business with Dorinda Medley. Nothing says relaxation quite like a woman in a bathrobe preparing to reopen a three-year-old grievance.
Let’s begin with the Countess, who is still juggling her cabaret career and her social life. Luann is in the home stretch of her tour, which means the show must go on, the hair must be done, and the Countess must remain available for whatever glamorous opportunity happens to present itself. Luann has always understood that being a Housewife is not simply a job; it is a lifestyle, a personal brand, and a reason to have several different outfits ready at all times.
She says the cabaret saved her life and is like therapy for her. She also has mugshot merch, which I may have to investigate. For her shows, however, she wears Jovanni, of course.
There is something amusing about watching Luann continue to treat her cabaret career as a major production while the rest of the women are busy trying to establish their Palm Beach identities. She has a schedule, a show, and a sense of purpose. The woman may have had several reinventions, but she knows how to keep the Countess machine running. I will give her that.
Dorinda and Ramona meet for lunch. Dorinda is still working out where she fits into this new social landscape. Palm Beach is not Bluestone Manor. There are different social rules, different expectations, and apparently a whole new set of people who need to be made nice. Dorinda has always been most comfortable when she is the hostess, the authority, and the person deciding how the evening should proceed. Being the newcomer is not exactly her preferred position.
And that’s where things get interesting. Dorinda is accustomed to having her own territory. At Bluestone Manor, she can arrange the furniture, pour the drinks, and decide when everyone has had enough. Palm Beach requires a little more adjustment. She is surrounded by women who already have their own routines and social connections, and she cannot simply announce that everyone is going to have a good time and expect it to happen.
Of course, Sonja and Kelly are supposedly putting their recent conflict behind them. This week, the two are attempting to make peace. I admire the optimism. These women have spent years turning minor misunderstandings into full-scale interpersonal investigations, so a truce is always welcome. Whether it lasts is another matter entirely. Basically, Sonja doesn’t want Kelly spreading her business, and Kelly doesn’t want Sonja to tell her to “shut the fuck up.” Sonja also mentions Bethenny, and Kelly makes it clear there has been no peace with those two–saying Bethenny is an evil person.
But the real event of the episode is the spa day with Sonja and Dorinda. Because naturally, a day devoted to relaxation and self-care becomes the ideal setting for Sonja to bring up some unfinished business.
I don’t know who decided that putting these two in a spa together was a good idea, but I would like to speak with that person, and thank them directly! A spa is supposed to be a place where you leave your stress behind. With Sonja and Dorinda, the stress simply changes into a robe and slippers. Sonja arrives late and immediately jumps Luann gossip, claiming that her boyfriend is married. Dorinda wants no part of this.
Sonja apparently believes that the appropriate time to revisit a disagreement is whenever she happens to remember it. Dorinda, on the other hand, is not necessarily interested in receiving an unsolicited emotional audit while trying to enjoy a spa day. The two have a long history, and neither one is particularly good at letting things go when they feel wronged.
Dorinda is hurt about Sonja calling her “unfuckable,” which was fairly recent. Sonja, on the other hand, it upset that Dorinda criticized her (long dead) marriage), and about her (recently) dead ex husband. Then, she goes back to the Berkshires diss from oh so painfully long ago, and Dorinda has had enough. Sonja is still stuck on the fact that Dorinda excluded her from filming at Blue Stone Manor like a decade ago. Her record is skipping, and she is in full on repeater mode.
Meanwhile, they all have a photo shoot coming up, so that should be a disaster.
The day of the shoot, everyone gets their glam. Dorinda is not feeling it, because she is exhausted from the spa day with Sonja. Sonja says she is also tapped out, and wants to be in and out of the shoot.
Ramona arrives and acts like a total beast to everyone–including the stylist. She really is a horror show. She tells Luann that Luann’s stylists are terrible and only play with her, and that they don’t do any real work. Luann, who sounds like she had a late night, says she is running on three hours of sleep and that Ramona should not fuck with her. I’d listen. The Countess has a mugshot.
Before Sonja arrives, Dorinda fills Ramona in on her crazy day with Sonja. Sonja is the last to arrive, and Ramona hopes she keeps her distance from Dorinda. They all get dressed in tacky Palm Beach cupcake dresses, and Ramona keeps bitching about the help, as she always does. She kicks the stylist out of the photo.
They finally get to taking some pictures, and everyone looks nice in their prints. Ramona and Sonja are hurrying to make a flight so they can do a campaign with Bethenny, and Luann has a bug up her ass about it, probably because she hates Bethenny.
Ramona leaves for the flight and doesn’t bother waiting for Sonja. I kind of don’t blame her here. I hate being late. Oh, and Ramona managed to steal some more clothes from the stylist. She is true to form, if nothing else.
We cut to Luann getting ready for her cabaret performance and she waxes poetic a bit more about her art. Dorinda is going to part of the show but isn’t really feeling a connection to it, or to Luann. I wonder if Luann is paying her?
Dorinda’s whole energy seems off and she hasn’t even memorized her lines. She asks who the moderator and seems shocked when she finds out it’s her role. She plans to just wing it.
Luann sings and I hate it. Why do Housewives always sing? Anyhow, she does her thing and Kelly is in the audience. Dorinda makes her appearance to make it nice.
Dorinda asks Luann a bunch of questions, including about the pirate. Luann swears she wanted his pot, not his booty. Sonja, on the other hand, went for the peg leg, if you know what I mean.
Luann fields some audience questions and says Bethenny is “done.” Like I said, she hates her.
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