Okay, peeps. I have been waiting to recap this and truly hope it feels like old RHONY again, but with more sunshine and palm trees, so let’s dive right in and hope for the best!
The women immediately tell us they are older and wiser, the former of which is clear, except for Luann, who seems to be aging backward. They will be spending two months in Palm Beach, which is like a full-time playground vacation for adults. Ramona pretty much has been living there full time for two years, while Dorinda is also contemplating a move. Ramona tells us she is calmer than she used to be, which isn’t saying much.
The episode starts with Luann arriving and telling us she feels freer than ever since RHONY filming ended five years ago. She heads straight to Ramona’s. Interesting. We then cut to Sonja driving around town and telling us how much she has loved her time in Palm Beach, and that she has quit drinking, but is still the straw that stirs the drink.
Kelly does cartwheels on the beach and I sigh. Why is she back? I really thought RHONY was done with her. I know I am.
Dorinda arrives, fresh off the publication of her second book. About what, I wonder? She is debating a move to Palm Beach, or at least saying that she is for the sake of the show. She says she is in a different place from when she was paused (fired) from Bravo.
Luann is the first to arrive at Ramona’s house, and I have to admit, this does feel like old RHONY, and it’s nice. Ramona immediately tells Luann she is dressed wrong for Palm Beach, and then Sonja comes stumbling in, bearing flowers. She says she hasn’t seen much of the women the last couple of years. She thinks it is kismet that they are all back together again. I think it’s a television deal, but that’s just me.
They catch up on their love lives, and Sonja admits that she has been a bit of a recluse lately. Luann loves a yacht, so she has planned a party on one, and the women are all looking forward to it. Luann also has a boyfriend, Michael, whom we also met on RHUGT. Luann insists they are monogomous, which is a nice change for her.
They also discuss the background between Sonja and Dorinda, and Sonja brings up the time–a decade or so ago–when Dorinda cut her out of filming at Bluestone Manor. Sonja has literally been on this hamster wheel for years.
Sonja feels that Dorinda took money from her, since the wives are paid by the episode, and that particular cast trip was three episodes. This really may be true, but it is SUCH old news, Sonja.
Next up, Dorinda and Luann arrive to meet Kelly for lunch. She has her dog with her. Luann picks the poor thing up by its harness, and I don’t like it. I usually like Luann, but it’s a dog, not a purse. Do better, Countess.
Luann catches them up on how Ramona and Sonja are doing, and we come back to Sonja being a hermit. Kelly and Dorinda haven’t seen them since their RHUGT three years ago. The women are surprised that Sonja has quit drinking, but think it’s a good thing. Dorinda doesn’t believe that Sonja is dating someone, but Dorinda hates Sonja and never believes anything she says.
Luann tells the women that she recently went to Sonja in the City show in disguise, and part of the show was Sonja badmouthing other Housewives–including calling Dorinda “unfuckable.” This can’t be the first time Dorinda has heard this, right? Based on her chewing and table manners, I would have to agree. And you can tell a lot by someone’s table manners, trust me.
Luann was hurt by Sonja’s show, and Dorinda is also on the defensive. She basically told Sonja that if she speaks about her again, Dorinda is going to sue her. And, speak of the Devil, Sonja arrives. The fake smiles abound. Sonja and Kelly debate how long it’s been since they have seen each other, and Luann and Dorinda are ready to jam out of there–pretty much as soon as Sonja arrives. Luann reminds them about the yacht party the next night and evidently, the infamous Harry Dubin will be there. Yuck.
The next night, it is raining, but they have a whole yacht to enjoy, so who cares? The Palm Beach crowd arrives, and their faces are literally indistiguishable from one another. If you’ve ever been to Palm Beach, you know what I mean. They all have the same plastic surgeon.
Harry arrives, and is on the prowl for Sonja. Again. Come on, NY girls. Do better. We waited five years for NEW drama, not Harry Frikkin Dubin.
Ramona arrives and is as socially awkward and cringey as ever. I am so glad I have never been in a room with this woman. Just watching her jerky little twitchy movements makes me so uncomfortable. They all gossip a little bit about Sonja, and Harry says Sonja is at the bar every night–despite telling everyone she quit drinking. To me, it’s frankly nobody’s business, but okay.
Sonja and Kelly finally arrive and it’s awkward, because they all have to stop talking shit about how they think she is a liar. Sonja arrives to the cocktail party in a bathing suit and I don’t get that. Kelly totally told her she was going to wear one, too, but shows up in a gown instead. Sonja is immediately irritated by Harry’s presence. Luann encourages her to give him another chance. I mean, he does have a trust fund. That’s no small thing.
All of a sudden, Sonja brings up Luann’s arrest and I gasp. I’m not sure Luann caught it, because she doesn’t really respond, and instead jumps on Sonja for lying about not seeing Harry, when he says they see each other all the time. AND then, Sonja busts out with “Luann! He said you squirted!” I gasp even louder–I really do. Sonja is coming in swinging on this show, and shots are being fired on this yacht.
