Twelve hours after Dolores’ flapper party, we already know something went spectacularly wrong. The episode opens by showing us the aftermath before taking us back to the events leading up to it, so basically, we are going to spend the next hour working our way toward whatever fresh hell happened at that party.
At Margaret’s house, she is having coffee while we get flash-forwards to the eventual blowup. The editing makes it clear that something major is coming, but we don’t know exactly how everyone gets there yet.
Over at Melissa’s, she is hanging out by the pool while we see glimpses of her eventual confrontation with Teresa. Melissa says she has been keeping a huge secret in an effort to keep the family together. Naturally, this makes the secret sound approximately 700 times more dramatic.
Teresa, meanwhile, is preparing for her upcoming wedding to Luis, but she is worried that the Gorgas are going to somehow ruin it.
Then we get to Dolores, who is on her way to Teresa’s house. She calls Melissa, who tells her that she cannot go to Teresa’s wedding. According to Melissa, Teresa is constantly trying to ruin her marriage, and she is not willing to keep putting herself through the same cycle.
So, before we even get to Dolores’ party, the episode has already established the major fault lines: Teresa is worried about the Gorgas, Melissa is sitting on a secret, Margaret is somehow involved in the coming explosion, and Dolores is wandering into the middle of all of it.
And we still have absolutely no idea what happened at that damn flapper party.
Okay, here we are, finally! Now we are flashing back to the set up for the party and Dolores looks adorable and happy as she prepares Paulie’s house for everyone.
There are Irish dancers at the party, which is a fun touch. Fun fact: one of these dancers was once in a class I taught, but that’s another story. I do love my little connections to Jersey, though. The dancers are cute, Dolores is still excited, and I am ready for the fight. Come on, already.
The guests start arriving, all dressed in their 1920s best. The Housewives absolutely love a flapper theme. The Irish whiskey is flowing, and all of the food looks fantastic. These parties always start out so well.
Which, of course, means we know this one is going to end terribly.
The men all look like they are about to audition for Newsies, which is appropriate because apparently 1920s fashion means putting every man in New Jersey in suspenders.
Jennifer Aydin starts drinking the second she walks through the door, which always goes so well. Bill looks mildly concerned, and honestly, he has earned that expression.
The women discuss Danielle Cabral’s situation with her brother. They don’t understand why the two of them are estranged, and I’m not entirely sure why any of them care. Danielle arrives, and everyone immediately starts doing shots because apparently this is how we solve family problems in New Jersey.
Frank Catania is there. Frank! I love him. That’s all.
Bill Aydin brings up Teresa, who still hasn’t arrived. Joe Gorga doesn’t want to talk to her, which is not exactly surprising considering the state of their relationship.
Melissa and Rachel ask Danielle about her brother, and somehow the conversation turns to Margaret. Margaret’s former friend Laura has been talking to all of the women, spreading rumors and generally inserting herself into everyone’s business.
Danielle is listening to what Laura has been saying, while Melissa and Rachel tell her that this needs to stop. Danielle agrees that they should put the whole thing behind them.
Which sounds very reasonable.
So obviously, we know that isn’t going to happen.
Melissa and Rachel think Danielle has been acting oddly ever since Ireland. Danielle admits that something has been weighing on her mind, but she doesn’t quite spill it yet. More to come on that later.
Danielle does, however, want to tell Melissa about a rumor she’s heard: that Melissa has been cheating on Joe Gorga. Apparently, Margaret’s friend Laura says Margaret saw Melissa making out with another man in the back of a car.
Haven’t we heard something like this before?
Either the Jersey rumor mill is not particularly creative, or Melissa really does have a thing for making out in the back of cars. Undetermined.
Then Teresa and Luis arrive, and the music gets dramatically ominous because apparently we are supposed to know that trouble has just walked through the door.
Luis looks absolutely loaded up as he pointedly ignores the Gorgas. Nothing says happy family gathering quite like your brother and sister-in-law standing ten feet away while you pretend they don’t exist.
Melissa and Teresa greet each other normally enough, which feels almost suspicious considering the circumstances.
Little Frankie Catania is there, and Jen Fessler immediately wants to set him up with her daughter. Hands off, Fessy! My stepdaughter goes to college in North Jersey, and I want Frankie for her.
Oh, wait. He just got married.
You snooze, you lose.
But anyway.
Luis and Teresa are excited about their upcoming wedding, while continuing to ignore the Gorgas. Teresa doesn’t seem particularly bothered by it. She wants to stay firmly inside her love bubble, and honestly, she seems determined to enjoy every second of it.
Luis, meanwhile, is fired up. He thinks the Gorgas are a joke and seems more than happy to dismiss them completely.
Danielle pulls Jennifer Aydin aside and tells her that she is planning to tell Melissa about the cheating rumor. Jennifer advises her not to do it.
And then, naturally, Jennifer drinks some more tequila.
Danielle pulls Melissa aside. Uh oh, here we go.
She tells Melissa about the rumor and insinuates that Margaret is behind it. Danielle seems to expect Melissa to thank her for the heads-up. Instead, Melissa drops a bomb of her own: Luis called Joe Gorga six months ago, invited him over to his house, and told him about the exact same cheating rumor.
So Danielle has basically been set up to spread a rumor that Melissa already knows about.
