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  • Kelly Bensimon’s 10 Most Unhinged RHONY Moments

    Kelly Bensimon was only on RHONY for three seasons, but she managed to leave behind enough bizarre moments to make a Top 10 list surprisingly easy. Some of her finest work happened on Scary Island, but Morocco gave us plenty of Kelly insanity too. Here are her ten most unhinged moments.

    1. Telling Bethenny She Was a Cook, Not a Chef

    During the infamous Scary Island dinner, Kelly became fixated on Bethenny calling herself a chef. She repeatedly insisted that Bethenny was a cook instead. It was one of those arguments where you could practically see everyone at the table wondering how the conversation had gotten there.

    2. Claiming Bethenny Was Trying to Kill Her

    Kelly told the women that she was having nightmares about Bethenny killing her. This wasn’t Kelly making a snarky Housewives accusation during an argument. She was genuinely presenting the idea that Bethenny was a threat to her. It became one of the most disturbing and bizarre parts of the entire Scary Island situation.

    3. The Jelly Beans

    While the other women were trying to deal with Kelly’s increasingly bizarre behavior, Kelly was sitting there eating jelly beans. Bethenny eventually screamed, “Go to sleep!” and Kelly’s expression while eating the jelly beans became one of the most recognizable images in RHONY history.

    4. “Al Sharpton!”

    Kelly’s train of thought during the Scary Island dinner was already impossible to follow, and then she suddenly brought up Al Sharpton. The conversation had absolutely nothing to do with him. It was another spectacular example of Kelly seemingly changing channels in the middle of a sentence. She was actually mixing up Johnnie Cochran and Al Sharpton, which somehow made the whole thing even more surreal.

    5. Calling Alex a Vampire

    Kelly looked at Alex McCord and decided she was giving off vampire vibes. This was during the same increasingly bizarre Scary Island dinner where Kelly was talking about nightmares and Bethenny killing her. Alex was understandably confused by the whole thing.

    6. “Satchels of Gold”

    Kelly’s Scary Island vocabulary deserves its own entry. At one point, she started talking about “satchels of gold,” another phrase that seemed to materialize from absolutely nowhere. Bravo itself still highlights “satchels of gold” as one of the memorable Kelly moments from the trip.

    7. Telling Ramona to “Zip It”

    During Scary Island, Ramona and Bethenny were trying to have a private conversation about their own disagreement. Kelly kept inserting herself into it, eventually telling Ramona to “zip it.” Ramona was understandably not interested in taking orders from Kelly, and the situation became another example of Kelly involving herself in conversations that had nothing to do with her.

    8. Morocco: Ordering Alex to Close Her Eyes

    Morocco gave us a completely different kind of Kelly insanity. Kelly was interacting with Alex and started telling her to close her eyes, then controlling when she could open them. She also shushed Alex and criticized her behavior. Alex later described Morocco as “mean,” contrasting it with Scary Island, which she considered crazy rather than deliberately cruel.

    9. Morocco: Throwing Alex Out of the Dining Room

    And then Kelly took it another step further by telling Alex to leave the dining room during dinner. Kelly had somehow appointed herself the authority over Alex, despite having absolutely no authority over Alex whatsoever. It was uncomfortable, bizarre and one of the clearest examples of Kelly’s behavior toward Alex during the Morocco trip.

    10. “This Is You. This Is Me.”

    Kelly’s feud with Bethenny had been brewing long before Scary Island. During their Season 2 confrontation, Kelly told Bethenny, “This is you. This is me,” while making a physical distinction between the two of them. She also insisted they weren’t friends and never would be. It was an extraordinarily condescending way to conduct a Housewives argument, which is precisely why it remains one of Kelly’s most memorable moments.

    Kelly Bensimon didn’t need a decade-long Housewives career to become unforgettable. She gave us vampire Alex, satchels of gold, jelly beans, Al Sharpton, nightmares about Bethenny, and an entire Moroccan power struggle with Alex McCord. Very few Housewives have ever seemed so completely committed to operating on their own wavelength.

  • RHOC, Season 9, Episode 13–Point “Break:” Lizzie’s Dinner Party from Hell

    We start with the Dubrows out for a double date with Vicki and the infamous Brooks Ayers. They discuss Shannon and how Heather kicked Shannon out of her house recently. Vicki has only heard Shannon’s side of the story, and Heather’s story is very different. If you recall, Tamra is at the root of all of this for telling Heather about a private email that Shannon shared with Tamra. Tamra is a proverbial shit stirrer.

