Jurassic Snark: A Place to Excavate The Real Housewives

RHUGT: The Roaring Twenties, Season 5, Episode 9–Finale

October 5, 2026

This week, everyone is headed to the Berkshires for Dorinda’s party at Bluestone Manor. I am hoping for some good drama and action, in true Bezerkshires fashion. We know Luann is still revved up from last week’s disaster (Porsha was late, remember?), and Vicki is still a downer, and now we are throwing Dorinda and a whole bunch of other Housewives into the mix, so the possibilities are endless.

In the sprinter van, Luann and Porsha are still fighting. Luann is hurt over how the women treated her at her party. Gizelle and Porsha feel like they have enabled Luann, and it’s made her obnoxious. Luann apologizes and says she didn’t realize her behavior was so bad. So, basically, nothing happens. Kind of like the last several episodes.

By 8:44 p.m., they are still stuck in the van, and by 9:07 p.m., they still haven’t arrived. The roads are slippery and everyone loses cell reception, so they spend some time discussing the upcoming party. Dorinda is expecting over 100 people. Teresa promises to stand by Lisa’s side if any of the SLC girls come after her. They are all curious to meet the new Rhode Island ladies. Everyone is starving, so they hit up a Wendy’s, and classy Lisa Barlow is in absolute Heaven.

They finally arrive at The Red Lion Inn. I SO want to stay there. I am trying to talk my husband into it for my birthday this year. We shall see. They enter the lobby to cheers and applause and Luann loves it. Actually, everyone does. They greet their fans politely, but Downer Vicki wants to go to bed. Luann says the hotel is haunted, and I love it even more. I have a thing for haunted hotels. Don’t ask.

A random guy from the lobby brings Vicki to her room. It’s hilarious. Vicki is a disaster, and so random. She wonders who will show up in her room next. Five minutes later, we see the women playing ghost pranks on each other, and Kyle gets Porsha.

So far, I am bored with this episode. I am waiting for Bluestone Manor and the rest of the women to show up. I hope Patterson Dolores is coming to the party. She is my favorite, and she could teach these ladies a thing or two.

The morning of the party, we see the women calling home and getting ready. The theme is The Gilded Age, and that sounds fun. None of the women, especially Teresa, can say when the actual Gilded Age was, but it’s all good. Lisa hates a theme, but is playing along, kind of. Vicki is clueless, as usual. This is an awful lot of build-up for a finale episode. Let’s get to the party already.

Luann heads to Dorinda’s early, and Dorinda is still getting ready for the event. We get a whole set of scenes of past disasters at the Bezerkshires, and it’s kind of fun, but again, I want some real-time action. That has been a running theme with this Girls’ Trip. Dorinda asks Luann about her party and how she was so upset about the way the other women treated her. Luann explains that they resolved it in the car on the way there, so there really isn’t an issue anymore.

Dozens of other Housewives, including several NY girls, Melissa Gorga, Marysol Patton, Angie K., and Heather Dubrow arrive. It’s a real Housewives extravaganza, or nightmare, depending on how you look at things. There is snow on the ground and Bluestone Manor is looking fabulous. Oh, Camille is there, too. And Heather Gay. It’s hard to keep up—they all just keep trickling in. Sutton and Boz are also in attendance. This place is literally packed to the rafters with crazy women from all across the franchises, and I wonder if I would actually want to be there. So many Housewives in one place is a little much.

Dolores arrives and immediately makes me happy. All the Rhode Island girls come in, and they all look like Dolores. It’s unsettling. Teresa meets JoEllen, who actually, my husband thinks looks just like her. He isn’t wrong. Rulla kisses Vicki’s ass, and Vicki loves it. By and large, everyone is very nice and welcoming to the Rhode Island girls. I may recap the second season, but Rhode Island’s first season didn’t exactly wow me.

Did I mention Dolores, the real Dolores, not one of the lookalikes, looks great? She is so skinny. Kyle, ever the producer, asks the Rhode Island girls how their Housewives experience has been. They all say they just went into it as their authentic selves. Right. Ashley says Rulla is the one with the most on her shoulders, and we get hints of the drama in her marriage that became the focus of season one. She says the women did not support her, and Liz takes offense.

