The second day in Mexico and Dorinda is up bright and early doing yoga. She did, after all, sleep through dinner the night before. But, stunningly, Luann is also up with the cock and ready to roll. This woman is a rockstar. Last night, she was rolling around drunk in the bushes, and today she is doing a perfect downward dog like it ain’t no thing. She is my hero.
Luann explains that the margaritas did her in. They sure did.
Bethenny comes down and immediately starts making ass-crack wisecracks. She comments on what a tough bitch Luann is, and honestly, she’s not wrong.
At breakfast, Carole wants huevos rancheros without the rancheros. Because apparently that’s a thing you can order. Luann says she took a tumble in the garden, and somehow doesn’t have a scratch on her. Yeah, you did.
Tinsley’s new boyfriend and Carole’s boyfriend each send them flowers. I want someone to send me flowers on vacation. It’s kinda showy, but I would enjoy it.
Bethenny asks if Tinsley is in love, and Tinsley does what Tinsley does and demurs. Some of the ladies are going to go surfing, but Bethenny has something else on her mind. She wants to talk to Ramona privately.
Ramona gives Bethenny a half-hearted apology, saying she doesn’t even know why she is always picking at her. She isn’t really sorry, though. She wants something. Specifically, she wants to be invited on the Tequila Tour tomorrow.
Bethenny views the Tequila Tour as a professional gig and doesn’t think she can risk having Ramona there. She says she has never had anyone attack her the way Ramona does. Ramona, meanwhile, thinks Bethenny takes everything too seriously. Bethenny says this goes back ten years and that Ramona clearly doesn’t like her.
Ramona, ever the linguist, replies, “I don’t not not like you.” Whatever.
Bethenny still doesn’t want Ramona coming on the tour, but Ramona is determined to try everything in her power to get Bethenny to change her mind. Because of course she is. This is Ramona we’re talking about. “No” is merely the beginning of the negotiation.
Luann is going to go surfing, and I really think she may be a superhero. This woman was rolling around drunk in the bushes last night and is now out on a surfboard like she was born for this. A hungover Luann is on the water looking fantastic.
Meanwhile, Ramona and Sonja bitch about Tinsley some more. They vent to each other for a while, because apparently they have decided Tinsley is the vacation group project.
Tinsley wants to talk to Sonja about what happened the night before. She wants Sonja to protect her, not badmouth her. She thinks Sonja should squash the Page Six story.
Sonja is not having it. She starts yapping at Tinsley, because apparently this conversation was never going to go the way Tinsley hoped.
Back on the water, the ladies are surfing and actually look like they are having fun for a change. They all do a great job, too. Surfing looks fun, but I would absolutely break my face. I’m no Luann.
All of the women meet back up at the house and then head into town to do some shopping. Bethenny admits she feels bad about excluding Ramona from the Tequila Tour tomorrow and feels like Ramona is auditioning to get on the trip. And Ramona is laying it on thick.
While shopping, she does everything but literally perform for Bethenny in an attempt to get on her good side. She tries on a dress for Bethenny and even buys her things when Bethenny’s credit card gets blocked. Ramona is notoriously cheap, so this is really something else. Bethenny admits that Ramona is starting to wear her down. She doesn’t want to be mean, but Ramona is making it very difficult to keep saying no.
Then Ramona buys cute little purses for all of the women and borrows money from Luann to pay for them. But oh, she didn’t even buy one for Luann.
This broad.
Ramona also manages to exclude Dorinda because she is so distracted trying to kiss Bethenny’s ass. Apparently, there is only room for so much ass-kissing in a day.
Back at the villa, the women hit the pool and the hot tub and start discussing the Tequila Tour tomorrow. Ramona is exhausted from spending the entire day up Bethenny’s ass, and Bethenny finally admits she won’t leave her out of the tour.
So there you have it. Ramona gets her way.
Sonja sticks up for Ramona and says she used to hear Ramona and Mario having sex every night and that the sex made Ramona happy. According to Sonja, single Ramona is not happy. I guess Sonja has done the research.
Ramona takes her new boobs for a run on the beach. She is such a…oh, I don’t even know what.
Sonja and Ramona speak alone, and Ramona finally understands that she has hurt Bethenny’s feelings. She says she admires Bethenny’s accomplishments. Man, she really wants to go on this Tequila Tour.
At dinner, Bethenny reminds everyone that it can’t be a blackout night because they have the tour tomorrow. Good luck with that.
Tinsley is still going on about the Page Six story, which also mentions Ramona. Sonja and Ramona dismiss Tinsley as having a tantrum, while Carole backs Tinsley up.
The whole fight is stupid. And boring.
They are yelling in a restaurant. Not surprising, but still.
Sonja says she is happy as a “lark.” None of these women have a solid grasp of their native language.
Dorinda, mercifully, changes the subject by passing out some funny gifts to the women.
The dinner goes pretty smoothly, and they head back to the house to go over the schedule for tomorrow’s tour. No one is more excited than Ramona. After spending the entire day campaigning for her spot, she finally got what she wanted.
Bethenny begs her not to misbehave on the tour. Ramona looks moved, but I think it’s just one of her crazy faces. She agrees to watch herself.
Bethenny is happy they worked things out, and Ramona is coming on the tour. After all that ass-kissing, the woman earned her spot.
The women are all up early the next morning. Sonja announces that she is breaking her alcohol fast for this tour. Yay. This I am ready to see.
Ramona wraps her busted-up face in a towel, and they head off to the helicopters. Naturally, she bumps her head. Oy, vey. Ramona is a mess.
They take the helicopters right into the agave fields, which is pretty damn cool. Bethenny rubs it in a little that Ramona almost missed the whole thing, and Ramona admits that she is happy to be there.
Bethenny is really proud of what she has put together, and she should be. This is clearly a big deal for her, and after all the drama about whether Ramona would even be allowed to come, it has finally paid off.
The women head off into the tequila plant and start out with some Skinnygirl margaritas. Bethenny says this is going to be the Olympics of drinking and that these women have been preparing for ten years. She’s not wrong.
They start sampling some ridiculously strong tequilas, and everyone starts getting buzzed pretty quickly, which is, after all, the entire point of this trip.
Ramona starts talking about how sensual the tequila is and how it explodes in her mouth and dribbles down her chin, and suddenly I am sick.
The town of Tequila is amazing, though, and they head to an incredible lunch already lit up, only to find out that it is a multi-course tequila tasting. Because apparently these women haven’t consumed enough alcohol yet.
They all toast to Bethenny, and Ramona manages to keep her trap shut this time. Progress!
They see some children riding horses, and Tinsley wants to take one home.
No. That is frowned upon.
Sonja is getting big buzzed, and I anticipate that won’t end well.
They return to the villa and keep drinking because, why not? Their spirits are high, and it is a shit show.
They take turns jumping in the pool. Luann looks amazing, and Sonja wants to make out with her right off the bat. Tinsley looks frightened. I don’t blame her.
Dorinda nearly bashes her head coming off the rope swing, because apparently Ramona isn’t the only one having a rough day with gravity.
Sonja is babbling, and Ramona tries to share something about her marriage to Mario. This triggers Sonja big time, and she starts going on and on about how miserable Ramona is now that she isn’t having sex every night.
Ramona tells her she’s fine, but Sonja won’t quit. Bethenny tells Sonja to back off, but there is no stopping this woman.
Finally, Ramona screams, “I am happy, bitch!”
And we get a “To Be Continued…” screen.
Well, there it is. I guess I better gear up for Part 3. It looks like there is bloodshed.
I am ready.
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