    They disagree over whether Shannon yells or not. Shannon definitely yells, but she didn’t yell at Heather at her house. Vicki just wants everybody to get along. Fat chance.

    At the Beadors, they are having a drink. Shannon says they have been through hell and back together, but are taking steps to get closer. The first step seems to be a ginormous bottle of Grey Goose. David and Sophie are preparing for their trip to Italy. They sit down to family dinner and go over the details. Shannon is sending Sophie to Italy with forty-seven pairs of jeans and a bag full of homeopathic remedies.

    Lizzie and her husband, Christian, are preparing for a dinner party at her parents’ beach house. Christian is doing some renovations to give it a facelift. They decide to invite all of the women and their partners, since this is one of the few seasons when everyone actually has one.

    We see Vicki working hard at Coto Insurance, and Tamra stops by for a visit. They discuss how inconvenient it is to have to pee. It’s enthralling. Vicki gives Tamra the rundown on her dinner with the Dubrows. Vicki says Heather points her finger a lot. Not metaphorically. Literally. Heather can get that finger going for sure. Tamra and Vicki aren’t sure whom to believe about Heather’s issues with Shannon. They both think this will boil over at Lizzie’s party.

    The night of the party, Lizzie and Christian are getting the house ready. The table looks beautiful, which always spells trouble for housewives’ parties. Lizzie makes a seating chart and does her best to keep Shannon and Heather separated.

    On the way there, Shannon says she is worried about seeing the Dubrows again. Tamra also told Shannon that Terry said he wants to take the Beadors down. Shannon says Tamra told her this multiple times. Know that.

    In their stretch limo, the Dubrows both say they haven’t spoken to Shannon since kicking her out of their house. Heather feels like Shannon is always screaming at her, so she is also going into the party with some anxiety.

    The party kicks off with some champagne for everyone, except Shannon, who heads right for the vodka. Heather and Shannon are cordial, yet chilly. Fire dancers show up on the beach to perform for the guests, and it’s actually pretty cool. I just don’t get why it starts before all the guests are there—unless the other guests are just rude and late, which is totally possible.

    Tamra tells us she isn’t looking forward to seeing Brooks, but will try with him for Vicki’s sake. Everyone arrives, and Shannon asks Tamra about the “take down the Beadors” comment that Terry allegedly made. Tamra denies ever saying any such thing. I don’t believe her. I one hundred percent believe she said something like this to stir shit up. Shannon also thinks that Tamra is lying when she denies saying it.

    Tamra acts like Shannon is crazy, and this becomes the theme of the night. Shannon will not back down, but Tamra continues denying everything. Shannon thinks Tamra is just afraid of the Dubrows, and this sounds valid. Tamra realizes she is now in the middle of the Dubrow/Beador drama, regardless of what she did, or did not, say.

    An exasperated Shannon says she is done with the topic and won’t bring it up. She wants to move on. Remember that.

    Everyone makes their way to the table. Heather loves that she is not sitting near Shannon. Christian gives a toast. He doesn’t say much. Vicki snores. Dinner starts out pretty quietly, and then Tamra gets uncomfortable with it, so she starts talking about her ass. As one does. Brooks says that Vicki has a perfect vagina. I think he means wallet.

    Everything is going well, so Tamra tells Terry that Shannon is saying he wants to take the Beadors down. Uh oh. Here we go. Mr. Manners Dubrow yells across the table to Shannon and confronts her about this. David stands up to Terry and defends his wife, and I like it. Tamra looks delighted with what she started. She continues to deny ever saying it, but Vicki tells us that she has, in fact, told Vicki that as well.

    Shannon apologizes for ever “yelling” at Heather. Heather won’t drop it. David tells Heather to stop talking about his marriage—another whole issue that was started by Tamra. Heather says Tamra is not a liar. I disagree. So does Shannon. So does Vicki. Lizzie also thinks Tamra is stirring the pot. The Beadors keep trying to change the subject, since it is inappropriate, but the Dubrows are in attack mode. Shannon leaves the table to try and take a moment for herself. Christian gives another toast. It falls on deaf ears.