Liz says that Rulla did not allow the women to support her. JoEllen immediately whispers to Luann that Rulla’s husband cheated on her, but when Rulla admits she had to deal with that, Liz says Rulla knew about it for over a year before filming started. Lisa Hochstein, who had a similar situation, relates to Rulla. Luann does, too, because—it’s about Tom. Each of the women offers the Rhode Island cast advice about their upcoming reunion. Teresa tells them it gets better as they go, and that the sun will always keep coming out—which is probably true. Suddenly, Teresa is both a philosopher and a scientist. Rulla starts yelling at JoEllen, and Dorinda cuts it, telling them not to start shit in her home. They apologize, and clearly note that Bluestone Manor Dorinda is formidable. Wait until they see Drunk Dorinda.

Luann takes some of the women to the iconic “Fish Room.” She tells Gizelle and Porsha that she wants to focus on Vicki, who has been down the whole trip. Luann feels like they have come a long way from Luann calling Vicki “Porky Pig.” Lmao. It can probably only go up from there. They all agree that the OC women were terrible to Vicki at her party, but that they hope she can have fun tonight.

And suddenly, the Rhode Island women are screaming at each other again. Liz and JoEllen go at it hard. Dorinda is gonna be pissed. She says they already have two strikes against them. Big Daddy Andy Cohen arrives and all the women go bananas, well, because they have to. He is the boss, right?

He is dressed to the nines and looks like Mr. Monopoly. It’s definitely a choice. He makes a toast, and they actually let him speak. After the speech, they all kiss his ass a little. Melissa and Teresa make nice in front of him, because they have finally understood that their livelihoods depend on it. Andy asks Teresa if she wants an apology from Melissa for coming on the show behind Teresa’s back. Teresa clearly does. Melissa denies it ever even happened. We get some fun scenes of them fighting over the years. Andy actually apologizes to her for the way things went down when Melissa came on the show, and I think it’s long overdue. Andy is a dirty dog when it comes to casting. Melissa and Teresa agree to stick together, and I don’t believe a word of it. Neither do they.

Erin corners Carole to talk shit about her cast. Did she not know Carole was coming back to NY? She is giving her an awful lot of information here. Oh, Mary Cosby is there. I’d like to see more of her, but it seems like it’s just a glimpse. Carole and Luann joke about that funny time Carole banged Luann’s chef. The Rhode Island women are screaming again. Did they forget that Dorinda made it nice? Behave, bitches.

Andy asks Lisa Barlow if she is having fun, and then immediately calls Heather over to make sure she isn’t. He knows these two have major beef with each other. He acts like he wants to make peace between them, but Lisa is not feeling it. She says she and Heather are definitely not friends, although she has tried with her. And just like that, Andy is literally in the middle of the two of them telling each other to fuck off.

Andy says he didn’t come to cause trouble, and that’s a banquet of bullshit. It’s literally his job. He is standing there awkwardly, but also clearly loving every second of it. He finally tries to break it up, but it goes as well as it did at the last SLC reunion. Producer Kyle comes over to see what’s going on and if she can get involved, while Teresa sticks up for Lisa and says Heather was terrible to Lisa in Atlanta.

Porsha tells them all to stop acting up in front of “company.” Phaedra arrives, and I wonder if it’s for a special, surprise entrance. Oh, no. She is just actually super late. Cynthia Bailey and Uba also make appearances, and some of the women sit around the table and reminisce about all the fights that have occurred there over the years. Luann and Carole are friendly to each other again, and I don’t get it. They clearly hate each other. The New New York women ask the old-timers if they have watched the newer seasons, and they mostly have barely seen it. Luann says she has moved on. Yup. To The Golden Life. I will be recapping that starting October 20th.

Luann gathers the RHUGT cast and the other women and, surprise, gives a speech. It’s actually nice. She says that although she and Vicki got off on the wrong foot, Vicki has a huge heart. Luann feels like the OC women didn’t give Vicki the love and respect she deserved, so she presents her with flowers and thanks her for putting the Housewives on the map.

Dorinda gets on the microphone and tells all the women, there are SO many of them, too many to name, to head outside. Vicki screams that she is cold. Chanel Ayan says she is too pretty to be cold and stays inside. Surprise! There are fireworks, which is what I kind of figured the outdoor surprise was going to be. The women are super excited, despite the cold, and celebrate the pop culture phenomenon they have created in the last twenty years. Without being sentimental, I guess I should give them a shout out, too. They are, after all, the reason this blog exists.
🦖 Coming October 20th to Jurassic Snark!

