RHUGT: Roaring Twenties, Episode 2

The women are still in Orange County for the first leg of their tour through Real Housewives cities. Next stop: Beverly Hills.

Everyone is packed and ready to go, except Kyle, who is lagging behind. Vicki checks on her, and Kyle reveals it’s her 30th anniversary with Mauricio. He just texted her that he doesn’t know how they got here.

It’s sad. Vicki tells Kyle she should be proud of 30 years of marriage because most people—especially on this show—don’t have that.

Kyle says she thinks it will get better. Vicki tells her it won’t, because apparently this is now another opportunity to talk about Don.

Her new boyfriend must be thrilled with how much time Vicki is spending in the Don archives lately.

They head off in the Sprinter van, and Kyle shares with everyone why she’s so sad. The women are supportive, which is actually nice for once. All of them are divorced except Kyle and Lisa Barlow—and Kyle has basically been separated for years anyway.

Gizelle wants to confront Vicki about calling her a pot stirrer. Vicki, however, is pretending Gizelle doesn’t exist while working on her laptop.

Vicki admits she wants to keep her distance because she doesn’t understand Gizelle, but she clearly isn’t prepared for the conflict. So she goes right back to her laptop.

Gizelle resents the fact that Vicki seems to think her time is more valuable than everyone else’s. And honestly, nothing says Girl’s Trip like one Housewife trying to start shit while another one answers emails.

We get a montage of all the Housewives’ disastrous Sprinter van rides, and it’s fantastic. This is exactly why I like taking my own car.

All the women agree with Gizelle that Vicki was talking badly about Tamra, but Vicki still blames Gizelle for stirring things up. We get another montage of Vicki and Tamra’s greatest hits, and Vicki declares that she can be mean, too.

Teresa immediately jumps in to remind Vicki that she’s been mean to her, too—saying Teresa’s face has changed the most (Oh, Vicki!) and making comments about taxes. Vicki tries to change the subject.

Again, Vicki’s rudeness reminds Luann of Ramona, and the comparison is spot-on. Thank God those two have never appeared on a show together. It would be absolutely cringey.

Apparently, Vicki also called Teresa overrated 12 years ago, and Teresa has clearly kept that receipt. Vicki admits she may have been jealous of all the attention Teresa was getting, and the women actually admire her honesty.

They arrive in Beverly Hills, and we get MORE flashbacks. This time, it’s Beverly Hills. I wish the show would spend more time on the women actually doing things and less time showing us things we’ve already seen, but maybe that’s because I’m permanently buried in Housewives Past. Happily buried, I might add.

They check into the Beverly Hilton, and I’m immediately hoping Kathy is there. I love her.

Everyone gets glammed up for a Hollywood-style pajama party, followed by—what else?—more flashbacks of the women’s past parties. Let’s get to the new stuff.

Luann FaceTimes her new boyfriend, and then the women head to Kyle’s room. Porsha is ready to party, and I really hope they do because I need some action.

They start discussing what to name their boobs, which is weird even by Housewives standards.

Then Luann puts some of her food on Vicki’s plate, and Vicki gags. I honestly don’t blame her. I don’t like people touching my stuff either, and Vicki is especially horrified because Luann is supposed to be the etiquette expert.

Naturally, we get a montage of Vicki gagging throughout Housewives history. Porsha wants to know how that works in the bedroom.

The women—especially Luann—decide Vicki needs sex. More specifically, orgasms. Luann announces that she has the best orgasms, and honestly? I believe her.

Luann calls Vicki controlling, and Vicki immediately gets defensive, saying she feels put down by Luann. Vicki is shouting, as usual, but honestly, I don’t even think she’s that angry. She’s just growling and screaming. It’s her natural setting.

The women seem to agree that Luann is being judgy and maybe putting herself on a pedestal. Luann gets defensive.

Porsha tries to teach everyone how to dance like a stripper, and suddenly I’m wishing we were watching more flashbacks. I don’t know what it is about this show, but I feel like nothing is happening.

Kyle does the splits, and I get my wish: flashbacks of Kyle doing the splits. I sigh.

Vicki doesn’t want to participate in the dance-off, and honestly, I’m grateful. Someone needs to know when to sit one out.

Lisa Barlow hasn’t said much, but she’s clearly having fun. She gets emotional talking about how happy she is to be laughing. Her show and cast have been so dark, and she feels like her castmates often laugh at her expense. It’s nice to see her genuinely enjoying herself.

Porsha shares stories about her life with Kordell from way back when. She was a very different kind of housewife then. She remembers watching these women on television, so being here with all of them is surreal for her. 

The next day, we get some boring clips of the women getting ready, and even my husband just said this show is lackluster. So it’s not just me.

They’re headed to Sutton’s house for an Ugly Leather Pants luncheon, and Kyle wants to have fun celebrating all the iconic moments from her show.

We move to Sutton’s house, where Sutton is wearing an adorable dress. Crystal Minkoff is there, wearing THE original ugly leather pants. Even Crystal admits they’re kind of hideous, which makes for a cute moment.

I’m starting to think this might finally be picking up, and then we get more flashbacks. Name ’em.

Vicki thinks Crystal is Sutton, which is extremely on brand for Vicki. She lives in Vickiland.

Luann rearranges the place cards so she won’t have to sit next to Vicki, and suddenly I’m questioning her etiquette again. I’m pretty sure avoiding someone at lunch by secretly moving their name card isn’t in the etiquette handbook.

Everyone is impressed by Sutton’s lunch. There are eight servants!

The women fill Crystal and Sutton in on everything that’s happened so far, and Luann tells them that Vicki made a shrine to Slade, who called her “Porky Pig.”

Oh, Luann. You just made it so much worse.

Surprisingly, Vicki takes it well, but then digs up some dirt on Gizelle and Shannon from Love Island. Apparently, Shannon kissed Gizelle’s man, and Kyle reveals that Gizelle said she would sleep with Mauricio. Eeew.

This is getting good, but also nasty.

Teresa doesn’t know what “horizontal” means, and suddenly I’m enjoying this show.

Gizelle apologizes for joking about Mauricio. Kyle accepts the apology but still thinks Gizelle has the hots for her husband. Awkward.

They get a “Let the Mouse Go” cake for dessert to honor Sutton’s iconic line, and it’s actually adorable. Sutton turns it into a game called “Let the Mouse Go,” and the women divide into teams for a scavenger hunt based on clues from past shows and seasons.

They collect iconic RHOBH artifacts, including the infamous Kim/Rinna bunny and Yolanda’s lemons. Then they find Sutton’s vibrator, and…eeew again.

I’m glad we’re finally seeing the women doing things in real time, but honestly, it still isn’t very entertaining. I don’t know what it is about this show, but it feels like a lot of setup and not much actually happening.

They end the game by releasing a person dressed as a mouse, and it’s cute. But…nothing really happens.

Finally, we get previews for next week, which actually look a little interesting. Maybe we’re finally getting somewhere.

Check back Sunday, 8/23, for the recap!