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  • RHOBH, Season 11, Episode 15–The Dinner Party From Hell Part 2

    At Dorit’s house, she is being fitted for her bridal wear line. P.K. is super excited about each of the dresses and names each style. Dorit tells us that P.K. is a visionary. I forgot how obnoxiously in love they were before the ugly divorce started.

    Kyle visits Sutton and her new Bentley at Sutton’s new house, which is being renovated while she rents Kyle’s old house. I wonder what that ran her per month? I could probably look it up, but I am too lazy today. They discuss Kyle’s upcoming 25th birthday and turn quickly to the confrontation Sutton had with Erika at Rinna’s beauty launch. Erika thinks (rightfully so) that Sutton is talking behind her back about Erika’s legal issues. Erika is on the attack/defensive.

    Sutton tells Kyle that Erika is a liar. She lied about Tom’s broken ankle, so who knows what else she could be lying about? Kyle tells us she thinks Erika is careful about what she shares because she doesn’t trust people. Sutton thinks that Tom’s head injury is part of building his defense. She thinks Erika made a deal with the devil.

    Crystal hosts Erika, Kathy, and Garcelle for dinner, and they spend most of the time talking shit about Sutton. They discuss Rinna’s beauty launch luncheon. Dorit was all spicy because Garcelle said Dorit talks too much. Erika says she has taken a beating from the group, and that Sutton needs to back the fuck off.

    Kathy says that Sutton is awfully concerned about her social reputation. Erika says it is a small-town attitude, and they also say that no one they know has actually ever heard of Sutton anyway. Garcelle is protective of Sutton and says she had never heard of most of the other women either, including Crystal, before coming on the show. Garcelle is Team Sutton and says she has found her voice, and Crystal says Sutton’s voice is awkward.

    At Kyle’s, she and Mauricio celebrate their 25th anniversary with a night at home. It seems sweet, and they really did seem in love. I wonder if we will ever get the full story of what happened there. Also, my husband just walked by and said, “Nobody likes you, Kyle.” Lol. She is not his favorite.

    They discuss Erika’s divorce and all of the lawsuits. It’s the driving topic of this season, and everyone is shocked by the headlines breaking every day. They all want to believe that Erika was not involved in Tom’s crimes, but are unsure and don’t want to be involved with the scandal.

    The next night, Kathy is having a dinner party at her house, so Kyle calls to see what she is wearing. Kathy is freaking out about candles needing to be lit and seating charts, so Kyle doesn’t get a clear answer. Kathy delights me.

    Sutton calls Garcelle and says she wants to be upfront with Erika about not trusting her. That should go well. Erika dominates confrontations—Sutton, not so much.

    Kathy’s table setting is flawless, and we all know that means a shit show is to follow. In Housewives’ land, the prettier the table—the worse the dinner. Kathy tells us her rules for hosting a party, and I take notes. Not that I have many friends, but still. Rinna arrives first and makes awkward chit chat with Patrick, the butler.

    Rinna starts drinking while she waits for the other guests, and Kathy, to make an appearance. Sutton arrives in an orange, reflective outfit that is hideous. It probably cost more than my car. It looks like there are ghosts coming out of her shoulders, and I don’t get it. The ugly leather pants were better looking.

    Dorit loves the butler service and the French mayonnaise. Rinna gets a little drunk, so who knows what is gonna come flying out of her big mouth? At the table, Sutton wants to have a “little chit chat” with Erika. Erika questions her intentions and says she has no interest in speaking to Sutton, and that Sutton’s opinion does not matter.

    Then she goes to the restroom. The other women ask Sutton what happened. She says she was just trying to be direct with Erika, while she thinks some of the other women are not being honest about whether or not they trust Erika. Drunk Rinna keeps ringing the bell, so the butler takes it away. Thank God for him. If only he would take her, too.

    Dorit confronts Garcelle and says she felt bad about their argument. Kathy shuts it down and says it’s not good for their digestion, and she wants to enjoy her meal. Rinna has the damn bell again. She passes the bell to Sutton and tells her to reveal what is on her mind. Sutton dives right into the Erika stuff.

    All of the women start speaking at once, and Erika tells Sutton to stop speaking about her life. Sutton squeaks a little bit, and Erika tells her not to raise her voice. Sutton starts reciting her resume, and Erika wonders what it has to do with anything. Again, Sutton is concerned about her reputation and being associated with Erika. Erika says her scandal does not affect the women in any way, and Dorit chimes in that she disagrees.

    Erika says there will be a day when this is all behind her, and she will remember who was with her and who was against her. Sutton says she is not against her. Crystal does not feel affected by Erika’s scandals, but Garcelle thinks it is human nature to worry about it. Erika starts to cry.