October 2, 2026

Recaps of The Golden Life will officially begin October 20th!

And until then, keep checking back for current recaps of RHOC, RHOSLC, and RHONY.

There’s always more to excavate at Jurassic Snark! 🦖
RHOC, Season 20, Episode 13–Don’t Look Now!

October 1, 2026

This episode of Vicki is a Downer opens with Emily, Shannon, and Gina out to lunch. They discuss the luau party and how Vicki refuses to apologize to Carmella, or even acknowledge that she insulted her by saying her boyfriend raises her kids. Gina questions Emily about whether she is happy in her marriage, and Emily says there is a disconnect.

Tamra goes for some kind of scan with Vicki, and of course, the Carmella thing comes up. Vicki doesn’t think she said anything wrong, as usual. Vicki asks the doctor if she is at risk for Alzheimer’s, but he sees no sign of that. Vicki is relieved because she doesn’t want anything to slow her down at work.

At Heather’s penthouse, Terry is talking to his mom on the phone. She is quite unhappy where she is living and feels disoriented. She does have Alzheimer’s, and it’s sad. Heather says she feels bad about her own mom, and that her mother really will only have surface-level conversations with her. Heather says her family used to tease her for being emotional, and that has affected her all of her life. She says Terry fills a big void for her, and then she fake chokes up a little bit. She says she and Terry have reparented each other, and it’s all just a little staged and new age for me.

Emily hosts a Persian party at her in-laws’ house. Why does she always host there? I know she says it’s better than hers for entertaining, but her house seems just fine to me. Luke doesn’t come because he can become agitated at events, so he stays at Emily’s actual house, where she does not host parties.

All of the women arrive, and Heather’s mom comes, too. Carmella wants to try to avoid Vicki, even though she is still pissed at her. Heather is, too. Vicki walks right up to them both and is super fake nice and friendly. It turns out Vicki is mad at Tamra because she told the women that Vicki has brain damage, which they kind of, but not really, found out when they were getting their scans. Tamra insists that it is not that deep.

Vicki makes gross fart jokes that she thinks are funny. I don’t. She says she doesn’t want Tamra’s toxic energy in her life, and meanwhile, Tamra comes right out and says Vicki is not a good person. They all agree that Vicki has been talking shit about Heather, too. Vicki starts being a downer, again, and says she is going to leave. Tamra wants to confront her about the silent treatment and tries to help Vicki down the porch stairs. Vicki says she wants to clear things up and that she does not have brain damage. She starts crying and says it is no one’s business, and she feels like she can’t trust Tamra. Does Vicki forget this was filmed? Tamra calls Vicki out for saying she is toxic.

Vicki says the other women talk too much. Vicki goes back to harping on her brain damage and cries some more. Tamra apologizes, and they seem to move on, but I am sure this will come up again. Heather talks to her mom about getting involved in the arts scene in LA. Heather wants to get to a good place with her mom and focus on their time together. Tamra brings up Japan and suggests they all go there together. I love how production makes it seem like these ideas come up on the spur of the moment. It never fails. Did I mention the food looks really good? It’s 8:54 and I haven’t eaten yet. I should work on that.

Later, Jen visits Carmella at an empty house. Not her house—a different empty house.

Carmella tries to teach Jen about being a developer or whatever. She wants Jen, who has no experience, to be like a design consultant. Carmella and Jen discuss how important it is to have their financial independence and not be dependent on a man.

At Emily’s, she and Shane are tense and uncomfortable to watch. As usual. Emily says Luke texted her dozens of times when she was at her Persian party. Shane says he is usually the one running around doing everything. She also thinks that Luke works her with texts and tears. Emily is mad that Shane left the party early and did not come back. Shane is defensive and doesn’t want to talk about it. Emily is worried about them going to Tamra’s couples party that is coming up. She is frustrated that Shane won’t say anything, and he wants gratitude for all that he does with the kids.

At Tamra’s party, one season wonder Elizabeth Vargas shows up. I am so glad she isn’t on the show anymore. Remember her? If you don’t, be glad. She was super annoying. Alexis Bellino and John Janssen are also coming, because the producers are determined to drive Shannon absolutely insane. For real. Holy crap. It’s a whole Housewives reunion, and forgotten dinosaur Quinn Fry is there, being boring, just like the old days. Jeana Keough is there, too.

