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  • RHUGT: The Roaring Twenties, Season 5, Episode 6

    This week, the women continue their Housewives journey in Miami, and everyone is getting ready for the beach.

    Vicki complains that her boobs are too big, while Lisa is busy kissing Teresa’s ass. Teresa, naturally, loves every second of it. Lisa thanks Teresa for standing by her after Lisa almost made everyone late for their flight.

    Apparently, the other women have a fifteen-minute grace period rule when it comes to getting somewhere on time, and that’s it. We get a montage of all the Housewives who have been late for flights and other events across the various franchises.

    Luann and Gizelle think Lisa should have apologized, but Lisa tells Teresa that she isn’t going to give a fake apology. She once again thanks Teresa for having her back against the SLC girls.

    Vicki continues to complain, and most of her complaints seem to involve her bowels. I could live without it. So could Kyle.

    For some reason, we get a bunch of flashbacks of the RHONY women shitting themselves at fabulous places all over the world. Because apparently, this is what we needed to revisit.

    Luann, Gizelle, and Porsha discuss Vicki’s alter ego outfit and agree that she looked like a depressed Mary Poppins.

    They also feel like the OC women didn’t support Vicki’s event, and maybe that is why she is being such a downer.

    At the beach, Marysol is hosting a party, and there are weird mannequins everywhere. It looks like Michael Jackson’s house.

    Gizelle says how impressive it is that RHOM came back after being off the air for eight years. Luann interrupts to check out the drinks—and the men.

    Luann has game, so we get a montage of her working it through the years. Kyle is both shocked and impressed by Luann’s prowess.

    They play a silly game of Wig Snatcher. It all feels like filler, and I would like to see some real interaction or drama between these women. I think there is a lunch coming up, and Lord knows these women can’t have a peaceful meal, so hopefully something will happen there.

    The women fill the Miami girls in on their trip so far, and Porsha says she is disappointed that Vicki left the Atlanta event early. Vicki says that, for her, it was time to go.

    Vicki insists that her leg was hurting and that she felt alone and out of place. Porsha questions this, and Vicki can’t really explain her feelings.

    Porsha asks Vicki if she was feeling jealous of the Atlanta girls celebrating Nene when the OC women were so lackluster. Vicki says she is not that girl and doesn’t like attention. She’s just been on television for 20 years.

    Luann tells Vicki that her friends should have celebrated her more and that the OC cast took Vicki down. Somehow, she turns this into a TED Talk about her music.

    Luann tries to use a megaphone, but there are too many buttons and she can’t figure out how to work it. Vicki agrees that the OC women made the event all about themselves and blames Tamra and Shannon for fighting at the party.

    Luann really keeps insisting that Vicki should be upset, and Vicki says her friends often squash her sparkle. All of the women kiss Vicki’s butt a bit and tell her that she began the Housewives universe. They ask her to whoop it up for them, and she cracks a few smiles.

    They head to lunch and spend some time getting to know each other. They discuss the party coming up that night, hosted by Lisa Hochstein.

    Gizelle asks if Adriana will be there because Adriana said that Gizelle is the rudest Housewife she has ever met.

    Vicki starts doing shots and being fun, so apparently the whooping it up is back on.

    Luann makes a weird and pretentious toast and gives a nod to Mama Elsa. This sets up another series of flashbacks.

    Luann asks everyone to share Mama Elsa stories and accuses Kyle of rolling her eyes at the idea. Kyle says it was an exhale, but Luann seems pretty offended. She knows an eye roll when she sees one.

    Marysol tells some stories about her mother and says that her mother had a stroke. Luann then blurts out that she wants to die having sex and launches into a weird story about finding someone dead on the toilet. She really can’t read the room.

    Gizelle brings up Lisa being late for their flight to Miami and harps on Lisa not apologizing. Lisa says she gets it, but that she needed a moment.

    Porsha starts to say something, but Luann is talking. She has had a few cocktails and is going into full Countess mode. Porsha does not like being interrupted.

    Lisa admits that she was in the wrong, should have apologized, and was being defensive.

    Gizelle says the SLC girls are her friends, and that they all think Lisa talks to blogs. Oh, I hope she finds mine!

    Lisa says she has never spoken to blogs, and Gizelle warns her that if she is, she needs to stop before SLC starts filming again. Lisa asks why she would do that, and Gizelle says that if anything leaks about the current cast, Gizelle will assume it came from Lisa.

    Kyle digs for more information about the rumor that Lisa talks to bloggers. Teresa doesn’t believe she would do it. Luann asks Lisa to swear on her children’s lives. Lisa swears on God, and Gizelle seems offended.

    Teresa has Lisa’s back and says the SLC women are nasty. Gia thinks Lisa is the Teresa of her cast.

