Jurassic Snark: A Place to Excavate The Real Housewives

RHOC, Season 12, Episode 17–A Case of the Vickis: The Iceland Trip Part 1

August 19, 2026

The episode begins in Iceland at 9:15 p.m., with the sun shining brightly, because apparently Iceland has decided that nighttime is optional.

Vicki, who always manages to hurt herself on Housewives trips, is sick. Medics are rushing in to care for her, the women are concerned, and Peggy—why is she still here?—is hovering.

Peggy keeps telling the doctors and EMS workers to do their jobs and check Vicki for a fever, while simultaneously getting directly in the way of them doing their jobs. Literally, she will not shut up.

Tamra comes in to see what’s wrong. Vicki says she feels like her heart is racing. Peggy announces that there are too many people in the room.

Yeah. Like you!

Kelly comes in and finally tells Peggy to get the hell out of the way. She thinks Vicki is just having anxiety. Shannon dismisses it as palpitations, which she also experiences.

No one can figure out what Peggy is doing there.

The doctors eventually tell the women that they will not continue treating Vicki unless everyone gets out of the way. Peggy still won’t shut up.

Lydia wants to pray again.

Peggy says she wants to “nurture” Vicki, so naturally she continues hovering outside Vicki’s door and refuses to move. The women don’t understand Peggy’s reaction. Vicki is, after all, with a doctor.

EMS decides to take Vicki to the hospital because her blood pressure is high. Kelly is getting increasingly irritated with Peggy, and so am I. Peggy keeps telling Kelly to leave Vicki alone while simultaneously refusing to get out of everyone’s way.

Eventually, Vicki comes out of her room on a gurney with a robe draped over her face.

LMAO.

Only Vicki.

We get flashbacks of Vicki drinking over the last three days, and the women start wondering if she is simply exhausted. Everyone keeps reassuring Vicki that she is going to be fine.

Then Kelly pipes up with, “We don’t know if you will be fine, Vicki. You could totally have a heart attack.”

OMG.

I do love Kelly when she isn’t being political. She is something else.

Vicki goes to the hospital, and all of the other women agree that they need to eat.

Except Peggy.

Peggy is sulking because she thinks everyone is more interested in eating and drinking than they are in Vicki. Perhaps. But Kelly announces that she is going to dinner and will go to the hospital immediately afterward, so there goes Peggy’s theory.

Lydia wants to leave for the hospital right away, but Kelly needs her food. They eventually agree to go in rotations. Even Lydia thinks Megan and Kelly are being insensitive.

I think they’re just hungry.

Lydia heads to the hospital while the other women stay at dinner. Shannon needs vodka. STAT.

Peggy calls Diko and is extremely dramatic about everything. Diko is supportive, but tells her to go to the hospital right away.

Peggy always does what Diko says, so she heads over to tell the women that she’s leaving for the hospital.

At 11 p.m., it is finally dark in Iceland, and the other women are finally getting their food. They toast Vicki, and Shannon mumbles a “what a shame” about the whole thing.

LOL. Such sympathy.

Kelly keeps eating and insists that they will take shifts going to the hospital. Vicki and Shannon are barely even speaking to her at this point, so I don’t know why she is so concerned about taking shifts, but okay.

Megan asks Kelly to go check on Peggy, and it is a resounding NO.

Oh, Christ. Here comes Peggy.

Peggy is pissed that Lydia went to the hospital before her. Kelly explains that they are taking shifts.

LOL.

Peggy is sulky and annoying.

Peggy says she has to go because Diko told her to, and she respects her husband.

Kelly is officially over Peggy.

And when Kelly is over you, you better watch out.

Vicki and Lydia call from the hospital with an update, and the women warn Vicki that Peggy is on her way.

They all agree to bring Vicki a casserole, just like she wanted when Brooks was faking cancer.

Aww.

Lydia, Peggy, and Vicki eventually leave the hospital, and Vicki says her blood pressure was elevated, but now she has some medication and is good to go.

Meaning, she is going to rip that robe off her face and whoop it up!

They arrive back at the hotel at 12:45 a.m., and they are SO LOUD. I wonder what the actual hotel guests think is happening.

The women present Vicki with the casserole, and she is appropriately touched.

And hungry.

Vicki is also thirsty, so naturally, the women start drinking.

Because what else would you do after spending the evening in the hospital?

Suddenly, it is 1:45 a.m. and everyone is smashed, except Buzzkill Peggy.

Shannon finds it interesting that Vicki is drinking immediately after being in the hospital.

