Vicki Gunvalson has been yelling, crying, whooping it up, and turning minor inconveniences into major crises since the very beginning of The Real Housewives of Orange County. She is the OG of the OC for a reason. Over the years, Vicki has given us family vans, love tanks, surprise visits, questionable boyfriends, and enough screaming to power a small Southern California city.
Here are five of her most outrageous moments.
1. The Family Van
We have to start here.
During one of the earliest RHOC trips, Vicki discovers that the transportation she arranged for her family is a van. Not a luxury SUV. Not whatever glamorous vehicle she apparently had in mind. A family van.
Vicki is not pleased.
“Family van” becomes less of a description and more of a battle cry as she completely loses her mind over the transportation situation.
This is early Housewives at its finest. There is no elaborate scheme. No complicated feud. No social-media receipts.
There is simply Vicki Gunvalson, a van, and the absolute conviction that this is unacceptable.
And somehow, it became one of the most enduring moments in Housewives history.
2. Whooping It Up on the Boat
Before the franchise became obsessed with lawsuits, cheating allegations, Ozempic, and reunion receipts, there was Vicki getting absolutely hammered on a boat.
Early RHOC gave us the birth of “Whoop It Up Vicki,” as Vicki enthusiastically embraced drinking, partying, and generally behaving like someone had just informed her that sobriety was being discontinued.
It was one of the first times viewers really got a glimpse of the Vicki who would eventually become a Housewives institution.
Vicki doesn’t simply have fun.
Vicki WHOOPS IT UP.
And once she gave the phrase a name, there was really no going back.
3. “I’m Being Nailed to the Cross Like Jesus”
Season 10 Vicki is where things take a much darker turn.
The women are questioning Brooks Ayers’ claims about his cancer, and Vicki is furious that anyone would question either Brooks or her relationship with him.
At one point, while defending herself, Vicki declares that she is “being nailed to the cross like Jesus.”
It is an absolutely enormous statement to make about a Housewives argument.
But this is Vicki.
The situation eventually became one of the most infamous scandals in RHOC history. Brooks later admitted to fabricating medical documents, and Vicki ultimately said she believed she had been deceived about his illness.
The “Jesus” line, however, remains peak Vicki: emotional, dramatic, completely lacking in moderation, and delivered as though the fate of humanity depended on whether Meghan King Edmonds believed Brooks.
4. The Surprise Visit to Michael’s College House
Vicki has never been particularly interested in the concept of personal boundaries.
When her son Michael was away at college, Vicki showed up at his house unexpectedly. Michael was not exactly thrilled by the surprise visit and essentially told his mother that she should have called first.
Vicki’s response was, in essence, to continue being Vicki.
Then she ended up doing a keg stand with his college friends.
Because apparently the appropriate response to your son asking you to respect his privacy is to join the fraternity.
It was one of those early RHOC moments that was simultaneously hilarious, embarrassing, and completely believable. Vicki loved her kids enormously, but she also had a spectacular inability to understand that they might occasionally want her several hundred feet away from them.
5. “Love Tank”
Before Vicki had Brooks. Before Brooks had cancer. Before the screaming matches and the reunion warfare, there was the love tank.
During a trip with Tamra and Simon, Vicki and Donn’s marriage became a major topic of conversation. Vicki explained their relationship in terms of a “love tank” that needed to be filled.
It was supposed to be a serious discussion about marriage.
Instead, Vicki accidentally created one of the strangest pieces of Housewives vocabulary ever.
The love tank became a permanent part of Vicki’s mythology, because apparently even marital dissatisfaction needs to be explained using the language of automotive maintenance.
And honestly, that might be the most Vicki thing of all.
Vicki didn’t just participate in the creation of Housewives.
She created an entire dialect.
Family van.
Whoop it up.
Love tank.
Being nailed to the cross.
And somehow, after all these years, we still understand exactly what she means.