    Tamra calls Heather outside so she can cause more trouble and really put the nail in this party’s coffin. 

    Tamra and Heather discuss the Terry/Beadors situation again, and Heather believes Tamra. They say that Shannon is drunk. I don’t see any evidence of that whatsoever. Vicki tries to stay out of it, admitting she is afraid of Tamra and doesn’t want to face her wrath. Tamra says that Shannon is crazy. Shannon warns Terry that Tamra is lying. Everyone believes Tamra for some reason and jumps on the “Shannon is Crazy” boat. David says that Terry could not take them down, and Terry takes offense.

    David says Tamra started the whole thing, and he is right. Tamra confronts him, and he leaves the table to talk to her. He tells her he is upset with her for sharing his and Shannon’s private email. Tamra again denies everything. Vicki says all of this is typical Tamra. 

    Suddenly, everyone is outside listening to their conversation. Tamra is still trying to sell her bullshit and paint herself as an angel. Heather quickly jumps on this train and goes back to claiming that Shannon always yells at her. Shannon is seething, and understandably so. 

    Shannon wants to agree to disagree, but Heather won’t drop it. Shannon tries to defend herself, somewhat shrilly, and Heather insists she is yelling at her again. Tamra is holding Shannon and pulling on her, and this would enrage me. 

    Shannon has enough and tries to storm off, and Tamra is grabbing her face and screaming at her. Vicki just sits at the table, knowing better than to get involved. Shannon repeatedly asks David to get Tamra away from her, and Tamra won’t let go of her. Shannon has had it with everyone’s lies and wants some space, which is understandable. Lizzie’s dinner party is in the gutter, and it’s definitely Tamra’s fault. She took down the Beadors.

  • Top 5 Housewives I Would Spend Labor Day Weekend With 🍹

    Labor Day weekend is here, and I’ve decided who I want at my barbecue. 😂

    1. Lisa Barlow — RHOSLC
      The Diet Coke, the hot mic energy, the completely unhinged commentary. I want her there.
    2. Luann de Lesseps — RHONY
      Because every long weekend needs a cabaret. She’d turn a backyard barbecue into a glamorous European resort.
    3. Teresa Giudice — RHONJ
      She’d cook, feed everyone, and make sure nobody left hungry. I’d be seated for the food alone.
    4. Shannon Beador — RHOC
      A little tequila, a little gossip, and suddenly we’re all having the best weekend ever.
    5. Vicki Gunvalson — RHOC
      WHOOP IT UP! 🍹 She’d have the entire weekend scheduled, but honestly, I’d let her.

    Who would you invite to your Labor Day barbecue? 😂

  • Top 5 Housewives Who Don’t Need Labor Day

    Labor Day is here, so naturally it’s time to celebrate the Housewives who have contributed absolutely nothing to the American workforce.

    1. Teresa Giudice — When we met Teresa, her primary occupations appeared to be cooking, shopping, raising four daughters, and spending an alarming amount of money. She eventually became a businesswoman, cookbook author, and reality-TV star, but early RHONJ Teresa was very much living the Housewives dream.

    2. Kim Richards — Kim had been a child actress, so technically she had worked. But by the time she arrived on RHOBH, her main professional activity seemed to be disappearing from group events, avoiding confrontation, and occasionally wandering into the middle of someone else’s argument.

    3. Camille Grammer — Camille arrived on RHOBH as the wife of Kelsey Grammer, living in a mansion, attending charity events, and informing everyone that she was “a dancer.” She also had modeling and acting credits, but watching Season 1, you could be forgiven for thinking her full-time occupation was being married to Kelsey Grammer.

    4. Kelly Killoren Bensimon — Kelly had a legitimate career in modeling, writing, and magazine work, so she doesn’t literally belong on this list. But she gets a spot for the sheer amount of time she spent explaining that she was a busy, important New York person while doing things like going to a scary island and insisting that she was up at 5 a.m. running.

    5. Sonja Morgan — Sonja had worked before RHONY and has had plenty of business ventures since, but there was a stretch of the show where her primary employment appeared to be living in a townhouse, wearing lingerie, drinking, and explaining why her toaster oven was going to revolutionize the world. She was essentially self-employed in the field of being Sonja Morgan.

    Happy Labor Day Weekend to everyone who actually has a job.