At Tamra’s granddaughter’s birthday party, we pick up with a fight between Lydia and Shannon. Lydia thinks Shannon is being like Vicki, and Shannon can’t. She storms off. Lydia says she is a lost soul. Shannon is DONE. She is ripping off her mic and screaming at production. Shannon is a whole new level.
David chases after her asking, “Sweetie, what happened?” Remember those days? He did a lot of that. When he wasn’t being a dick.
Lydia calls Shannon the Mayor of Crazy Town. They all have plans to go out on Thursday. What could go wrong?
At Peggy’s (remember Peggy? Me neither), they are discussing her confusing breast surgery. Diko is annoying. Peggy is smug. Their kids seem cute and nice.
Vicki is expanding Coto, and she wants A LOT of security. She believes an employee stole from her, and she wants to make sure that doesn’t happen again.
Crazy Kelly Dodd is killing bugs in her kitchen, and Doug and Lydia are preparing the launch of their magazine while Tamra plays with a guinea pig. It’s all pretty boring, which usually means we are building up to something.
We have more Peggy scenes. Nobody cares.
Lydia discusses her magazine. She is worried about being done in time for the launch. This would be a good time to remind everyone that both Lydia and Doug come from some very real money. There is no pressure here. The magazine is a hobby for them.
Tamra calls, and they do a breakdown of the Shannon fight. Tamra tries to explain that Shannon tends to be, shall we say, expressive, and encourages Lydia to give her a chance. They confirm their dinner plans for Thursday, and I know what’s coming! I am excited.
Tamra calls Shannon and plays with the guinea pig some more. His name is Charlie, and he is cute. Shannon is wondering if dinner is still on. She is not feeling Lydia at all. Me neither, honestly.
The guinea pig poops. Tamra picks it up with her bare hands. I puke.
They confirm the dinner. Again. Let’s get to it already.
Oh, and Megan King Edmonds is still on. I totally forgot she was on this season. She is still married to Jimmy and only has one baby. Oh, how times have changed. Didn’t she marry a relative of President Biden’s for a hot minute? Girl has literally been all over the place since leaving the OC.
She is talking to Jimmy, and it’s pretty clear he hates her. Her baby is cute, though. Megan says Jimmy is never around. Jimmy seems happy with the situation. Megan asks if the baby can see ghosts, and now she has me wondering and googling that shit.
David Beador is working out like a beast, and we get these scenes against Shannon going in for a weigh-in with her trainer. She is so nervous, and I feel for her. Shannon is brave. She strips down to workout pants and a sports bra and lets everyone see her weight gain.
The trainer is terrible. He repeatedly says “Oh, wow” while taking pictures of her barely clothed. It’s not a complimentary “wow.” Shannon usually weighs between 118 and 134. She weighs in at 172, which elicits another “wow” from Dr. Supportive.
Shannon is sad, fragile, and frightened. I get it.
Lydia and Peggy are off to the much-anticipated dinner, and I am ready! Kelly can’t make it, although Lydia did invite her and let her know that they will all be at The Quiet Woman. She calls Kelly. It really seems like Lydia wants Kelly to show up at dinner, just sayin’.
Shannon has had a tough day and is fixated on her weight. She and Tamra are on their way to dinner and spend the drive discussing body fat percentages, obesity, and death. Thursday night dinner is off to a great start.
The Quiet Woman is buzzing with activity but still relatively quiet. As an aside, I love this restaurant. I haven’t been since 2016, and I should go back and find me some Housewives.
Lydia warns Peggy not to mention Vicki to Shannon. Shannon and Tamra meet Peggy, and everything seems off to a good start. Shannon seems a little iffy on her, but Shannon often seems that way. They are being polite to each other, just not really gelling. No one really gels with Peggy.
Shannon is kicking it off with some vodka, and Lydia is looking to clear the air with her.
Shannon feels like she was attacked but says she is ready to start fresh. It really doesn’t seem like she lets it go, though.
Shannon confides in everyone about her weight struggles. The women sit there in their size zeroes, sipping wine, ignoring food, and nod sympathetically. Shannon blames the weight gain on Vicki and the David-is-abusive rumor.
Peggy jokes about it, and Shannon makes judgy eyes at her. Shannon wants to order lamb or steak. Tamra says no.
Shannon has another vodka.
Shannon excuses herself to go to the bathroom, and anyone who has seen this episode knows it’s about to go down in Jurassic fashion.
Kelly Dodd walks in. Lydia and Kelly are in the bathroom with Shannon. Shannon says, “Really? Are you serious?” but then confides in Kelly about her weight. Kelly says she didn’t know the ladies were there. Yeah, right.
Kelly starts talking about her bladder problems and snarkily says, “We all have problems,” and Shannon takes immediate offense. Kelly looks a little messy and a lot buzzed.
Shannon is going on and on. She is really shrill when she gets like this. Lydia wants to hug it out or pray or some such shit.
Back at the table, Kelly says Shannon is always upset, which is kinda true. She tells Shannon that she always looks for something to be upset about. Peggy keeps eating.
Shannon finally has it and tells Kelly to “walk off my table!”
Kelly says, “Maybe you need some hormones. For your body!”
I die.
Shannon is livid. Kelly is on her way “off” the table and delivers the parting line: “Keep eating,” and it sends Shannon way over the edge.
The Quiet Woman gets loud real fast. She hurls the plate across the table and screams, “This isn’t my plate, you fucking bitch!” and it is immediate Housewives history.
Shannon is so mad, and so embarrassed at the same time. The manager comes over to speak with her. She tries to leave quietly and runs into a laughing Kelly in the hallway.
Then, the greatest thing I have ever seen in Housewives history. It’s so easy to miss.
Peggy and Lydia are standing outside talking, and Kelly is inside LICKING THE GLASS at them.
No one seems to notice except the cameraman, who, thank God, panned toward it.
It’s perfection. It’s iconic. And it’s worthy of a Jurassic dig.
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