In the OC, Vicki is crying.
She is not what one would call a pretty crier.
Neither am I, so I feel qualified to say this.
She tells us that she has filed for divorce from Don and is now wondering if she did the right thing. Don won’t speak to her, which leaves Vicki with absolutely no idea what he’s thinking.
I suspect Vicki was hoping that Don would fight for her. Instead, he is giving her the silent treatment, and now she is left sitting there wondering whether she just blew up her entire marriage for nothing.
Which is all very sad.
But unfortunately for Vicki, there is no time for a full emotional breakdown because she is hosting an end-of-summer party for all of the women at her house.
So the divorce crisis will have to wait.
First, she needs to get control of her puffiness.
Over at Tamra’s, she and Eddie are getting ready for the party, and they decide to pregame with some wine.
Knowing Tamra, this is not a great idea.
Tamra is a terrible drunk.
She tells us that Jeana has continued talking to the press about her divorce, and she is nervous about seeing her at the party. Which means she is already annoyed with Jeana before she has even arrived.
Excellent.
Meanwhile, Gretchen and Slade are eating breakfast in bed. Gretchen tells him that she feels like maybe Vicki has changed.
Slade does not care.
Slade isn’t going to the party, and he thinks Vicki treated Don terribly. He wants absolutely nothing to do with her and has no sympathy for her situation.
At Alexis’, she is debating which of her slutty dresses to wear to the party.
And naturally, she picks the ugliest one.
It’s this shiny orange monstrosity that looks absolutely terrible on her. Jesus Jugs has a rocking, completely man-made body, so I have no idea why she would choose a dress that does absolutely nothing for her.
Jim is also not going to the party because nobody likes him, and Vicki thinks he is a smelly dork.
Alexis, meanwhile, goes off about Liberal America and explains that women shouldn’t be president because Eve was made from Adam’s rib.
She is really smart, and it shows.
I am not sure what religion or history classes Alexis has actually taken, but Geezus, does this woman have some opinions.
Vicki’s guests start arriving, but she is running late because she can’t stop crying.
This is going to be a very cheerful end-of-summer party.
On the way there, Tamra shows Eddie the Cease & Desist she has to serve Jeana.
I love a good Cease & Desist.
I wish a Housewife would send me one. That would mean this blog has really made it.
Tamra says Jeana needs a smack in the face, so there you go.
At the party, Tamra goes to comfort Vicki, who is still pouting and crying about Don. Vicki asks Tamra to make sure nobody asks her about Don because she really does not want to spend her own party discussing her divorce.
Then Tamra asks Vicki how she should deal with Jeana.
Vicki just wants a peaceful event.
Tamra says she is going to “hit” Jeana with a Cease & Desist.
Hmm.
That’s specific.
And it feels like some very obvious foreshadowing.
Jeana arrives looking like she is completely unaware that anyone is mad at her, although she has to realize Tamra is pissed. This has been brewing for weeks.
Alexis arrives with a weird entourage of plastic-looking women. They look like Barbie and the Rockers.
Quinn Frye is there in a weird wig, and I don’t get it, but nobody addresses it, so whatever.
Slade and Gretchen arrive, and I thought Slade wasn’t going to the party.
Whatever.
Tamra tells Peggy that Vicki doesn’t want anyone asking about Don, and Peggy takes this as her personal mission.
She starts going around interrupting conversations to tell people not to mention Don, which is really just a great way to make sure everyone is thinking about Don.
It’s also kind of a buzzkill.
Jeana is catty about Vicki’s divorce, because Jeana is a Bitter Betty.
The women all comfort Vicki and eventually talk her into coming down to her own party.
Meanwhile, Tamra is watching Jeana and waiting to explode on her.
Peggy and Alexis get into an argument over who has bigger lips, which is just silly. This is what we are doing now.
Peggy was a complete waste of time on this show.
The OC does not have much luck with Peggys. They’re 0 for 2 in the Peggy Department.
Peggy pulls Jeana aside and asks her why she has been talking about Tamra.
Jeana gives some wishy-washy answer, and Peggy tells her to apologize to Tamra.
So Peggy calls Tamra over, and Tamra’s eyes are on fire.
Jeana says the press twisted her words.
Tamra responds with a sarcastic, “Of course.”
Tamra tells Jeana that she is disgusted by the human being she is.
Jeana remains completely unapologetic. She says she doesn’t believe Simon was abusive, which is really the last thing Tamra wants to hear.
Tamra screams that it is none of Jeana’s fucking business and tells her to stay out of her life.
Then she takes her letter of “Cyst & Deceased” and throws it right in Jeana’s face.
Jeana threatens to throw Tamra’s skinny ass in the pool, and Tamra’s mother tells her to back off.
Tamra yells, “You bitch!” and throws her wine directly into Jeana’s eyeball.
It is a perfect shot.
Jeana tries to hurl her drink at Tamra, but misses and hits some other blond bimbo, who immediately pushes Jeana.
Then Jeana’s male friend dumps wine all over that bimbo, and suddenly a full-out drink-tossing war erupts.
There are drinks flying everywhere.
And Vicki was worried about people mentioning Don!
Jeana and her friend go to leave, and Tamra is waiting for them at the gates, screaming, “You are an evil bitch! Get out of here! Nobody likes you and nobody wants you!”
Jeana fires back that this is why Simon is divorcing Tamra, and her friend smashes his glass on the driveway for emphasis.
Eddie tries to calm down a seething Tamra.
I wonder if he realizes he is going to spend the rest of his life doing this.
Tamra insists that Jeana was violent first, but this is bullshit because Tamra threw the letter in her face first.
Jeana calls Simon to tattle on Tamra.
Tamra then expands her story and says Jeana pushed her.
I think Tamra forgets this whole thing was filmed.
Gretchen tries to make the whole thing about her, and Tamra humors her for the moment.
Vicki, meanwhile, must be absolutely thrilled that the attention has shifted away from her divorce.
For the first time all day, nobody is asking about Don.
