We pick up in Key West where Vicki has, of course, injured herself. It’s the morning after, and Emily and Kelly are headed to the Hemingway House for some culture. I have skipped this both times I’ve visited Key West because I am cheap. I also don’t love tours all that much. A girlfriend of mine did have her son’s wedding there, though, and it looked very pretty, so apparently I am willing to appreciate it from a distance.
Anyhow, busted-up Vicki is regretting the drinks and the pool from last night. Meanwhile, the Tres Amigas don’t know who Ernest Hemingway is or why they should care about his house. Fair enough, I guess.
We get flashbacks of Vicki being loaded into an ambulance, and I start wondering how many ambulances this woman has been in over the course of her life. At this point, she should have frequent-flyer miles.
Kelly thinks Vicki does this shit for attention. I think she just drinks a lot.
Kelly is tired of being bullied, and the other women are tired of feeling like they have to pick sides. We also see the Conch Train! I have ridden the Conch Train. It’s not what you think. I was expecting something much more train-like, but apparently Key West has decided that the word “train” is flexible.
Braunwyn, Emily, and Kelly are at the Hemingway House, and Kelly is surprisingly informed about Hemingway. She actually reads, and that is refreshing.
We see some six-toed cats! Yay. They are precious, but watch out—they bite. So do the chickens, but that is a story for another day.
Meanwhile, the Tres Amigas are going parasailing, and given Vicki’s broken foot, I just have to see this.
Vicki can’t even stand up without falling off her crutches, and it’s great. Shannon tries to demonstrate how to use the crutches correctly and promptly steps on Vicki’s broken foot. I die. What a shit show.
Kelly, Gina, and Emily go out on jet skis, and remember, Gina is afraid of the water. Like, really afraid. Which makes this a completely reasonable activity.
Meanwhile, the Tres Amigas and Braunwyn get on a boat for the parasailing, and they have to haul Vicki’s busted-up ass aboard. She wisely opts out of the actual parasailing and just hangs out on the boat. Smart girl.
Tamra and Shannon do the parasailing, and I do not like it. It looks scary and loud, and Shannon keeps shrieking.
Back to Gina, she sees a shark and freaks out like a buffalo chicken. She is really afraid of the water. Shannon is shrieking much louder, though, so at least Gina doesn’t have to take the title of Most Terrified.
Emily, Kelly, and Gina have lunch, and Kelly says that Vicki gets hurt so often she should be in a convalescent home. LMAO. Housewives really do have a way with words.
Tamra thinks Kelly needs shock treatment, and Kelly feels like Vicki hates her. We see old scenes of Vicki being a shitty friend to Kelly, and, honestly, I can see why Kelly feels that way.
Now all of the women are wondering if they will even be able to enjoy their dinner cruise that evening with the group this fractured. Because nothing says relaxing vacation like wondering which of your friends is going to start a fight on a boat.
On the dinner cruise, Vicki hands out custom hats she had made for everyone, with Kelly’s saying “Krazy AF.” Kelly says she won’t wear it and that Vicki is poking the bear.
It’s a formidable bear.
Emily tries to talk to Kelly about her anger. Emily thinks that she, too, is reactionary, like Kelly. Emily believes it is rubbing off on her daughter, Annabelle, and she hates seeing it. She and Kelly discuss going to therapy together to work on their issues.
Good for them.
Tamra and Kelly make nice again, and Tamra wants Vicki and Kelly to make up. It doesn’t happen. Kelly walks off. Vicki denies any fault in the situation, as Vicki does.
Vicki is the Ramona of the West Coast.
Next, we are back in the OC. Shannon and Tamra are preparing to host Vicki’s engagement party. Gina’s daughter wants to be Batgirl when she grows up. Me, too.
Tamra, Eddie, Braunwyn, and her husband go out to dinner. Braunwyn tries to prove how cute and flirty she is. Braunwyn is really annoying.
I am bored now that Vicki has stopped hurting herself and Kelly isn’t calling anyone a pig.
Shannon and her date arrive at dinner, too. They all gossip about Vicki and Kelly and agree they are both dirty and go low. This conversation is getting old.
Kelly goes to the batting cage with her boyfriend, Dr. Brian, and it’s really boring. He agrees that she should work on her anger problems, so apparently everyone in Kelly’s life has reached the same conclusion.
Kelly wonders where their relationship is heading and says she won’t move in with him unless they are engaged. She is also nervous about Vicki’s upcoming engagement party.
That’s about it.
I feel like this is a lot of filler leading up to the party.
We see Gina packing up her Coto house. She is downsizing. Her kids are very cute.
Filler, filler, filler.
She’s taken her extensions out, as per Kelly’s brutal suggestion. It looks better, but still not great. Gina’s current-day hair is better.
She calls her mom and says she and Matt have decided not to get divorced after all.
Well, that was a quick turnaround!
I don’t think it’s gonna go so well, unfortunately, but then again, hindsight is everything.
At Tamra’s house, we see her son Spencer, who is on the show for the first time in years now that he has turned 18. He has a lot of tattoos and piercings, and Tamra has some misgivings about them.
Her older son, Ryan, comes over to hash out some issues with Spencer. They have been trading insults on social media because Spencer called Ryan a racist. They all bicker a bit.
Spencer has just gone through a breakup and feels like Tamra wasn’t there for him. Tamra disagrees. Spencer is frustrated that the family can’t have deep conversations. He is over it.
So am I.
Kelly and Emily follow through on their plan to meet with a therapist for their anger issues. It goes well, but it’s one session, and I am not buying that it will change anything for either of them.
We do get some nice clips of them each being angry, though.
It’s not as much fun as the Key West scenes, but I will take it.
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