We skip the recap and the intros and go straight into previews of what looks like a HUGE dinner fight.
So naturally, we cut to eight hours earlier.
The women wake up, and Monica and Whitney are rooming together. Whitney is already gearing up to talk to Heather about her book, because she is still pissed that Heather wrote about her.
Apparently, the two of them had a drunken argument about it earlier in the trip, which has clearly solved absolutely nothing.
Monica then tells Whitney that Lisa called her dramatic.
Whitney is pissed. She decides she would rather hide and go back to sleep but she goes to Heather’s room to talk instead.
Heather sits down with Whitney to go over exactly what she wrote about her in the book.
Heather genuinely doesn’t understand why Whitney feels exploited, which leads to the two of them going back and forth for a while. But somehow, miraculously, they actually work it out and make up.
Great.
One fight down.
Only approximately seventeen more to go.
Then the women take a scooter ride through Bermuda, which immediately proves to be a terrible idea because none of these women appear to have been trained to operate a motor vehicle.
They wobble around the island in various directions, somehow avoiding death, and eventually break off into smaller groups to go shopping.
Heather then discovers that she forgot her credit card.
So she borrows money from Monica.
Monica.
The poorest woman on the trip.
But then Monica’s card won’t go through anyway.
It turns out the card is simply being blocked because she’s traveling internationally, so she gets it sorted out and is free to resume spending money.
The women go back to the house, and about an hour later, Heather gets a phone call. We only hear her side of a mysterious and dramatic conversation, and Heather is clearly freaking out.
She tells the cameras to get out of her face.
Four hours later, the women are all getting ready for dinner.
Heather tells us she has devastating information and she has to deal with it.
The theme of the dinner is the Bermuda Triangle, and Heather tells the women a little about the legends associated with it.
Heather encourages the women to ask each other about their “unsolved mysteries.”
Whitney asks Lisa why she called her dramatic when Lisa is so dramatic herself.
Lisa cops to it, but says they are both dramatic.
Meredith asks Heather why she hasn’t supported her on the trip or stuck up for her.
Monica says that Meredith has been spreading rumors about Angie K.’s marriage, and that she has proof.
Heather wants to know more and pushes Monica on the topic.
They move on to Heather, who says she has a few questions about Monica.
Heather asks Monica who she really is.
The two have bonded during the trip, but Heather says Monica is an unsolved mystery. She now thinks the real Monica doesn’t tell the truth and is someone who doesn’t actually want to be their friend, but wants to profit from their pain.
Heather says she knows who Monica really is, and Bravo bleeps out what she says.
We cut to a flashback from two hours earlier, when Heather gathers all of the women except Monica on the beach.
Heather tells everyone that Monica is not who she says she is and is not their friend.
She calls her a schemer and tells them that Monica is Reality Von Tease, a blogger who has been going after all of them on Instagram.
Each of the women has been trolled by the account.
We see flashbacks of Monica sharing dirt on each of her cast members.
Heather has also discovered that Monica is registered at Beauty Lab under three names, one of which owes them a lot of money.
It’s all suspicious.
The women are shocked and pissed off. Each of them has an ax to grind with Reality Von Tease, so they plan to confront Monica at dinner.
We cut back to the dinner, and Heather calls Monica a cyber bully and an internet troll.
Monica denies it and demands to see the proof.
Heather screams that she has it.
Then Monica says it isn’t true “entirely.”
Everyone wants to know what that means.
Lisa calls Monica disgusting. Heather yells at her some more.
Then Meredith starts screaming that Monica stole from her store while in disguise.
This shit is bananas.
Monica calls Lisa a dumb bitch, while the staff watch the whole thing go down from inside the house.
Monica insists that it wasn’t just her behind the account.
Then Angie and Monica start screaming at each other.
Monica accuses Angie of being involved with Reality Von Tease and says all of the women have DMed the page.
Angie picks up a centerpiece and threatens to throw it at Monica, but she doesn’t, which is lame.
Monica denies that she has posted anything about the women before eventually admitting that she posted videos of Jen while she worked for her.
The women think it’s disgusting and call her a loser.
Monica calls Lisa a leather-faced old bitch.
Whitney calls Monica a liar.
Monica insists she only went after Jen Shah on the site.
Meredith shrieks at Monica, and Lisa demands that she leave the house.
Heather stands up and tells Monica that the other women are all friends and have been through bullshit together before.
She gives a whole speech about how the women went through the Jen Shah scandal and then HOLY SHIT, she admits that Jen gave her the black eye.
Finally.
Heather tells Monica to pack her bags and go.
And I have a feeling we won’t be seeing her next season, but it should be a hell of a reunion.
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