Melissa is furious. She blames Teresa and Luis for keeping the rumor alive and is especially pissed that Luis and Teresa told Joe about it behind her back. She says her sister-in-law is fucked up, and honestly, she has reached the point where this isn’t just another piece of Housewives gossip to her.
We get flashbacks to Stripper Gate and the other cheating accusations that have followed Melissa over the years. The implication is pretty damn clear: Melissa believes her marriage has been under attack for years, and she believes Teresa is the person behind it.
And now that same rumor has somehow made its way back around again, landing Danielle in the middle of a mess that was already waiting to explode.
Danielle is convinced Margaret is behind the rumor, and naturally, Margaret overhears them talking about her. Marge immediately announces that she is going to wrap Danielle’s Amazon dress around her throat.
LMAO.
Danielle and Margaret go AT it. Marge has officially had enough of Danielle and wants her to shut up. She thinks Danielle is a stupid little shit-stirrer, which is probably not the best thing to say to someone who is already ready to throw hands.
Danielle starts throwing full-on Staten Island hands and gesturing wildly, while Margaret fires back by calling her a “low budget Betty.”
Danielle responds by calling Margaret an “old hag Nancy.”
Fair enough.
At this point, everyone is screaming, and Melissa is physically holding Margaret back. Melissa blames Jennifer Aydin and Teresa for setting Danielle up and calls them “losers.”
Teresa immediately takes offense.
Because of course she does.
Melissa is officially sick of the cheating rumors. Teresa, meanwhile, is stunned that Melissa is bringing all of this up at the party. Dolores can see this shit escalating and wants everyone out of her house, but unfortunately, we have long since passed the point where anyone is listening to Dolores.
Melissa chases Teresa through the party, screaming, “You called my husband to your house!”
Now both Joe Gorga and Luis are paying attention, and they both look a little crazed and heated. Frank Catania, meanwhile, looks incredibly relieved that he is not involved in any of this.
Luis looks like he has been waiting for a fight all night, and now he has one. He is furious that Melissa called Teresa a “loser.” His face is bright red, his eyes are bugging out of his head, and he is screaming, “I am a winner!” like Charlie Sheen circa 2007.
Sir, this is a 1920s-themed party.
Joe asks Melissa what just happened, and she explains that Luis called him to his house and told him about the cheating rumor. Joe gives his side of the story and confirms that Luis did, in fact, tell him about it. He also makes it clear that he knows the rumor isn’t true.
So now we have the two husbands fully engaged, Luis is apparently auditioning for the role of motivational speaker at a very angry convention, and Dolores’ lovely flapper party has officially gone completely off the rails.
Danielle and Margaret go at it again, because apparently one explosion wasn’t enough. Jennifer Aydin gets involved, and Margaret accuses Jen of still wanting revenge over the Bill cheating revelation from last season. Marge brings up how that whole situation hurt Jennifer’s daughter.
Marge is extremely dismissive about it, which sends Jennifer completely over the edge. Jen goes hysterical and eventually has to be escorted out by Bill.
This party is true Jersey history.
Meanwhile, Luis is smoking a cigarette and hovering around the edges of the party, looking like he is waiting for an excuse to get involved. Danielle still will not shut up, despite the fact that basically everyone wants her to.
Joe tells Danielle not to worry about the cheating rumors because he doesn’t believe them.
So why are we still talking about this?
Oh, dear.
Here comes Luis.
He says, “I called Joe. I call Joe a lot of things,” while staring Joe Gorga dead in the face.
Well, that doesn’t sound threatening at all.
Joe Gorga looks almost bemused by the whole thing, which is probably the only reasonable reaction at this point.
Then Luis yells out, “Bo Dietl knows shit about everyone in this room!”
And there it is.
Bo Dietl is a former cop and current private investigator, and suddenly everyone is paying attention. The name means absolutely nothing to some of the guests, but it clearly means something to the people who know what Luis is talking about.
Melissa asks Luis why his eyes are bugging out and why he is acting like this, and Luis starts speaking to her aggressively.
Joe Gorga does NOT like that.
He tells Luis to back off, and suddenly Danielle’s husband Nate is physically holding Luis back.
Because apparently the only thing this elegant 1920s party was missing was a human barricade between two angry New Jersey husbands.
I actually like Joe Gorga here. He is always losing his shit, and it often gets old, but I love a man who sticks up for his wife, especially against an asshole like Luis. Joey Gorga asks who talks to a woman like that, which is a fair question coming from a man who seems to have completely forgotten all the times he has called his own sister “garbage,” a “bitch,” and plenty of other nasty things over the years.
Meanwhile, Danielle and Marge are STILL fighting. Danielle tells Margaret to kiss her fat, flat ass. Marge declines the invitation and calls her a “stupid fucking bitch.”
Honestly, Danielle was a fool to bring this rumor up at a party and expect it to go well. She walked into a powder keg, lit a match, and then seemed surprised when the whole damn room exploded.
Dolores looks completely done and understandably pissed that her party has been ruined. More than anything, though, she wants everyone to be okay. She wanted to throw a fun party, and instead she has ended up refereeing a full-scale Jersey civil war.
And then there is the Bo Dietl bomb.
Luis dropped that name into the middle of the party, and the fallout is clearly not going to end here. This shit is going to ripple through the upcoming reunion and create some major fractures in an already broken group.
The party is over, but the bomb Luis dropped is still sitting there, waiting to explode.
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