Jo, from Seasons 1 and 2, is also there, along with Lynne Curtin. Geezus. Everyone knows we are just waiting for Alexis and John to show and give Shannon an aneurysm. Those two really need to get a life. Off of this show. But, then again, they probably need the money. Badly.

Emily reveals that Alexis has been talking about Heather. She was offended by something Heather said on WWHL. Heather said she was unsure if she would go to Alexis’ wedding out of respect for Shannon. I mean, duh. Who would want to go to that wedding anyway? Oh, wait. Tamra went, didn’t she? There you go.

Crazy Ass Braunwyn shows up with her wife. Is she even divorced from her husband yet? Whatever. Even Vicki’s boyfriend, Mike, is there. It’s a full house, and it looks like it’s gonna implode.

Shannon says she doesn’t care about Alexis and John. Annd, here they come, accompanied by dramatic music. Alexis shoots eye daggers at Heather and doesn’t say “hello” to her. Heather rushes over to tell the other women about the snub.

Tamra is, of course, thrilled to see Alexis and John, because she knows they stir up shit. Vicki once again greets Carmella like she never insulted her.

Tamra asks Alexis if she really gave Heather a dirty look. Alexis says she actually blew her a kiss. Alexis starts freaking out, and John Janssen wanders out to be near the other women, including Shannon. Shannon wonders if he rented his tux, and I laugh.

Alexis is totally losing her mind and makes a big show of stomping off. Tamra tells Heather to come talk with Alexis, and that certainly doesn’t seem like a good idea, unless you’re Tamra. Heather tells Alexis to chill the fuck out. Alexis says she doesn’t owe Heather anything, and then they start yelling over each other, and Heather stomps back towards the party.

Oh, well. I was expecting much more of a shit show. So was my husband. These episodes are all show and no go lately.
RHOSLC, Season 7, Episode 3–Little Green Leprechaun, Big Dirty Secret

October 1, 2026

This week, the women of Salt Lake City are headed to San Francisco for some Golden State fun in the sun. Oh, wait. It’s San Francisco. There probably won’t be any sun. But anyway, we start with some opening shots of the women and finally land on Mary, who is still suffering from Robert Jr.’s loss but has managed to keep her sense of humor.

Bronwyn meets Whitney and Ashley Quai for lunch while Angie heads over to Mary’s house with an orchid. Mary says that the women have been a real blessing to her, and she is glad that Angie is there to catch her up on the group. They discuss Robert Sr., and Angie is so impressed by how he has been supporting Mary. Angie says she has gone through hard times in her marriage, but nothing like what Mary and Robert are experiencing.

Angie tells Mary about the new girl, Ashley, and Mary just hopes she is not like Britani. Same, girl, same.

At lunch, Bronwyn says she likes Ashley, but needs to understand how she could be friends with Lisa. Bronwyn admits saying horrible things about Lisa, but says Lisa started it. I am just calling Quai “Ashley” from this point on.

Angie tells Mary a story about Ashley supposedly cleaning her husband’s toothbrush when she was mad at him. Doesn’t everyone do this when they are mad? No comment.

Anyway, I don’t think I much care for Ashley. I am putting her in the Britani category for now, Mary.

Angie says she has heard that hotel maids will sometimes take your toothbrush and stick it up their butt, and that’s a new one for me. I am just gonna have to start taking my toothbrush with me wherever I go. You can’t trust people around those things.

Ashley says that she felt Angie was rude to her by calling her the new girl and thinks Angie should not really have opinions about her. She also says Heather was really nice to her, but then acted crazy at dinner. It frightened Ashley, and she is not sure which version of Heather is the real Heather. Whitney sticks up for Heather and says Ashley can trust her.

Either way, everyone is excited about the trip, but Mary tells Angie she won’t be going, which is totally understandable.

Next up, we see shots of the women packing and getting ready for their trip. They will be away on Saint Patrick’s Day, and Heather is ready for a good time. Angie tells us she is looking forward to the trip because things are not great in her marriage. She and Sean have grown apart and mostly avoid each other. She says that has gone on for a couple of years. Yikes.

At Meredith’s, she is playing with her DJ equipment. Why do all of these women suddenly become DJs, and more importantly, who in the hell is hiring them? Oh, hell. I probably would.

Seth helps her with the equipment, and I can’t stop staring at her wig. What is going on with it? Why is she wearing it? Does she have a mirror? Her nose looks different, too, but maybe it just got moved around during the facelift? I dunno, but something is off there.

