This episode of Lisa Barlow’s Lips Are Scary starts with Heather and her boyfriend, Tripp, heading to her Jupiter Year party. She plans to introduce him to all of the women there, which is a decidedly risky move. They have been dating about six months and are in love, so Heather feels like it is the right time for him to meet everyone. Let’s see.
The party set up looks cool, and Heather is SO skinny. Good for her. I love me some Mounjaro.
On the way to the party, Bronwyn asks her boyfriend, Brandon, if he is nervous, but he seems pretty well broken in after the San Francisco fiasco, so there is that.
He even tells Bronwyn that he kind of vibed to Meredith’s and Lisa’s “Hypocrisy and Bullshit.” I kind of love this detail. Seth makes an appearance, and Meredith is dramatically happy he will be there, considering all of the women have defamed him for years. Angie and Mary head to the party together, and Mary does not do costumes, so she went for fashion instead. Whitney goes all out with the zodiac theme and comes dressed as the Libra scale. It’s cute.
As the party gets underway, Heather tells Whitney that Angie is worked up about Whitney calling Andie “messy,” when Whitney is the messiest one of them all. I think they are all messy, but that’s just me.
Then, Heather gets messy and tells Whitney that Lisa has been talking shit and says Whitney uses her personal life as an excuse to behave badly. Whitney finds this disgusting, but I actually think Lisa may have a point. These women all use what they go through to excuse themselves–except for Mary, and she has been through the biggest personal tragedy of them all.
Whitney drops the bomb that John Barlow has told Justin, Whitney’s husband, that he and Lisa are broke and miserable together. Well, this party is gonna go just great. No one has even really arrived yet, and major shots are being fired.
As the women arrive, Heather starts introducing Tripp around. Whitney fills Bronwyn in on what Lisa is saying. She says the gloves are off, and it feels like it. When Angie gets there, Whitney is very chilly to her, and Mary thinks that Whitney always looks cheap. She isn’t wrong.
Britani arrives and Mary rolls her eyes. So do I. Lisa comes in and Whitney is shooting daggers at her right away. She doesn’t even greet Lisa. Mary tells Seth about Britani taking her flowers and I am reminded once again how tacky Britani and her high body count hair are. Britani claims she regifted the flowers to a nursing home. Mary is super insulted and the other women agree.
Britani approaches Seth and says she is glad to see him–Lisa says she is not sure that feeling is mutual, since Britani has been slandering him. It’s awkward, and Seth calls Britani out for talking shit. He then bails on the whole event and says he can’t take much more. Meredith tells Britani not to speak to her or her husband again unless she has an apology for them.
Something is very wrong with Britani’s lips? What are she and Lisa doing to their faces? It’s no bueno. Britani keeps trying to speak to Meredith, and Meredith is determined to pretend they don’t exist. Lisa and Meredith walk away from Britani to get a zodiac reading together. The reader starts by clearing their energy, and that seems like a solid choice.
Angie heads over to Bronwyn and tells her to brace herself. She fills Bronwyn in on what everyone has been saying, especially Britani looking into the sale of Bronwyn’s house. Britani spreads a lot of shit around, and I don’t know how she has the nerve to show up to these events. Everyone hates her. Bronwyn is mostly unbothered, as she does not find Britani a formidable opponent. Who would? Next, Angie tells Bronwyn that Lisa said Brandon is just a publicity stunt. Bronwyn laughs it off.
Whitney comes over and since she is pissed, too, this is great. Britani comes over and it is so bad. The women, especially Bronwyn, just glare, and even Britani, who is certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed, realizes she has just walked into something.
Meanwhile, she has gum in her fake hair. I can’t with this girl. She is just nasty and uninteresting. Angie asks Britani why she is always pulling up people’s house information and being a nasty snoop. Bronwyn jumps in and calls Britani out on her bullshit and how she is always trying to cause problems. She goes off on Britani and Britani puts her finger in her face. Bronwyn tells her to get her stank ass breath away from her face. I guess she doesn’t have any mints in her hair. That sucks.
Quai, whom I forgot existed, tells Britani that she is creepy, and Britani tells Quai she knows a lot about her, too. Britani really is creepy. I wish she would get off the show. Quai says she doesn’t care because Britani is an attention whore, and so Britani calls her a flat out whore. Geezus. Britani needs to go get some new hair and leave these women alone.
Everyone walks away from Britani, except Angie, who tries to tell her to stop what she is doing, including stealing Mary’s flowers. Angie questions whether Britani’s visits to nursing homes are in the hopes of getting into some wills. Britani tries to cry, but she can’t. Her face won’t move, and there are no tears. Just pitiful noises.
Heather gets up to give a speech and Angie tries to clean Britani up. Good luck with that mess. Britani and Angie talk through the whole speech, and now I dislike them both. Mary just wants to know where the food is. She also wonders what the hell is going on with Britani’s hair.
Whitney, who looks ready for battle, goes up to Lisa and tells her to get her phone ready, because she is going to want to call John. Uh oh. Here we go. Whitney then grabs Angie and asks if she is really mad that Whitney called her messy. Angie says it’s mostly ironic. Whitney is way pissed, and calls Angie out for all the pot stirring she is doing. Angie says Whitney is the messiest of them all, and they argue about whether it is messier to have called Lisa a “cunt” or to have said that her lips look like a vagina. This is a legitimately tough call.
Angie and Whitney both go over to Lisa and Whitney comes out swinging. Lisa questions her marriage and brings up the “cunt” comment. Meredith, in her best lady of the manor voice, stage whispers to Lisa that Whitney is in no position to judge. Whitney tells her to fuck off and I laugh. Whitney reminds Lisa that their husbands talk to each other, presumably about their marriages, and Lisa is VERY fast to say the conversation is over and she is done.
Mary questions Whitney and Whitney says she is pissed because Heather and Angie are being two faced. Mary, who has been watching Angie closely all night, agrees. Heather says she is not two faced, but she definitely isn’t backing Whitney up, either.
Britani goes over and grabs Mary’s arm, like literally, to ask if they can speak for a moment. No, Ma’am. Mary says no way Jose. She tells Britani to stay out of her space and that she does not want Britani around her. Good for her!
Britani tries to explain herself and says she doesn’t steal. Mary reminds her that she steals bread. Britani says she does that for the homeless. She is like Robin Hood. Mary says that if Britani steals one more thing from one of her events, they are going to have a real problem. It sounds like they already do, and I am here for it. Mary is going to put this girl in her rachety place.
Britani then goes into how she sent Mary flowers twice after her son died, and never got a thank you. Geezus. Maybe Mary was busy mourning her son? Even Bronwyn, who can’t stand Britani (no one can), tries to help her by telling her to zip it before she buries herself even further. Mary walks off in disgust.
Bronwyn goes after her and Mary says that when she told Britani she was still mourning her son, Britani said “that’s not a thing.” I caught this in the moment, but didn’t realize that was what she meant. Now, I hope she gets even more gum in her hair. She is vile.
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