Meanwhile, Vicki and Tamra start to reconnect after a year of fighting following last season’s Ireland trip. They talk things out and begin working through their issues while Shannon looks on, whispering to Megan that Vicki is a terrible person and will hurt Tamra again.

Shannon doesn’t like sharing her bestie, methinks.

By 2:00 a.m., Tamra wants an apology from Vicki, and suddenly everyone except Megan is yelling.

Oh, my goodness.

Go to sleep.

These women never know when to call it a night.

Tamra and Vicki argue over who has hurt whom the most,, I would say it’s a draw. But anyway, Vicki still doesn’t understand that repeating a rumor is the same thing as spreading it.

Vicki is oblivious to the world.

Peggy is looking on, and I honestly didn’t even realize she was still in the room.

Why is she so creepy and annoying?

Vicki eventually apologizes, and she and Tamra make up.

Again.

For now.

Meanwhile, Shannon is sick to her stomach. Shannon is such a buttinsky. Her whispering to Megan is also getting increasingly creepy and manipulative. She tells Vicki that she hurts Tamra every week.

Shannon is a bitter Betty.

Shannon clearly does not want Tamra and Vicki to make up, and the second Vicki leaves the room to call Steve, Shannon gets right back in Tamra’s ear.

At this point, it must be around 3:00 a.m., and nobody is going to sleep except Megan’s baby.

These women have been traveling, drinking, fighting, going to the hospital, making up, and fighting again for what feels like an entire week, and somehow they are still going.

Shannon is determined to make sure Tamra doesn’t get too comfortable with Vicki again.

The next day, these crazies are up bright and early for a day of shopping.

I don’t know how they do it.

Shannon admits she is too tired and is going to stay at the hotel. That’s my kind of girl. Especially after a night like that.

Kelly is exhausted and reveals that she didn’t go to bed until 6:00 a.m. They all agree that the night before was a shit show.

We also get footage of Peggy and Kelly really going at it. Peggy tells Kelly, “Have your husband call my husband,” and Kelly responds, “Yeah, have your daddy call my daddy.”

Peggy takes this extremely personally because her father is deceased.

I don’t think Kelly meant it that way. I think she was trying to get Peggy to shut up and go away while also pointing out how ridiculous the whole situation was.

As we know, Kelly is not exactly careful with her words.

Meanwhile, Tamra realizes that she peed herself the night before.

She is still wearing the pants.

Lovely.

Peggy won’t come out of her room. She won’t even answer when the women knock.

Tamra starts wondering if Peggy actually went home.

Tamra and Vicki resort to yodeling outside her room for a bit, but Peggy still doesn’t come out.

Peggy is officially the Kelly Bensimon of this trip.

Major fun sponge.

They all agree to stick with their shopping plans and leave Peggy behind for a timeout.

We get flashbacks of Peggy being annoying, particularly toward Kelly. Kelly feels triggered.

Uh oh.

A triggered Kelly is a scary Kelly.

See Ireland.

The little town they visit is beautiful, and somehow everyone is having a great time without Peggy, even on approximately two hours of sleep. They decide to buy Peggy a hat.

Vicki and Shannon are getting along, which is nice to see. Lydia wants to pray about it or some shit. Shannon says she is just being polite, but admits that she is actually having a good time.

Lydia wants Shannon to move forward.

Um.

Shannon doesn’t do that.

By 3:00 p.m., they are back at the hotel and want to give Peggy her hat. This bitch is still locked in her room and still won’t answer anyone.

She is acting like a two-year-old.

Just go home if you are that miserable.

Peggy tells us that the night before was one of the worst experiences of her life and that Kelly insulted her while the other women laughed. She calls them “creatures” and says she doesn’t want to be around them.

She finally tells the women that she is fine, but that she wants some time to herself.

They give up.

The rest of this trip should be fun.

Hopefully, the ladies can stay out of the hospital.
RHOBH, Season 2, Episode 14–Malibu Beach Party from Hell: The Cat Meme Scene

August 18, 2026

In Beverly Hills, we start at Lisa Vanderpump’s house, where they are preparing for Pandora’s wedding and testing out different place settings. Lisa has a very clear picture of what she wants, and naturally, everything looks beautiful.

Kyle visits Paul’s plastic surgery office with her mother-in-law, Estelle, who is recovering from her facelift six weeks ago. She looks great. Kyle says she thinks plastic surgery is a personal choice and kind of acts like she doesn’t partake. Who is she fooling?

