RHUGT: The Roaring Twenties, Season 5, Episode 7

This week’s episode kicks off with the women getting ready for Lisa Hochstein’s lingerie party in Miami. At the party, we have some flashes of Housewives past, including Larsa Pippen and Adriana De Moura. Teresa is nervous because Jacqueline Laurita will be at the party, as well as Melissa Gorga. Melissa and Teresa have made peace because they both need the income from the show. I don’t believe for a second it will last; I think Andy Cohen made his point when he put them on pause, and they learned their lesson.

Peggy Tanuous from RHOC makes an appearance for some reason, and then Jacqueline and Melissa greet each other. They do not have a peaceful past, and we see flashes of them fighting over the years. Of course, in real time, nothing happens. They just make peace and hug.

Jacqueline and Teresa are also good now, so there is no drama there. Teresa and Melissa greet each other warmly, evidently having forgotten they recently swore never to be in each other’s presence again. The Miami ladies rehash some of their beefs, and Larsa and Lisa Hochstein get into it. They call each other bitches and advise one another to get therapy, which is probably a decent idea.

Lisa Hochstein gives a speech, and no one really gets what she is talking about. It isn’t very interesting, and it’s pretty much all about her.

Larsa Pippen tells Lisa Barlow that they were both at the Ben Affleck premiere that the SLC women don’t believe she attended. Lisa name-drops a bunch of other celebrities she knows, and it’s pretty tacky. Adriana performs, and Vicki wonders why the Housewives ever sing or dance. I do, too. Gizelle feels like Miami is bringing them all together for the first time— even Vicki seems like she is beginning to lighten up.

The party ends without anything really happening, and the next day, the women all head to New York for the next portion of their trip. We see a montage of iconic RHONY scenes, and I am hoping this next leg of the trip delivers some action.

In New York, we meet Luann’s boyfriend, and Dorinda arrives. She is there to make it nice and host a gangster lunch for the women.

Gizelle tells Vicki she is happy that Vicki is coming out of her shell, but they all agree that Luann is being annoying. They recall her insensitive comments at lunch last week, and all agree that Luann is self-involved, which is news to exactly no one.

We see each of the ladies getting ready for Dorinda’s party, and then they head to the Bronx. Carole shows up, so we see scenes of her on the show over the years. She has never been my favorite, but I guess she is making a comeback, so we are stuck with her.

On the way to the lunch, Vicki says she won’t be in the car with Luann again, and I really hope that the two of them get into it soon. We find out that Sonja is not coming to the lunch and has had very little contact with Dorinda or Luann lately. Once all the women arrive, Luann tells us she is still socially friendly with Carole, even though Carole banged her chef. Way to move on.

They spend some time rehashing Bethenny’s original gangster lunch, and I know I am beating a dead horse, but I’d really like to see some real-time drama on this show. Carole reads something she wrote about the Housewives’ experience. All of the women are moved, but I think it’s boring. They reflect on their bond and yada yada yada, kumbaya, my Lord. Teresa gets emotional thinking about her journey on the show, and Vicki sympathizes with her. Do I even need to say we get more flashbacks here? I am sure you knew that was coming.

Everyone supports Teresa and shares their own sob stories. Gizelle tells Teresa that her daughter looks up to Gia, and Teresa seems touched. Kyle relates to Teresa because they each have four daughters. Portia recently revealed that she has no memory of life before being on the show, and that makes Kyle cry. She feels like she exposed her kids to judgement–which she totally did.

Everyone shares their sob story about mom guilt and Teresa says she is having fun on the trip.

That night, there is a Halloween party, and Teresa dresses up like Cher. Luann is a slutty pirate, which is perfect, and I can’t figure out what Vicki is. Any guesses? The women head out to the party, leaving Porsha behind because she is running late. I have a feeling this will cause trouble later.

Alex McCord arrives, but without Simon. Kelly Bensimon and Jill Zarin are also there, because Jill wouldn’t miss an opportunity to be on camera if her life depended on it. Dolores arrives, as does Chanel Ayan. I love me some Dolores. Dorinda shows up in her Lady Gaga bubble dress costume, and Jessel gets on her case for repeating her outfit. Jessel is a nightmare.

Dorinda is not happy, and Chanel accidentally calls Dorinda Ramona. Thank God, Ramona isn’t there. Luann starts getting annoyed that Porsha is late for her event. Back at the hotel, Porsha does not seem to be in any hurry, and we leave off with Luann pissed at her.