    Vicki has been silently drinking tequila and finally tries to make a toast, but Luann questions her timing. Luann is being an absolute assclown, and it is becoming insufferable. Gizelle tells Luann to zip it, but Luann is busy trying to get Kyle to vape and poking herself in the eye. Vicki finally manages to warble out her toast.

    After lunch, Lisa goes to the bathroom to cry, and Teresa follows her. Teresa says she understands because the Jersey cast also gangs up on her. Lisa agrees that the SLC cast is always lying about her.

    Back at the bar, drunk Vicki is all loosened up. Luann can’t find her shoes and is completely wasted. The other women agree that Luann won’t shut up and is tone deaf. Porsha blames herself for bringing her a pregame drink.

    Luann tells Teresa and Lisa that her life is, in fact, a cabaret. She is beyond drunk, and it may be worse than the time she fell in the bushes, which was my favorite. Oh, no. Now she is singing, and drunk Luann isn’t so funny anymore.

  • Mary Cosby’s Most Iconic Moments on RHOSLC

    Mary Cosby is unlike anyone else in the Housewives universe. She can walk into a scene, say something completely insane with an absolutely straight face, and leave everyone else wondering what the hell just happened.

    From bizarre food rules to legendary insults, Mary has given The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City some of its strangest and funniest moments. Here are some of her most iconic.

    1. “Little Girl”

    Mary calling Whitney Rose “little girl” became one of her signature moves. She said it with such complete certainty that it somehow became both an insult and a term of endearment.

    Whitney eventually asked Mary why she kept calling her that.

    Mary’s answer, essentially: because you are one.

    Even Bravo’s other Housewives singled out “little girl” as one of Mary’s defining quotes, and Mary herself named it as her favorite.

    2. The Met Gala Luncheon

    Mary’s Season 1 luncheon was an event unto itself.

    She threw an extravagantly bizarre Met Gala-themed party at Valter’s, complete with Mary being Mary, while the other women struggled to understand exactly what was happening.

    The luncheon became one of the earliest examples of the particular brand of surreal television Mary would bring to RHOSLC.

    3. “You Smell Like Hospital”

    You knew this one was coming.

    Mary and Jen Shah’s feud was already brewing when RHOSLC premiered, and the source of the conflict was one of the most bizarre insults in Housewives history: Mary said Jen smelled like a hospital.

    There was, however, some painful context behind the argument. Jen had been spending time at the hospital with her aunt, who was undergoing serious medical treatment. Mary, meanwhile, explained that hospitals brought back traumatic memories of her own extensive medical experiences.

    None of that stopped the argument from becoming completely ridiculous.

    The women couldn’t even agree on exactly whom Mary had made the comment to. Mary maintained that she said, “It smells like hospital in here,” while Jen believed Mary had directly insulted her.

    Either way, the hospital smell fight became one of the first truly iconic RHOSLC moments. The show had barely begun and these women were already fighting about whether someone smelled like a medical facility.

    4. “You Don’t Even Have a Husband”

    During one of Mary’s many verbal skirmishes, she hit Heather Gay with:

    “You don’t even have a husband.”

    Heather later named the line as one of her favorite Mary moments, laughing because Mary wasn’t exactly wrong.

    Mary’s ability to deliver an absolutely devastating sentence as though she were commenting on the weather is part of what makes her so entertaining.

    5. “You Smell Like It Too!”

    The hospital smell drama did not end with Jen.

    When Jen’s friend got involved to defend her, Mary had a simple response:

    She smelled like hospital too.

    Of course she did.

    Mary was apparently not going to allow anyone to enter the argument without first being evaluated by her extremely sensitive sense of smell.

    This is what made the original hospital fight so perfect. A normal person might eventually back down and say, “Fine, maybe I was mistaken.”

    Mary essentially doubled down and expanded the list of people who smelled like hospital.

    6. “You Called Me a Pornography”

    Mary’s argument with Whitney in the Season 4 sprinter van produced one of the greatest verbal detours in RHOSLC history.

    Mary accused Whitney of calling her “a pornography.”

    Whitney tried to explain that she had never said Mary did porn.

    Mary then clarified that she meant something else entirely.

    Heather, who was already feeling sick, eventually supplied the missing word: “Predator.”

    Mary finally understood what Whitney had actually said.

    It was an extraordinary few minutes of Housewives communication.

    7. “Your Family Needs Nutrients”

    Mary has never been particularly interested in delivering a normal insult.

    “Your family needs nutrients” is a perfect example.

    It makes very little sense as a conventional Housewives read, which is precisely why it works.

    Mary doesn’t just insult you. She occasionally assesses your entire family’s nutritional situation.