Dorinda Medley has given us some truly spectacular Housewives meltdowns. From screaming about making it nice to heckling Luann’s cabaret, she has rarely been boring. Here are five of her most outrageous RHONY moments.
“I MADE IT NICE!” — Season 8
This is the obvious choice for number one. At Blue Stone Manor, Bethenny and Luann are fighting, Luann mocks Dorinda’s mother’s birthday cake, and Dorinda finally loses it. She launches into a full-scale tirade about everything she did to make the evening special, culminating in the immortal “I made it nice!” It is one of the defining RHONY moments of all time.
“CLIP! CLIP! CLIP!” — Season 9
During a lunch in the Bronx, Dorinda is hungover, drinking, and increasingly irritated with Sonja. When Sonja keeps talking, Dorinda starts yelling “Clip!” while making the accompanying hand gesture. The situation escalates until Dorinda is calling Sonja a fool and an asshole. It is completely ridiculous and completely Dorinda.
The Mexico Dinner — Season 10
During the Mexico trip, Dorinda gets extremely drunk during dinner and ends up stabbing her own hand with a knife while arguing. There is something uniquely unhinged about watching someone get so angry that they accidentally turn the argument into a fight with their own hand.
“Not Well, Bitch!” — Season 9
Dorinda delivers one of her greatest lines during a confrontation with Sonja: “I’ll tell ya how I’m doing: Not well, bitch!” It became one of Dorinda’s signature phrases and perfectly captures her particular combination of anger, alcohol, and verbal precision.
“JOVANI!” — Season 10
Dorinda attends Luann’s cabaret and repeatedly heckles her by shouting “Jovani!” Dorinda was angry because she felt Luann wasn’t sufficiently appreciative of the role she had played in connecting Luann with Jovani, which provided her dresses. The heckling became so memorable that Luann eventually turned “Feelin’ Jovani” into a cabaret song.
Dorinda may have made it nice, but she almost never made it peaceful.
We open in Turks & Caicos with Carole and Heather discussing how exhausting Sonja has been on this trip. Bethenny and Ramona have a similar conversation, with Bethenny explaining how her attempt to talk to Sonja ended with her screaming, “Shut the fuck up!” in Sonja’s face.
Sonja, meanwhile, refuses to listen to anyone and is drinking her face off, which has the women increasingly worried. Bethenny makes it clear that she is not a doctor and has no idea whether Sonja is actually an alcoholic. But both she and Ramona agree on one thing: they love Sonja, but the train has gone completely off the rails.
Somehow, the conversation turns to Mario, and Ramona starts crying over her estranged husband. She feels like Mario is part of her and that she can’t fix him or their marriage. It’s genuinely sad, and I don’t even like Ramona.
The next morning, a yoga instructor visits the house. A topless Luann admits that he is very cute. Sonja goes to Dorinda’s room to complain about the other women and the way they are treating her. They are in a room directly over the yoga session, so everyone can hear Sonja yelling about them.
Dorinda says Sonja allows the women to treat her that way and offer their unsolicited opinions. She cautions Sonja against drinking too much around the ladies. Bethenny and the women abandon their yoga and go up to Dorinda’s room to see what is going on. Sonja comes out swinging and says, “You all aren’t going to talk about me tonight!” Bethenny wonders what fun that would be.
Ramona, with her little pink bikini and excellent sense of timing, pulls Sonja aside and says that Bethenny called Sonja an alcoholic.
Ramona immediately denies that she had anything to say about the matter, despite the footage we just watched showing otherwise. Bethenny comes over to butt in and points out that Ramona also thinks Sonja has a drinking problem.
Sonja argues that all of the women drink late into the evening and make bad decisions, but Bethenny insists that Sonja takes it too far. Whatever. They are all a bunch of drunks, and that’s why we watch them.
