RHONJ, Season 14, Episode 7, Gifts & Receipts: The Limoncello Party

We skip the intro and head straight into the aftermath of Teresa and Luis’s sit-down with the Fudas. It didn’t go well, and Teresa can’t believe Jon Fuda accused her of money laundering. Even though she, like, you know, went to jail for it and stuff. The nerve of him.

Teresa hurls insults at the door as the Fudas leave. They also leave behind the bottle of alcohol Teresa gave them to deliver to Joe Gorga for his birthday.

Also, does anyone else notice that Jon Fuda never drives? Rachel is always behind the wheel. I’m just saying.

Over at Danielle Cabral’s, the kids are getting ready for school, and it’s no joke. These kids like their sleep. But once they’re up, they like their fashion. They’re actually very cute. I always enjoy seeing the kids, and Jersey usually delivers when it comes to the family scenes.

Melissa is preparing for a party to celebrate her new house. Does anyone else think the new house is ugly? Anyway, she wants a classy event. Joe Gorga laughs. So do I.

Margaret has moldy cheese, because apparently that’s what we’re working with.

Dolores is having lunch with her mother and daughter, Gabby. It’s their Tuesday tradition, and I love this. Dolores is by far my favorite Housewife across all the franchises. She is formidable, funny, and somehow manages to be both completely grounded and deeply involved in Housewives nonsense.

They discuss her relationship with Paulie and how it’s progressing. She has basically moved in with him and is now talking about joining his business. Sounds serious.

There is just one little problem: Paulie is still married.

He’s been separated for something like twelve years, but there is still no divorce. Oh, Dolores. Be careful.

Frank was planning to propose to his girlfriend in Costa Rica, but his dog is sick, so the trip is cancelled. This actually makes me sad. The Catanias love their animals, and you can tell Frank is genuinely upset about having to change the plans.

He’s now planning to propose at home within a couple of weeks, which is honestly kind of sweet.

I love Frank Catania far more than I should. I want to run into him at Rails. He cracks me up.

Over at Teresa’s, they’re having breakfast. It’s Milania’s senior year, and she’s looking at colleges. She says she’ll go wherever she gets in, which is probably the healthiest attitude anyone has had on this show.

Nicholas, Luis’s oldest son, gets a haircut, and Teresa is really sweet with him. I like Teresa best when she’s with her family. She’s warm, funny, and much more relaxed.

Put her around the other Housewives, though, and something happens to her brain.

Teresa is still furious about the Fudas, but she reminds her new blended family that they come first.

Over at the Fudas, their adorable little girl Beanie is practicing her physical therapy to help her walk. Both of their daughters are ridiculously cute. Beanie also has a small tongue tie that will require a procedure, which should help with her motor skills and speech. These are the kinds of family scenes I really enjoy on Jersey.

Rachel has cleansed herself from the sit-down with Teresa and Luis and hopes she never becomes like Teresa. Honestly, Rachel, probably a good goal.

At Melissa’s, they’re setting up for the Limoncello housewarming party, and the food looks incredible. I love a good party. When I’m not hosting.

They have a tequila gun, and Joey Gorga is absolutely delighted by it. Give that man a tequila weapon and he’s found his purpose.

Marge and Joe B. get ready for the party, and Marge starts bitching about Jackie. Jackie is suddenly all about Teresa, while Marge knows Jackie has been badmouthing her. Melissa is hoping the two of them will actually talk at the party.

Sure. That’ll go well.

Jennifer Aydin gets ready and searches for something lemony to wear. She wants Bill to be her backup at the party. We know how that usually goes.

Jennifer has beef with Danielle and hopes it won’t come up.

Oh, it will.

Jennifer thinks Danielle treats people like shit and isn’t humble. This is particularly rich coming from Jennifer, considering her own history of treating people like shit.

And yes, I’m thinking about the Jersey Mike’s incident.

So when Jennifer starts talking about other people needing humility, I have to laugh.

The archaeological record is not on your side, Jennifer.

Back at Melissa’s, everyone starts arriving in their lemon-themed finest. Everyone looks cute, for the most part.