    Garcelle tries to comfort her, and Erika tells her to let go of her. Dorit brings up all of her questions, and Erika asks her to imagine how she feels. Erika asks why all of them are torturing her. Erika asks Dorit if she would want to trade places with her, and Dorit says of course not.

    Erika just wants everyone to drop it, and Garcelle says they should let it go. Kathy looks miffed that she wasted the good crystal on this bullshit, and Rinna starts babbling about how they should love each other. Someone stuff that bell in her big mouth. Kyle makes the situation worse, as usual, and says Sutton is not being honest about all that she has said behind Erika’s back.

    Sutton tries to explain herself, and Kyle jumps down her throat. Sutton called a whole meeting with the other women to discuss how Erika’s situation could impact the group. Kyle totally rats her out for calling Erika a liar, and Erika is seething. They start discussing Tom’s car accident story, and it’s so confusing I won’t even try to keep up. Something is mad fishy here.

    Erika tells Sutton she will go head-on with her all day and that she has a lot of fucking nerve. Sutton tells her not to speak to her that way, and Erika demands, “Or what?!” It is a raw, cold shutdown, and Sutton is speechless.

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    If there’s a Real Housewives episode you’d love to see excavated, drop the franchise and season/episode in the comments. I may just dig it up and recap it. ⛏️🦴

    Old episode? Classic chaos? One you think deserves a second look? Send it my way!

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  • The 10 Greatest Forgotten Housewives Moments

    We all remember the table flip. We remember Scary Island. We remember the Amsterdam dinner. But Housewives history is filled with ridiculous little moments that somehow get pushed aside by the bigger, more famous fights.

    So let’s dig a little deeper.

    Here are 10 of the greatest forgotten Housewives moments from RHOC, RHONY, RHOBH, RHONJ and RHOSLC.

    10. Alexis Bellino Tries to Become a News Anchor — RHOC

    Before Alexis became known for her more recent return to the OC, there was the glorious period when she was determined to prove that she could be a serious journalist.

    Watching Alexis conduct herself like a seasoned television correspondent while wearing an outfit that looked more appropriate for a workout video was spectacular. She was completely committed to the bit, even when absolutely nobody else seemed to be.

    It was one of those early RHOC moments that perfectly captured Alexis.

    9. Carlton Puts Kyle’s Necklace in Water — RHOBH

    Carlton Gebbia only lasted one season, but she left us with one of the strangest explanations in Housewives history.

    After Kyle gave Carlton a necklace, Carlton revealed that she had put it into a glass of distilled water because she was cleansing it.

    “It’s in water.”

    That sentence should have become much more famous than it did.

    The entire Carlton/Kyle feud was bizarre, but this tiny detail somehow managed to be even stranger.

    8. Vicki Screams About “Multiple Partners” on a Ski Mountain — RHOC

    Early Vicki was a completely different species.

    When rumors about her sex life reached her, Vicki did not quietly pull someone aside and discuss the matter. She screamed about having “multiple partners” while everyone was standing around on a ski trip.

    There was snow. There were Housewives. There was Vicki Gunvalson loudly discussing her sex life.

    And somehow this moment doesn’t get mentioned nearly enough.

    7. Ramona Competes With a Legally Blind Man Over Who Has Worse Eyesight — RHONY

    Ramona Singer meeting former New York governor David Paterson should have been a normal social interaction.

    It was not.

    Paterson is legally blind, which somehow prompted Ramona to explain that she also has terrible eyesight without her glasses.

    Instead of simply acknowledging that he could not see, Ramona essentially entered an impromptu competition over whose vision was worse.

    Only Ramona could turn meeting a legally blind governor into an opportunity to discuss her own eyesight.

    6. Sonja Expects the Waitress to Kiss Her Hand — RHONY

    Sonja Morgan was having lunch with the ladies when the waitress came over to collect the menus.

    Sonja extended her hand.

    Not to hand over the menu.

    She appeared to be expecting the waitress to kiss it.

    Dorinda’s description of Sonja behaving like royalty was the perfect finishing touch.

    It’s an incredibly small moment, but it is peak Sonja: completely sincere, completely bizarre and somehow convinced that this is a normal way to interact with a server.

    5. Alex McCord Calls Luann a “Thug in a Cocktail Dress” — RHONY

    This is one of those Housewives quotes that somehow gets lost among the much bigger RHONY moments.

    During Season 4, Alex McCord became increasingly frustrated with Luann’s behavior toward her friends and ultimately described the Countess as a “thug in a cocktail dress.”

    And Alex was not joking.

    She meant it.

    The feud eventually became one of the strangest and most entertaining parts of the Morocco era, with Luann firing back about Alex’s infamous shoes and delivering the immortal “Even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes.” Bravo has confirmed that Alex’s “thug in a cocktail dress” description was indeed aimed at Luann.