She and Seth debate how much attention their grown children need. Meredith says it’s a lot. All of her kids are involved in her businesses, and she loves it. Seth thinks she coddles them.

At the airport, everyone is all set for San Francisco. Bronwyn has been hyping up the Saint Patrick’s Day trip. Whitney arrives dressed like a leprechaun. I don’t know why, but it irritates me. I think I am imagining being stuck on a plane with her in the costume and thinking it would irritate me.

Lisa isn’t into themes, as we know, but she is wearing green. Britani wanders around pinching and filming strangers like a total moron. WHY is she back? None of the women really like her, and I don’t either.

They finally get to San Francisco and there is sun! On the sprinter van, Bronwyn shares that she grew up nearby, and Whitney also lived near San Francisco for some time. Heather says she feels sorry for Todd, who is a cretin, because Bronwyn has taken all of his money and moved on with a model.

Bronwyn gives them their itinerary for the day and everyone is pretty stoked. Bronwyn discusses doing the Oscar red carpet commentary for E!. Lisa chimes in that she has been invited to the Oscars a ton of times, but has never gone. She is so full of shit. She would probably eat her young for an invite to the Oscars, and all of the women know it.

She blabs on and on about being invited to everything, even before she was on Housewives, and it’s catty. Bronwyn dismisses it.

They arrive at a great hotel in a fantastic neighborhood of the city, and I am jealous. My bestie used to live in San Fran, and I spent a whole lot of time there. I miss it.

Meredith’s room doesn’t have a bathtub. Oh, the horror. The eternal horror.

Bronwyn puts together a bunch of things she has themed for Saint Patrick’s Day. Meredith calls her daughter Chloe, and over the phone, she sounds just like Brooks. It’s freaky.

Heather and Whitney go to Bronwyn’s room, and then Angie shows up, too. Heather asks Whitney what Ashley’s take on everyone is, and Whitney says Ashley said she had interesting experiences with both Heather and Angie. She repeats what Ashley said at lunch, as a good little Housewife does.

Heather and Angie are both offended that Ashley got a bad read on them. They think Ashley is just looking for trouble. Angie brings up the damn toothbrush again. Whitney cannot believe Angie repeated that, as Whitney told her the story in confidence.

Suddenly, Heather and Angie are very anti-Ashley. Whitney is pissed at Angie. It’s gonna be a whale of a trip.

The women all don their best green-themed outfits and head out on the town. They have their own private trolley to take them around town, and it’s awesome. It puts Heather in the mood for Rice-a-Roni. Me, too, kinda.

Britani babbles and Lisa shuts her down. I enjoy it.

Angie gives everyone a toothbrush and I DIE. When did she buy them? This is great. She flat out confronts Ashley with the toothbrush story, and Ashley is dumbfounded—and pissed at Whitney. Ashley does admit she did it, though, and maybe I dislike her a little bit less.

Lisa asks about the condition of the toilet when Ashley cleaned it with her husband’s toothbrush. Lisa says she loves Ashley because she owns her shit.

Angie is still harping on it. She really blows things out of proportion. Always. Heather joins in because she also doesn’t like Ashley. They all start yelling over each other.

Cool trolley trip officially ruined. It may as well be a sprinter van. So much for the Rice-a-Roni.

Ashley swears that she never called Heather “diabolical,” and suddenly Whitney is doubting her own memory and thinks she may have gotten it wrong.

Whitney finally admits that she may have been wrong about what Ashley said. Way to go, Whitney.

Bronwyn tells Ashley that she does not appreciate Ashley yelling at her when she has been there like seven minutes.

They finally hit the first bar, and I realize these bitches aren’t even drunk yet. Christ. They all start pounding Guinness, and no good can come from this. They haven’t even had dinner yet.

Lisa tells us she is Team Ashley and hates how the women gang up on her.

Bronwyn takes a stranger’s cigarette on the street, and suddenly I like her so much more.

On the way to dinner, Ashley cries, and Meredith and Lisa try to comfort her. Ashley blames Whitney for the whole Diabolical Debacle and, duh. Most of the women are over Ashley, and she literally just got here.

She is off to a great start!

Read the Recaps of Episodes 1 and 2 here!

RHOSLC, Season 7, Episode 1–Premiere

RHOSLC, Season 7, Episode 2