Bethenny says Ramona said Sonja needs someone to get her home every night. Sonja still insists that all of the women behave this way and tells the women to stay out of her shit. Luann pops up and offers Sonja eggs à la française, which is completely random and just so very Countess-like. Sonja is not in the mood, but chows down anyhow.
Next, Luann piles on Sonja about her drinking. Oy vey. I need a drink.
Heather comes over, too, and now Sonja is screaming that they all talk behind her back and that she is tired of it. Heather tells Sonja to get in the pool and cool off because all of the women care about her.
Instead, Sonja strips down to her little white bikini—tags on for return, of course—and tells everyone to get away from her because she is tired of being the nice one, so they better watch out.
Sonja vows that she will not go out with the women today and is going to start spilling all of their secrets. Dorinda tries to calm her down a bit, but Sonja is coming in hot and staying that way. Sonja tells them they are all out of line and can fuck off.
Ramona, the two-faced asshole in a bikini, tells Sonja that Bethenny was wrong to throw around the word “alcoholic.” Bethenny swears that she is done talking about Sonja. That chick can freebase in front of Bethenny at this point, and Bethenny is not saying a word about it.
They start a cash jar for every time they break the rule and discuss Sonja. It has $500 in it within five minutes.
Ramona tries to stick up for Sonja, and Bethenny reminds her that she started this whole thing by telling Sonja that Bethenny said she was an alcoholic. True story.
Most of the women head out on a yacht, but Sonja stays behind at the house to cool off. Bethenny feels bad because we all know Sonja loves a yacht. Of course, they spend most of the boat ride discussing Sonja. What happened to their vow and the cash jar? It must be overflowing by now.
Ramona spends the day kissing everyone’s ass because she knows people have had it with her. They have a gorgeous-looking lunch and spend some time in the water. It turns out Sonja was right: these women are pretty boring when they aren’t talking about her.
Kristen, whom I completely forgot about, bonds with Bethenny a bit. It doesn’t matter much. Kristen will be gone next season.
The women dump ice -cold water on Ramona, and I enjoy it. Ramona, who knows she is in the shit with everyone, is a good sport about it for a change.
Back at the house, Sonja is still chilly toward everyone. But she rallies, and they all get ready for dinner. Sonja says she is going to have a good time, but she is not going to apologize to any of the women. She has friends all over the world—royalty, you know—who don’t judge her.
When they arrive at the restaurant, Dorinda wants Heather to wait so they can all walk in together. Out of nowhere, we get what I believe is the first sighting of Scary Dorinda. She flips a switch and starts yelling and crying that Heather is a bitch for walking ahead of her.
Of all the Housewives arguments I have seen and studied, this is one of the more ridiculous ones. Heather tells Dorinda she is acting like a child, and it’s true. Ramona tells the table that all of the arguing is giving her agita. Heather apologizes (for what?) and they move on.
Geezus. I can’t with these broads.
The next day, Bethenny is making lunch for everyone but Ramona wants to go out. She and Sonja have ants in their pants and want to hit the town. Bethenny becomes overwhelmed by all of their manic energy. She tells them both they are like children and to please just GO if that’s what they want to do. Then, they say they are staying to appease Bethenny, not realizing they have given her her own case of agita.
Bethenny points out that Ramona came from nothing and yet acts like she is queen of the world, and I think this is a valid point.
The episode leaves off mid-argument, and I am thinking about doing the next one. I forgot this was such a good trip until someone slid into my DMs about it. What are your thoughts?
The Jersey girls are at the Jersey Shore, and some major shit has gone down. Teresa is staying at Jen’s rental and is supposed to host a barbecue that evening. The only problem is that Teresa has stormed out and left Jen completely in the lurch.
Teresa is pissed that everyone is talking about Luis and his increasingly bizarre beach video. Jen tries calling her, but Teresa isn’t answering, because apparently the best way to resolve a group-wide scandal is to simply disappear.
Jen’s new nose is also making its debut, and I’m going to need some time to process that.