There is a giant cardboard David with Joey Gorga’s face and a lemon-covered shlong, and I have to wonder if this is exactly the classy event Missy G envisioned.

Melissa gives everyone a tour of the house. I’m going to be honest: I just don’t dig it. Not that it matters. It isn’t my house.

Joe starts drawing on the cardboard shlong, and Melissa reminds him to keep it classy.

Girl, please. You are acting like this is your first go-round with Joe Gorga.

The Fudas arrive, and Rachel fills Melissa in on the meeting with Teresa. She tells her that Teresa gave them a bottle of scotch to bring to the party.

They left it behind.

Melissa isn’t thrilled. The last thing she wants is Joe Gorga getting upset at the party. Because apparently the safest way to have a peaceful Gorga gathering is to remove all available alcohol-based weapons.

Dolores and Paulie arrive and—oh, shit—Dolores is holding THE BOTTLE that Teresa and Luis sent for Joe Gorga.

They really don’t give up easily, do they?

Melissa is not thrilled that Dolores brought it, but Dolores shrugs it off. She’s just doing what Teresa asked, and it isn’t her place to judge. She’s delivering a bottle. That’s it.

This is classic Dolores. She doesn’t overcomplicate things, and she doesn’t question her friends. If you ask Dolores to deliver a bottle, Dolores delivers the damn bottle.

At Teresa’s, they discuss Gia wanting to move out with her boyfriend. Teresa would prefer that Gia live on her own first, since Teresa never had that experience. She wasn’t allowed to.

Teresa also feels like there are a lot of troublemakers in their group, and naturally, they’re all at Melissa’s party.

Teresa, clearly, was not invited.

The Gorgas aren’t even pretending to like her this season.

Dolores presents the bottle to Joe Gorga. He rejects it and throws her card into the fire.

He is SO theatrical.

Melissa just wants the whole thing to disappear so she can enjoy her party. She’s quick to point out that they have approximately 17,000 bottles of expensive liquor in the house anyway.

She is so braggy, that Missy G.

Jennifer Aydin arrives and immediately bitches that there is no valet parking, because nothing says humble quite like demanding a parking attendant.

Melissa welcomes her, and so does Joe, so they’re off to a surprisingly good start.

Jackie arrives, and Margaret is immediately rolling her eyes. Melissa is also getting a little over Jackie and how quickly she defected to Teresa’s side the second Teresa gave her some attention.

Jackie is a messy nightmare. She is always whining about something, and she seems desperate for Teresa’s approval. It’s true.

Everyone discusses the Fuda/Teresa/Luis sit-down, and Dolores agrees that both sides went low. Jennifer takes up for Teresa, and so does Jackie.

Shut up, Jackie.

Jon says he was younger than Gia when he went through his legal troubles, and I would be very careful with the Gia comparisons if I were him. Those analogies are not going to land well with Teresa.

Dolores asks Margaret if she’s going to talk to Jackie, since there are clearly some fractures in their friendship. Margaret says they will, and naturally, they gossip about Jackie first.

Margaret wants to confront her, and the two eventually go at it.

Jackie feels like Margaret gets in everyone’s ear, particularly when it comes to Teresa. Margaret thinks Jackie is two-faced.

And now we have arrived at the portion of the party where everyone stops pretending they came for the lemon-themed fun.

Jackie says Margaret takes credit for her success, and Margaret says she just wants to read Jackie’s book.

She may be the only one.

Jackie says the conversation is a waste of her time and stomps off.

Meanwhile, Jennifer is preaching to Danielle about being humble, and the irony is so thick you could spread it on toast.

Margaret starts telling Dolores that Jackie has been talking shit about her when she sees Jackie hugging Joe B.

Margaret is furious that Jackie is hugging her husband, but she really loses it when she sees Jackie talking to Dolores.

Then Margaret sends Dolores a screenshot of a text from Jackie calling Dolores a “slob.”

This is SO bad.

Dolores’ face says everything. Jackie is dead to her.

Stay tuned for the funeral.