    8. The Bobblehead Insult

    Mary also gave us “Bobblehead.”

    It’s short. It’s weird. It is completely Mary.

    She doesn’t need a five-minute monologue when one bizarre noun will do the job.

    Sometimes Mary just looks at someone and apparently decides that the most devastating thing she can call them is a toy with an oversized head.

    9. Mary and the Food in the Purse

    Mary’s extremely serious attitude toward food has produced some spectacularly strange conversations.

    One of the funniest recurring Mary characteristics is her willingness to treat ordinary food-related behavior as though she is explaining the rules of an ancient civilization.

    The discussion about putting food in a purse became a fan favorite because Mary was completely sincere about her position.

    It is Mary at her best: no screaming required, just an extremely firm opinion about something nobody else thought was a problem.

    10. Mary Watching Everyone Else’s Nonsense

    Sometimes Mary’s most iconic contribution isn’t even a speech.

    It’s her face.

    Mary can sit silently in the background looking horrified, confused, disgusted or completely fascinated while everyone else loses their minds.

    And somehow, she can steal the scene without saying a word.

    That’s the Mary Cosby magic.

    She can simply walk into a room, open her mouth, and let nature take its course.

  • 🦖 WE HIT 1,000 READERS! 🦖

    Jurassic Snark has officially passed 1,000 views in just over a month, and I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has stopped by, read a recap, liked a post, shared something, or followed along since the beginning.

    When I started this little dinosaur-infested Housewives excavation, I had no idea if anyone would actually show up. But you did — and now there’s a whole archive of recaps, lists, forgotten moments, ridiculous Housewife behavior, and plenty of dinosaurs waiting to be discovered.

    If you’re new here, take a look around! Dig through the categories, check out some of the older posts, and see what you can uncover. There’s a lot more on Jurassic Snark than the newest post sitting on the homepage.

    And if there’s a Housewives episode you want me to recap, let me know! I’m always looking for suggestions for what to excavate next.

    Thanks for being here and helping this crazy little site grow. Here’s to the next 1,000! 🦖💥

  • RHOC, Season 20, Episode 10–Forbidden Fruit

    Thus far, I haven’t been all that thrilled with this season of RHOC, but tonight looks like some stuff might finally go down. Let’s dive in.

    We start at Tamra’s, where she has three closets and no clothes. She, Carmella, Heather, and Gina are headed to Los Olivos for a girls’ trip, while the other women are headed to Vicki’s house in La Quinta. Tamra is hoping the trip will give the girls a chance to get to know Carmella, while also giving Shannon some space.

    Emily is worried about leaving her son, Luke, because he hates when she goes away. It’s caused some tension with Shane, but they are working through Luke’s issues.

    Vicki and Shannon head to Jen’s to meet up with her and Emily before heading to La Quinta. Vicki rolls up in a huge pickup truck, which was unexpected.

    Carmella is late for Tamra’s trip to Los Olivos, and it gives Tamra anxiety. Meanwhile, the other ladies head to La Quinta and plan to look for men for Shannon. Shannon has apparently been making out all over Newport Beach, so she is ready for some variety.

    Before they pick Heather up, Tamra asks Carmella about her conversation with Heather. Heather tried to get ahead of the women telling Carmella that she called her “trashy” by telling her herself. Carmella is surprisingly okay with it, but thinks Heather might be a little two-faced.

    Gina is still upset that Heather is being fake, and it’s making her question her own friendship with Heather. The women tell Carmella not to bring anything up to Heather in the car.

    Heather gets in the car with $150 worth of food and an oblivious attitude. Gina wonders if the snacks are too fancy-pants for trashy Carmella.

    They also discuss Vicki’s engagement ring, and why her boyfriend, Mike, hasn’t given it to her yet. Everyone thinks it’s odd. Vicki is dismissive and wants the other women to stop discussing it. 

    Carmella, Gina, Heather, and Tamra get pulled over. Has this happened before on Housewives?

    Oh, right. The OC Angels used to get pulled over all the time. Remember them?

    Gina worries about going back to jail, but luckily, the cop is only concerned about the blacked-out tint on Carmella’s windows. She also has expired registration, so she gets a citation.

    They finally arrive in Santa Barbara, and no one goes to jail.

    At Vicki’s La Quinta house, the other women hang out, and Jen says she has never whooped it up with Vicki. Vicki says it’s because Jen is mean to her. She thinks Jen should just sit there and be pretty.

    Emily wants to know if Vicki is talking about the picnic or Vegas, when they were talking about Vicki’s relationship. Vicki admits that when she is frustrated, she goes after Jen because she is “low-hanging fruit.”

    I am not sure Vicki even knows what that means, but she definitely is insulting.