Instead of getting mad, Luann totally owns it and I die. Good for her! Dorinda and Sonja have some awkward interaction. Sonja goes on and on about the past, and Dorinda has been sick of that schtick for years. Sonja dives right in on the ancient Bluestone Manor trip, and Dorinda wants no part of it. I don’t blame her. It’s very, very old news. But then again, so is Harry Dubin, and he is still there.
Luann gives a speech and Sonja falls over, as she often does. Luann is embarrassed for her, and so am I. The next morning, we see the ladies going about their morning routines. Luann has a team of gay men around for breakfast, and I love this. That’s the way to start a morning. They all tell her how rude and ignorant Ramona was on the yacht, and there is no surprise there. Ramona is consistently her worst self, and always has been.
Luann and Dorinda head out for lunch and discuss how different Palm Beach is from NYC. Luann says Palm Beach makes her hornier, and that is really saying something. Dorinda says the yacht party was bizarre, and that she doesn’t believe anything Sonja says, which as been firmly established. Luann thinks Sonja is embarrassed by her financial situation, and embellishes stories about her life. I think she just nailed it. Dorinda would do well to have more compassion.
Sonja and Kelly meet for a Pilates class. I should really work out more, but I am old and tired. Sonja feels like the girls are already ganging up on her, and now she has resorted to hanging out with Kelly Coocoockoodoodledo. T
hey gossip about Harry and I am so bored with it. I was bored with it twelve years ago, and I hope this isn’t a whole thing this season. Sonja really harps on the Dorinda/Bluestone Manor history, and Kelly seems to be the only one giving it air. Everyone else is over it.
Eventually, even Kelly does tell her to let it go, and it’s solid advice, surprisingly.
At Luann’s, her boyfriend, Michael arrives and the Countess gets all warm, fuzzy, and hormonal. She seems happy. He is set to meet most of the women for the first time that night, and Luann wonders how Sonja will behave. She warns Michael that Sonja likes to hit on her men, so he should be aware.
That afternoon, Ramona hosts a trunk/drinking show, and all of the women are invited. Luann getting ready is a whole Countess production, and I enjoy it. I want a team of professionals to do me up nice for an event.
At the event, Ramona says she only wants people who are socially prominent and financially able at her parties. She is worried about how the NYC women will fit in with her Palm Beach crowd. Ramona immediately spots a party crasher and calls her out. She tells her to buzz off and not interrupt filming. Ramona is a beast, but we’ve known that for decades.
The NYC girls all arrive late and make their entrances. Sonja comes in like a wrecking ball, talking about her gas, and Ramona continues to kick people out of her party, reminding everyone it is an exclusive event. She does not want any weeds in her garden.
Dorinda and Luann arrive and Sonja spots them, and pointedly ignores them. Ramona is annoyed that they are so late, but greets them anyway. They argue about how to pronounce the designer’s name, and Ramona butchers it. Housewives are notoriously bad with words, but it’s her event and she should do better, since she is such a maven and all.
Ramona does a whole toast to the four NYC women and Sonja won’t shut up. It’s cringey, and Ramona bellows at her to stop. She doesn’t.
They all try on some clothes and Sonja is super critical about Dorinda’s outfit. They all agree she is being rude, but Sonja seems pretty intentional with her comments, so I don’t think she cares. Ramona is the first to leave her party, and tells the women to meet her later that night. She tells them each to bring a friend, and Luann wants to bring her people, whom Ramona views as “workers” and therefore beneath her.
Have I mentioned how long this episode is? They meet up for dinner and Sonja is still rambling. It’s painful. She is like the girl at the bar who has been there too long and thinks everyone is her new best friend. I have been this girl, so I know. I miss my drinking days.
Ramona jumps on Sonja for her behavior at the sip and shop, particularly how she did not greet Luann or Dorinda. Sonja points out that they also did not say hello to her, and that’s fair. Sonja won’t let it go. Dorinda arrives and compliments Ramona on the event, and Luann shows up with all her worker bees. Queen Bee Ramona is not going to like this surprise.
Ramona is pissed and says there is no room for them at the table. She flat out calls Luann’s friends “employees” and Luann bristles. Rightfully so. Ramona is classless. They argue over which of them is more rude. They both are, but let’s be honest, Ramona is always worse and her treatment of other human beings is abominable.
Luann is wrong her for showing up with people who were not invited, but Ramona only cares because she considers them beneath her, and that’s hideous. Luann says “hi” to Sonja and Sonja seems offended. Dorinda jumps all over Sonja, and it’s just like the good old RHONY days.
Sonja feels ganged up on and says she doesn’t feel well and has to go. She acts very strangely, and Luann tells us she is erratic. Then, Sonja talks more about her gas and her hormones, and none of it makes much sense. She leaves the table to throw up, and then actually goes back which I think is just disgusting.
After all of that, the night actually ends on a fairly good note, which is not surprising–these women have always been like a ride on the bipolar express. They are all dancing and having a good time, and Ramona is once again awful to Luann’s friends. It’s hideous. I hate her, but I am so glad these bitches are back on television that I don’t even care.
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