    4. Ramona and Luann Have Their Central Park Showdown — RHONY

    This entire argument deserves to be remembered more than it is.

    Ramona and Luann were arguing about their friendship, accusations of blackmail and Luann’s role as a mother.

    And then, because this is RHONY, the conversation somehow wandered into Ramona’s manicure.

    Luann eventually asked:

    “What other tricks do you have up your Pinot-filled hat?”

    It’s the kind of scene that could only happen on RHONY — two women having a genuinely serious argument while the conversation repeatedly veers into complete nonsense.

    3. Jo De La Rosa Dances for Slade During His Lunch Break — RHOC

    The first season of RHOC was a different television universe.

    Jo was bored at home while Slade was at work, so one of the solutions presented to her was to get some lingerie and prepare a sexy dance for her fiancé.

    And then she actually did it.

    For Slade.

    During his lunch break.

    The scene is an extraordinary time capsule of early Housewives, when Bravo apparently had no idea yet what kind of monster it had created.

    2. Mary Cosby Waits for Her “Pastrami Soup” — RHOSLC

    This is exactly the kind of tiny RHOSLC moment that gets swallowed by the enormous drama surrounding the franchise.

    Mary was waiting for her soup and referred to it as “mastrami” — intending, apparently, to say minestrone. Meredith heard “pastrami,” and suddenly the women were trying to figure out what the hell Mary had ordered.

    It is such a stupid little exchange, which is precisely why it is so funny.

    RHOSLC has produced murders, arrests, lawsuits, sprinter vans and screaming matches, but sometimes Mary Cosby simply wanting her “mastrami” is enough.

    Fans still bring up the moment when discussing the show’s funniest overlooked scenes.

    1. Kimberly Bryant’s Entire RHOC Season 1 Existence — RHOC

    Kimberly Bryant is probably the ultimate forgotten original Housewife.

    She was there at the very beginning. She talked about maintaining her youthful appearance and getting breast implants. We met her family, including her son Travis, whose reaction to being dragged along while his sister got her makeup done was priceless.

    And then Kimberly basically disappeared from Housewives history.

    The fact that one of the original women from the show that started the entire franchise has become this obscure is almost more fascinating than anything she actually did.

    She was there when RHOC began.

    She was part of the DNA.

    And now people routinely forget she ever existed.

    That’s what I call a truly forgotten Housewife. Bravo itself has singled Kimberly out as one of the original RHOC wives that many viewers forget was ever on the show.

  • Things I Want to See Happen on RHUGT Season 5

    1. An actual blowup that lasts longer than five minutes.
      I want somebody genuinely pissed off at somebody else, not an argument that gets resolved before the next commercial break.
    2. Lisa Barlow and the SLC women to REALLY go at it.
      We’ve spent enough time hearing about what happened. I want the gloves off.
    3. Vicki to find her people.
      Watching her wander around Atlanta looking miserable is getting depressing. Give this woman somebody to whoop it up with.
    4. Candiace and Porsha to finally have it out.
      Gizelle keeps telling us there are problems between them. Great. Let’s see them.
    5. A Housewives dinner that completely falls apart.
      Not a themed party. Not a celebration. Just put these women around a table, give them alcohol, and let nature take its course.
    6. Teresa to actually get involved in some drama.
      She’s mostly been Lisa’s bodyguard so far. I want Teresa in the middle of something.
    7. Kyle to stop playing referee.
      She has already had enough of the SLC nonsense. I want her to lose patience and get involved instead of trying to keep everyone calm.
    8. Luann to get messy.
      She has been surprisingly reasonable. I need a little more Countess chaos.
    9. Gizelle to get into something that has nothing to do with organizing everyone else.
      She’s great at stirring things up, so let her actually get her hands dirty.
    10. A friendship nobody expected.
      Give me two women who normally wouldn’t have anything to do with each other suddenly becoming inseparable.
    11. Someone refusing to make peace.
      I am tired of everyone having a conversation, explaining their feelings, hugging and moving on. Somebody needs to hold a grudge.
    12. Less flashback footage and more present-day footage.
      I understand that this is the 20th anniversary season. I do. But I can watch old Housewives clips on YouTube. I want to see what these women are doing NOW.
    13. A truly disastrous group event.
      Something where the plan goes completely off the rails and nobody can blame editing or old footage.
    14. At least one feud that carries through multiple episodes.
      I don’t want a fight that starts and ends in the same episode. Give us a real storyline.
    15. A finale where everyone is pissed off.
      If I’m going to watch nine episodes of this, I want to get to the end and think, Oh, these women are absolutely not okay with each other.