    Vicki’s boyfriend, Michael, arrives, and the women are surprised. Vicki tells him she wants the ladies to lay off her about their relationship.

    Emily wonders why Michael keeps popping up when the women are away. She thinks he may be checking up on Vicki. Perhaps he has seen this show before and knows what kind of trouble she gets in. 

    On the way to golf, Vicki is emailing, as usual. She loves to work. Have you heard? Emily teases her about wanting to get engaged, and Vicki is just no fun. Jen tells us Vicki acts like an asshole, and that’s about right.

    We get some split scenes of Tamra’s group riding bikes while Vicki and the other women golf. Golfing doesn’t look fun, and none of the women are very good. Shannon is her usual spazzy self, and it cracks me up.

    Carmella and Heather share a bike and discuss Gina telling Emily that Heather called Carmella trashy. Heather is disappointed and wonders about Gina’s motives. She says the other women have said far worse things.

    I’d like to hear them. It would definitely spice up the episode.

    Gina tells Tamra she is upset that Heather is using Carmella as a realtor instead of her.

    At Vicki’s, she feels like the women are picking on her about working and her relationship with Michael. She isn’t wrong, but I enjoy watching them pick on her. Vicki has been vile to every member of the cast at least once. She has it coming.

    Shannon goes to use the bathroom, and the other women drive off in their golf carts and leave her. She chases after them with her arms flailing.

    Tamra’s group heads out to dinner, and everyone is tired from the bike ride, but Gina is not too pooped to stir up some shit. She tells Heather she is upset about Heather going to Carmella as a realtor instead of her.

    I wonder if all the women use Terry Dubrow for their plastic surgery? Just saying.

    Gina calls Heather out for calling Carmella trashy and then wanting to do business with her. She asks Heather if she is fake. Heather, of course, denies it, but all of the women look like they doubt her at this point.

    Heather is mad that Gina told Emily what she said about Carmella, but that’s just deflection. She thinks Gina did it to hurt her, and Gina calls her out for twisting the situation and tells Heather that her opinion sucks.

    Tamra tries to explain Gina’s point of view, and Gina brings up years ago when Heather thought Gina was keeping her as a friend for real estate contacts. Heather deflects again and says that Tamra told her that in the first place.

    Gina doubles down on Heather being fake as fuck.

    Carmella says her head is spinning because Heather has been so nice to her but called her trash behind her back. Heather tries to explain this by saying she did think that, but now realizes she isn’t quite as trashy as she thought.

    I guess that’s nice.

    Tamra asks Carmella if she likes Vicki, and Carmella says Vicki is older. Lol.

    Vicki wonders why Carmella’s house is empty. Carmella wonders if Vicki is Inspector Gadget. Carmella FaceTimes her very full pantry and house to show the women that Vicki is full of shit.

    They should already know that.

    At Vicki’s, the women hit the pool and Shannon dons a bright pink shower cap. They move to the hot tub, and Jen says she is bothered that Vicki called her “low-hanging fruit.”

    Vicki flips her lid and tells her to leave her alone. She gets all bent and starts bellowing like a big, beastly blond bear. Jen says Vicki is poking her bear, and the women say they just want to know about Vicki’s relationship.

    Vicki again tells them to leave her alone, and we see some flashbacks to the trainwreck that was Brooks Ayers, as well as that douche Steve Lodge Chavez Whatever. Emily tells Vicki she is rude to the women, and Vicki says she doesn’t want to talk about it. She says they are in her home and should shut up.

    Vicki gets out of the pool to go make pizzas, and Jen wonders why Vicki is so defensive. Shannon tries to talk to Vicki, but Vicki is livid that they are all bothering her in her own home.

    She wants to go to bed, read her Bible, and kick them all out in the morning. She also wants Shannon to stick up for her.

    Vicki bitches and moans her way through some pizza prep. Shannon tries to be festive, but Vicki is in major Debbie Downer mode. She tells Emily to stop coming after her and says she is done.

    Shannon asks her about the pizza sauce. Vicki has no reply.

    Emily compares Shannon to the Swedish Chef, and it’s great. And accurate.

    Vicki thanks God that Michael isn’t there, and Emily asks why she is so stressed about her boyfriend. Vicki has had enough of Jen and Emily and wants to play the quiet game. Vicki rips her microphone off and storms off to her bedroom. She wants everyone to get the fuck out.

    Uh oh. Here we go.

    Michael comes home. He immediately goes to check on Vicki, and the women wonder if they should split an Uber and jam on out of there. They start packing, and Vicki tells producers to get everyone out.

    So far, this is the most eventful episode this season! I hope it keeps up that way. Check back next week for the new episode!