RHOBH, Season 2, Episode 7–Game Night Gone Wild

We are at Dana’s infamous game night, where Kyle and Kim are going hard at Brandi. Kyle brings up Brandi’s sons and starts criticizing her parenting, which is just low. Brandi tries to defend herself, but Kyle and Kim are acting like Brandi is beneath them, repeatedly referencing “where she is from.”

Seriously, where the fuck are they from? I’ve read House of Hilton. They might want to shut up.

Brandi tells them to watch their mouths, and Kyle, who always reminds us that she is a girl’s girl, calls her “classless trash.” Brandi is crying, and I feel bad for her.

In later seasons, Brandi will absolutely enrage me, but at this point, I want to give her a hug.

Brandi says Kim started the insults, and she is right. She did. They continue ganging up on her and say she acts like trailer trash.

Then Brandi drops the line that changes the entire temperature of the room: “At least I don’t do crystal meth in the bathroom all night long, bitch.”

Suddenly, the Richards velociraptors are on their feet, pointing identical fingers at her and telling her to shut her mouth. It’s ugly. Taylor and Camille, looking on, are stunned.

Kyle and Kim nearly come to blows, and Taylor gets in between them. Kim gets that finger going and tells Brandi, “You are a slut pig.”

Dana tries to talk, and nobody cares.

Kyle is vile to Brandi. Brandi wants to leave, but Kim has hidden her crutches. These women are horrible. She wants to leave, and nobody speaks up. Instead, they are all coddling Kim while nobody can find the crutches.

When they finally find them, Brandi is ready to get the hell out of there.

Meanwhile, Dana is kissing Kim’s ass. Kim doesn’t even know Dana’s name. She calls her Pam.

Dana is desperate to make this party happen, so she starts inviting the women on a “healthy, safe girls’ trip.” Kyle is looking at her like she has absolutely lost her mind.

Dana wants to go on a journey with these women, she says. She says they have always been about that.

Kyle asks, “Who?”

And I die.

Dana has known these women approximately two minutes and just hosted what is possibly the worst game night in Housewives history. There is no “history” here. Girl, you barely know their names.

The next day, we see Adrienne walking across the street to Lisa’s house. It’s quite a hike. Champagne problems, and all.

Kyle is there, too, and I have a feeling we are in for a debrief of game night. Lisa, who wasn’t even there, has already heard it was a catastrophe.

Kyle gives a very slanted version of what happened, naturally. Lisa is immediately Team Kim/Kyle, but Adrienne seems much more dubious about the whole thing.

Brandi told Adrienne she was attacked, and she was. Anyone watching this would agree. At this point in the series, Brandi is clearly the underdog.

Taylor meets with Brandi to get her take on everything. Brandi says she is so upset that she hasn’t been eating or sleeping. She knows she crossed a line with the crystal meth comment, but she doesn’t necessarily know if she should even bother apologizing when the Richards sisters clearly hate her.

Taylor makes excuses for Kim, because apparently that’s what everyone does.

Brandi thinks there is a real problem going on with Kim.

There always is.

At Kyle’s, she is getting ready to go to Palm Desert with Kim and all of their kids. It is their first time away together like this since their Season 1 blowup in the limo, and Kyle is hoping for the best.

On the drive there, Kim shares that she has been using air freshener as breath spray for a week.

Kim may not be on meth, but she sure is a whackadoodle.

Kyle and Kim trade passive-aggressive barbs the entire ride. This trip, frankly, does not look like fun.

In the desert, at THE house that Kyle allegedly stole from Kim, we see Mauricio and it’s awkward. We also see flashbacks to the limo fight, and it’s even more uncomfortable. 

Kyle gives us some background and insists that she bought Kim out of the house, fair and square. Kim tells us it was just a loan, and then they wouldn’t give back her shares.

It’s a little confusing, and Kim’s version seems odd, but so does Kim.

Kyle says the home is as much Kim’s as it is hers.

Nice try, but not really.

Over at Lisa’s, we meet event planner to the stars Kevin Lee for the first time. He is there to help them plan Lisa’s daughter Pandora’s wedding, which they are planning to have in their perfectly splendid secret garden.

Theirs.

Like, it’s in their yard.

I want this life.

Lisa acts like she is worried about the budget, but with what she spends on Giggy’s wardrobe, I find this hard to believe.

They are going to turn the tennis court into an enchanted garden for the reception, and it needs to hold 180 people. This all sounds gorgeous, but Kevin thinks they should go bigger.

It is, after all, Beverly Hills.

He also has strong opinions about what kind of dress Pandora should wear, and it’s kind of rude.

Kevin estimates their budget to be a million dollars, and Lisa says no way. She is looking to spend about $150,000.

We shall see who wins this epic clash.

Kim and Kyle go to lunch in the desert. Kyle is nosy and annoying, which is pretty much par for the course.

The kids are feeling the distance between the two sisters, but Kim is tired of Kyle acting like her mother.

Kim says they always have each other’s backs against other people, like at game night, but then turn around and pick at each other and fight.

We know that’s the truth. We’ve seen years of it.

Kim calls Kyle a know-it-all who always thinks she is right.

We’ve also seen years of that.

Camille is in her gorgeous Malibu home preparing for her charity event, which will be the first time most of the women are all together since game night—specifically, Kyle and Brandi.

At the event, Kyle and Lisa arrive, and Brandi hobbles in on crutches.

Hopefully nobody hides them this time.

Dana is shopping at the charity event, and she is so tacky it hurts. She buys real fur.

Yuck.

Lisa and Kyle argue about who will have to sit next to Brandi at the luncheon table. Lisa is being especially mean, considering what a champion she becomes for Brandi in later seasons.

And we all know how well that turns out for her.

Kyle and Brandi pretty much ignore each other.

Brandi sees Kyle and Lisa giggling and assumes it is about her. She thinks they are being childish.

She and Adrienne discuss game night, and again, it’s awkward because Kyle is sitting right there.

Lisa finally speaks to Brandi, but it’s barely an acknowledgment.

Brandi is brave to stay at this table. She is not in friendly waters.

Kim and Adrienne go for a walk, and Adrienne is supportive of Kim. Kim is adamant that she wants nothing to do with Brandi after game night.

Adrienne tells her that Brandi feels terrible about what she said, but Kim does not care.

They discuss Kim’s relationship with Kyle, and Kim admits that it has been strained ever since their Season 1 fight. Kim can’t forget that Kyle called her an alcoholic in the limo that night.

It was ugly.

I should recap that episode.

I shall put it on the list.

Keep the suggestions coming!