This week, the women of Salt Lake City are headed to San Francisco for some Golden State fun in the sun. Oh, wait. It’s San Francisco. There probably won’t be any sun. But anyway, we start with some opening shots of the women and finally land on Mary, who is still suffering from Robert Jr.’s loss but has managed to keep her sense of humor.
Bronwyn meets Whitney and Ashley Quai for lunch while Angie heads over to Mary’s house with an orchid. Mary says that the women have been a real blessing to her, and she is glad that Angie is there to catch her up on the group. They discuss Robert Sr., and Angie is so impressed by how he has been supporting Mary. Angie says she has gone through hard times in her marriage, but nothing like what Mary and Robert are experiencing.
Angie tells Mary about the new girl, Ashley, and Mary just hopes she is not like Britani. Same, girl, same.
At lunch, Bronwyn says she likes Ashley, but needs to understand how she could be friends with Lisa. Bronwyn admits saying horrible things about Lisa, but says Lisa started it. I am just calling Quai “Ashley” from this point on.
Angie tells Mary a story about Ashley supposedly cleaning her husband’s toothbrush when she was mad at him. Doesn’t everyone do this when they are mad? No comment.
Anyway, I don’t think I much care for Ashley. I am putting her in the Britani category for now, Mary.
Angie says she has heard that hotel maids will sometimes take your toothbrush and stick it up their butt, and that’s a new one for me. I am just gonna have to start taking my toothbrush with me wherever I go. You can’t trust people around those things.
Ashley says that she felt Angie was rude to her by calling her the new girl and thinks Angie should not really have opinions about her. She also says Heather was really nice to her, but then acted crazy at dinner. It frightened Ashley, and she is not sure which version of Heather is the real Heather. Whitney sticks up for Heather and says Ashley can trust her.
Either way, everyone is excited about the trip, but Mary tells Angie she won’t be going, which is totally understandable.
Next up, we see shots of the women packing and getting ready for their trip. They will be away on Saint Patrick’s Day, and Heather is ready for a good time. Angie tells us she is looking forward to the trip because things are not great in her marriage. She and Sean have grown apart and mostly avoid each other. She says that has gone on for a couple of years. Yikes.
At Meredith’s, she is playing with her DJ equipment. Why do all of these women suddenly become DJs, and more importantly, who in the hell is hiring them? Oh, hell. I probably would.
Seth helps her with the equipment, and I can’t stop staring at her wig. What is going on with it? Why is she wearing it? Does she have a mirror? Her nose looks different, too, but maybe it just got moved around during the facelift? I dunno, but something is off there.
She and Seth debate how much attention their grown children need. Meredith says it’s a lot. All of her kids are involved in her businesses, and she loves it. Seth thinks she coddles them.
At the airport, everyone is all set for San Francisco. Bronwyn has been hyping up the Saint Patrick’s Day trip. Whitney arrives dressed like a leprechaun. I don’t know why, but it irritates me. I think I am imagining being stuck on a plane with her in the costume and thinking it would irritate me.
Lisa isn’t into themes, as we know, but she is wearing green. Britani wanders around pinching and filming strangers like a total moron. WHY is she back? None of the women really like her, and I don’t either.
They finally get to San Francisco and there is sun! On the sprinter van, Bronwyn shares that she grew up nearby, and Whitney also lived near San Francisco for some time. Heather says she feels sorry for Todd, who is a cretin, because Bronwyn has taken all of his money and moved on with a model.
Bronwyn gives them their itinerary for the day and everyone is pretty stoked. Bronwyn discusses doing the Oscar red carpet commentary for E!. Lisa chimes in that she has been invited to the Oscars a ton of times, but has never gone. She is so full of shit. She would probably eat her young for an invite to the Oscars, and all of the women know it.
She blabs on and on about being invited to everything, even before she was on Housewives, and it’s catty. Bronwyn dismisses it.
They arrive at a great hotel in a fantastic neighborhood of the city, and I am jealous. My bestie used to live in San Fran, and I spent a whole lot of time there. I miss it.
Meredith’s room doesn’t have a bathtub. Oh, the horror. The eternal horror.
Bronwyn puts together a bunch of things she has themed for Saint Patrick’s Day. Meredith calls her daughter Chloe, and over the phone, she sounds just like Brooks. It’s freaky.
Heather and Whitney go to Bronwyn’s room, and then Angie shows up, too. Heather asks Whitney what Ashley’s take on everyone is, and Whitney says Ashley said she had interesting experiences with both Heather and Angie. She repeats what Ashley said at lunch, as a good little Housewife does.
Heather and Angie are both offended that Ashley got a bad read on them. They think Ashley is just looking for trouble. Angie brings up the damn toothbrush again. Whitney cannot believe Angie repeated that, as Whitney told her the story in confidence.
Suddenly, Heather and Angie are very anti-Ashley. Whitney is pissed at Angie. It’s gonna be a whale of a trip.
The women all don their best green-themed outfits and head out on the town. They have their own private trolley to take them around town, and it’s awesome. It puts Heather in the mood for Rice-a-Roni. Me, too, kinda.
Britani babbles and Lisa shuts her down. I enjoy it.
Angie gives everyone a toothbrush and I DIE. When did she buy them? This is great. She flat out confronts Ashley with the toothbrush story, and Ashley is dumbfounded—and pissed at Whitney. Ashley does admit she did it, though, and maybe I dislike her a little bit less.
Lisa asks about the condition of the toilet when Ashley cleaned it with her husband’s toothbrush. Lisa says she loves Ashley because she owns her shit.
Angie is still harping on it. She really blows things out of proportion. Always. Heather joins in because she also doesn’t like Ashley. They all start yelling over each other.
Cool trolley trip officially ruined. It may as well be a sprinter van. So much for the Rice-a-Roni.
Ashley swears that she never called Heather “diabolical,” and suddenly Whitney is doubting her own memory and thinks she may have gotten it wrong.
Whitney finally admits that she may have been wrong about what Ashley said. Way to go, Whitney.
Bronwyn tells Ashley that she does not appreciate Ashley yelling at her when she has been there like seven minutes.
They finally hit the first bar, and I realize these bitches aren’t even drunk yet. Christ. They all start pounding Guinness, and no good can come from this. They haven’t even had dinner yet.
Lisa tells us she is Team Ashley and hates how the women gang up on her.
Bronwyn takes a stranger’s cigarette on the street, and suddenly I like her so much more.
On the way to dinner, Ashley cries, and Meredith and Lisa try to comfort her. Ashley blames Whitney for the whole Diabolical Debacle and, duh. Most of the women are over Ashley, and she literally just got here.
She is off to a great start!
Read the Recaps of Episodes 1 and 2 here!
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