Over at Melissa’s, she’s getting ready to head to the barbecue while Marge and Jackie are staying with her. Jen calls Bill, who is on his way over, and tells him Teresa has abandoned her. Neither of them knows what to do.
So now Jen is stuck hosting a party for a bunch of people she doesn’t particularly like, which is exactly the sort of situation you want when you’re already having a terrible day.
Dolores admits that Jen does say some stupid things, but she thinks Jackie is the real problem for questioning her loyalty to Jen.
Bill shows up with three bags of liquor, so this should be a fun night.
Everyone arrives, and Teresa is still MIA. Marge says things are awkward with Bill since she revealed his affair, and I would certainly imagine this is true. Nothing makes a party more comfortable than having the woman who exposed your husband’s affair sitting across the table from you.
Speaking of awkward, Jen explains to everyone that Teresa has taken off. They all agree it has to do with Luis and the stories about his increasingly infamous beach video.
Everyone grabs a drink and heads outside. I have a feeling they won’t make it to dinner. It is Jersey, after all.
Melissa says she feels like Jen goes after her a lot. Jen insists she’s just teasing, but Melissa isn’t buying it.
Oh, good! They’re eating. Frank Catania will be so happy.
Meanwhile, Teresa and Luis get into a Sprinter van and head to the barbecue. Luis looks like he’s shitting bricks about seeing all of the women, which is probably not an unreasonable reaction considering this group has been discussing his strange beach behavior all day.
Teresa blames Marge for ever mentioning Luis’s video and, more importantly, for mentioning all of its weirdness. Because if there’s one thing Teresa is going to do, it’s find the person responsible for a problem and make sure it is absolutely not Luis.
They arrive at the barbecue, and both Teresa and Luis seem completely on edge. The guys ask Luis where he’s been and try to make conversation with him. It is followed by a long, painful silence.
Marge asks Teresa why she left in a fit, which Teresa denies, despite the fact that we literally just watched her storm out.
Teresa then asks what the women have to say to her, because she doesn’t want them talking behind her back anymore.
And now we’re off.
Marge says nothing is going on behind Teresa’s back, but admits that everyone is concerned about the video. Teresa says she doesn’t care about Luis’s past, which would be a much more convincing statement if she weren’t currently screaming at everyone for discussing it.
Luis tries to explain the video, but Teresa won’t let him get a word in. Which is unfortunate, because he is the person everyone is actually asking about.
Marge asks why Teresa is being so defensive, and Teresa immediately goes after her for being nasty and talking behind her back.
Luis briefly breaks in to ask Teresa to calm down, but that’s a lost cause. At this point, telling Teresa to calm down is about as effective as telling the Jersey Shore to have a quiet dinner.
Luis randomly tells Marge that she couldn’t intimidate him on her best day. He then announces that he’s going to leave if Teresa won’t let him speak.
He keeps insisting that nothing intimidates him, which is a strange thing to repeat this many times unless something is, in fact, intimidating you.
Marge asks him directly about the video, and Luis launches into a lengthy explanation that mostly consists of him talking in circles. There are a lot of words, very little clarity, and absolutely nothing that makes the whole thing sound less bizarre.
He blah blah blahs his way through the explanation for a while, and by the end of it, I still have no idea what the hell was going on in that video.
It all sounds like bullshit.
Teresa is still furious, and Joe Gorga asks her why. Teresa says she’s tired of all the gossip, so Joe points out that her friend Jen is constantly gossiping about him and Melissa. Jen has called him a crook, and the Gorgas are understandably pissed.
Teresa starts screaming at Marge, and then Marge and Jen launch into their own argument about infidelity. At this point, nobody is even pretending this is about Luis anymore.
Dolores is completely over it. Bill wisely walks away from the entire situation, which may be the smartest decision anyone has made all night.
The women start arguing about who spreads worse rumors, everyone is screaming over everyone else, and we have officially arrived at peak Jersey.
