RHUGT: The Roaring Twenties, Season 5, Episode 6

This week, the women continue their Housewives journey in Miami, and everyone is getting ready for the beach.

Vicki complains that her boobs are too big, while Lisa is busy kissing Teresa’s ass. Teresa, naturally, loves every second of it. Lisa thanks Teresa for standing by her after Lisa almost made everyone late for their flight.

Apparently, the other women have a fifteen-minute grace period rule when it comes to getting somewhere on time, and that’s it. We get a montage of all the Housewives who have been late for flights and other events across the various franchises.

Luann and Gizelle think Lisa should have apologized, but Lisa tells Teresa that she isn’t going to give a fake apology. She once again thanks Teresa for having her back against the SLC girls.

Vicki continues to complain, and most of her complaints seem to involve her bowels. I could live without it. So could Kyle.

For some reason, we get a bunch of flashbacks of the RHONY women shitting themselves at fabulous places all over the world. Because apparently, this is what we needed to revisit.

Luann, Gizelle, and Porsha discuss Vicki’s alter ego outfit and agree that she looked like a depressed Mary Poppins.

They also feel like the OC women didn’t support Vicki’s event, and maybe that is why she is being such a downer.

At the beach, Marysol is hosting a party, and there are weird mannequins everywhere. It looks like Michael Jackson’s house.

Gizelle says how impressive it is that RHOM came back after being off the air for eight years. Luann interrupts to check out the drinks—and the men.

Luann has game, so we get a montage of her working it through the years. Kyle is both shocked and impressed by Luann’s prowess.

They play a silly game of Wig Snatcher. It all feels like filler, and I would like to see some real interaction or drama between these women. I think there is a lunch coming up, and Lord knows these women can’t have a peaceful meal, so hopefully something will happen there.

The women fill the Miami girls in on their trip so far, and Porsha says she is disappointed that Vicki left the Atlanta event early. Vicki says that, for her, it was time to go.

Vicki insists that her leg was hurting and that she felt alone and out of place. Porsha questions this, and Vicki can’t really explain her feelings.

Porsha asks Vicki if she was feeling jealous of the Atlanta girls celebrating Nene when the OC women were so lackluster. Vicki says she is not that girl and doesn’t like attention. She’s just been on television for 20 years.

Luann tells Vicki that her friends should have celebrated her more and that the OC cast took Vicki down. Somehow, she turns this into a TED Talk about her music.

Luann tries to use a megaphone, but there are too many buttons and she can’t figure out how to work it. Vicki agrees that the OC women made the event all about themselves and blames Tamra and Shannon for fighting at the party.

Luann really keeps insisting that Vicki should be upset, and Vicki says her friends often squash her sparkle. All of the women kiss Vicki’s butt a bit and tell her that she began the Housewives universe. They ask her to whoop it up for them, and she cracks a few smiles.

They head to lunch and spend some time getting to know each other. They discuss the party coming up that night, hosted by Lisa Hochstein.

Gizelle asks if Adriana will be there because Adriana said that Gizelle is the rudest Housewife she has ever met.

Vicki starts doing shots and being fun, so apparently the whooping it up is back on.

Luann makes a weird and pretentious toast and gives a nod to Mama Elsa. This sets up another series of flashbacks.

Luann asks everyone to share Mama Elsa stories and accuses Kyle of rolling her eyes at the idea. Kyle says it was an exhale, but Luann seems pretty offended. She knows an eye roll when she sees one.

Marysol tells some stories about her mother and says that her mother had a stroke. Luann then blurts out that she wants to die having sex and launches into a weird story about finding someone dead on the toilet. She really can’t read the room.

Gizelle brings up Lisa being late for their flight to Miami and harps on Lisa not apologizing. Lisa says she gets it, but that she needed a moment.

Porsha starts to say something, but Luann is talking. She has had a few cocktails and is going into full Countess mode. Porsha does not like being interrupted.

Lisa admits that she was in the wrong, should have apologized, and was being defensive.

Gizelle says the SLC girls are her friends, and that they all think Lisa talks to blogs. Oh, I hope she finds mine!

Lisa says she has never spoken to blogs, and Gizelle warns her that if she is, she needs to stop before SLC starts filming again. Lisa asks why she would do that, and Gizelle says that if anything leaks about the current cast, Gizelle will assume it came from Lisa.

Kyle digs for more information about the rumor that Lisa talks to bloggers. Teresa doesn’t believe she would do it. Luann asks Lisa to swear on her children’s lives. Lisa swears on God, and Gizelle seems offended.

Teresa has Lisa’s back and says the SLC women are nasty. Gia thinks Lisa is the Teresa of her cast.

Vicki has been silently drinking tequila and finally tries to make a toast, but Luann questions her timing. Luann is being an absolute assclown, and it is becoming insufferable. Gizelle tells Luann to zip it, but Luann is busy trying to get Kyle to vape and poking herself in the eye. Vicki finally manages to warble out her toast.

After lunch, Lisa goes to the bathroom to cry, and Teresa follows her. Teresa says she understands because the Jersey cast also gangs up on her. Lisa agrees that the SLC cast is always lying about her.

Back at the bar, drunk Vicki is all loosened up. Luann can’t find her shoes and is completely wasted. The other women agree that Luann won’t shut up and is tone deaf. Porsha blames herself for bringing her a pregame drink.

Luann tells Teresa and Lisa that her life is, in fact, a cabaret. She is beyond drunk, and it may be worse than the time she fell in the bushes, which was my favorite. Oh, no. Now she is singing, and drunk Luann isn’t so funny anymore.