And then Tiki Barber arrives.
Remember when Jersey tried to make Tiki happen?
He didn’t.
Melissa goes after Jen for being a hater, and Jen insists she doesn’t actually know anything about the Gorgas. She’s just repeating what she’s heard, which is certainly one way to defend yourself while simultaneously admitting you are spreading gossip.
Jen says it’s all retaliation for the shit Joe and Melissa have said about her. Then she turns to Joe and calls him a “little bitch girl,” and I laugh.
Honestly, “crook” is probably preferable.
Melissa is stunned. Jen, meanwhile, is completely unfazed by her own choice of words.
Melissa gets out of her seat with her hands flying, and Jen gets up too. Within seconds, they’re wrestling with each other, each trying to get the other woman’s hands out of her face.
And there it is: the Jersey Shore barbecue has officially become a physical altercation. Welcome to Jersey, bitches. Buckle up.
Dolores separates them as Melissa and Jen continue calling each other losers. Bill is still nowhere in sight.
Jackie calls Jen an asshole, and Jen immediately accuses her of being disloyal. At this point, Jen has apparently decided that everyone at her own party is the enemy.
Jen finally kicks them all out of the house.
Dolores says Jen’s mouth gets her into trouble, but she also agrees that the other women tend to gang up on her. Which is fair, considering Jen’s mouth seems to be working overtime tonight.
On the way back to her house, Melissa tells everyone that Bill can’t stand Jen. This is perhaps the least surprising revelation of the evening.
Melissa also can’t believe that Teresa didn’t stand up for Joe Gorga during the fight. She pulls out her phone and texts Teresa, asking why Teresa didn’t leave with them.
Teresa tells Melissa that Jen will make everything better tomorrow at Melissa’s party.
Melissa is not having it. She says there is absolutely no way Jen is still invited.
The next day, Melissa is still annoyed, but she’s looking forward to her party. Dolores and Frank rehash the fight, and Dolores thinks Melissa started it by charging Jen.
And I agree. I’d probably react, too.
Over at Jen’s, she calls Bill out for abandoning her during the fight. Bill looks like he would rather be anywhere else on Earth and is one step away from running for the pool house.
At Melissa’s, everyone sits down for breakfast and generally agrees that Jen is to blame for the fight that Melissa started.
Over at Jen’s, the sentiment is quite the opposite. There, Jen gets plenty of support for her side of the story.
Jen thanks Teresa for having her back, but then asks if Teresa thinks Melissa should have charged her.
Teresa says no.
At Melissa’s pink party, Melissa asks Dolores what happened at Jen’s after everyone left. Dolores calls Melissa out for charging Jen, but admits she probably would have hit her, too.
The other women think Jen is disgusting, while Dolores continues to have Jen’s back. Dolores and Jackie get into it a bit, and it is becoming increasingly obvious that Dolores cannot stand Jackie. She again points out that the women are constantly ganging up on Jen.
Marge, meanwhile, thinks Jen is an asshole. So basically, we’re right back where we started.
Teresa arrives and greets her little bitch of a brother.
Joe Gorga is still shocked that Teresa and Luis stayed with Jen after everything that happened. He also doesn’t believe Jen feels bad about the night before.
Teresa insists that Jen isn’t evil or malicious.
Teresa brings up how Marge is always digging up dirt on people, but Joe still thinks Teresa is wrong for not having his back. He also seems to have forgotten all the times he’s called Teresa “scum” and “garbage” over the years.
Everyone piles onto Teresa about her loyalty, and she starts crying. Joe is her only family, and she doesn’t want any more trouble with him.
Eventually, Teresa storms off, leaving us to wonder if anyone is actually going to go after her.
Because if there’s one thing this group loves almost as much as a fight, it’s chasing someone down after they dramatically leave the room.
So many fractured fossils in this little ecosystem.
Jurassic Snark: A Place to Excavate The Real Housewives 