Adrienne and Brandi meet for lunch, back when these two were still friends—before Surrogate-Gate. They want bite-sized pizza, which is so Beverly Hills it hurts. Brandi wants to host a party for the girls and is planning to use her friend’s Malibu beach house for a wine tasting with some belly dancers. Adrienne thinks it sounds fun and different.

Over at Kyle’s, she is making margaritas for a Cinco de Mayo party with Faye Resnick. Blech. Her mother-in-law will also be debuting her new face. Portia is adorable and completely confused. Kyle makes dumb jokes at dinner. She thinks she is hilarious. She really isn’t. I am pretty neutral on Kyle, but my husband can’t stand her.

We cut to Lisa, who is getting ready to open the lounge at SUR. This is before Vanderpump Rules, but clearly the setup for the upcoming spin-off.

Adrienne is at her house showing Paul samples from her shoe line. This is the line that will lead to a big conflict later this season, so stay tuned. Adrienne is getting ready for Brandi’s party and fighting with Paul about who will walk the dog. She is always fighting with Paul.

Kim does some laundry. She is not going to the party. She still thinks Brandi is a “slut pig,” remember? This is when Kim still hates Brandi, long before she cries that Brandi is like a sister to her. Hmm. It’s fun looking back at this stuff knowing where everyone eventually ends up.

Camille, on her way to the party, is apprehensive about seeing Taylor after the tea party blowup, where Camille revealed that Taylor had told the women her husband was abusing her. We cut to Taylor getting ready for the party, and she is stressed, too. She doesn’t even want an apology. She doesn’t want to see Camille, but she is about to.

Taylor and Kyle head to the party together, and it is a long drive to Malibu. Luckily, they have champagne. Taylor dives right in. She is furious and grossed out that Camille revealed her abuse. Kyle doesn’t know what to think, but she believes Taylor is afraid Russell will hurt her when he hears what Camille said.

Camille says she has reached out to Taylor a couple of times, but Taylor is ignoring her. Meanwhile, Taylor is getting more and more buzzed and worked up during the limo ride, which does not exactly bode well for the evening.

Camille arrives first, and Brandi shows her around the house. Brandi’s wine is flowing, but not nearly as quickly as Taylor’s champagne.

Taylor and Kyle finally arrive, and Camille greets Taylor with an “I am sorry” and a hug. Taylor is distant and tells us she isn’t feeling it. She goes straight for a drink.

Brandi is also drunkish, but she is still fun, pretty Brandi from Season 2, and I love her. Kyle, meanwhile, makes fun of Brandi’s outfit—more specifically, her nipples. Kyle is mean. Brandi knows the women are talking about her, so naturally, she has another glass of wine.

One of Brandi’s friends comes out to teach the women how to belly dance. It looks fun. Kyle is obnoxious about it. She turns it into a joke, starts freestyling, and does her stupid splits. Is there any floor in Beverly Hills that she hasn’t pressed her vagina against? Brandi says Kyle likes attention, and she is absolutely right.

Meanwhile, Kyle is still completely focused on Brandi’s nipples, and honestly, it is repulsive.

Taylor is finding it hard to avoid Camille, so she steps outside by herself. Kyle is obnoxious again, because apparently she cannot help herself. Taylor eventually comes back inside, but she says she is not okay.

She starts talking about people she cannot trust, with Camille within earshot. Camille’s friend jumps in and says Taylor is being unfair. She confronts Taylor, who just wants to be left alone. Camille’s friend is super aggressive and wants Taylor and Camille to talk, but Taylor feels that Camille has put her child in danger by exposing her secret.

And this is where the party really starts to go off the rails. Taylor is clearly terrified and overwhelmed, while Camille’s friend seems determined to force a confrontation that Taylor absolutely does not want.

Camille’s friend keeps pushing, and Taylor finally snaps. She aggressively points at Camille and says, “You! Outside.” As if Camille is a cocker spaniel. Taylor is really worked up, and Camille’s friend is making things much worse. Camille looks completely perplexed as Taylor keeps yelling.

Then, Linda Thompson, of Elvis fame, is there. WTF? Camille’s friend will not shut up. Taylor gets dangerously close to the edge—literally—of the oceanside deck. Camille’s friend comes after her again, and Kyle tells her to get away from Taylor. For real.

Linda Thompson starts yapping about the beauty of the ocean and eternity, and nobody is listening. Not in this group. Taylor wants to speak with Camille alone, but, oh, fuck me, Camille’s friend is back and yelling at Taylor.

And then we get the moment that launched a thousand memes. Taylor points her finger and screams, “You have no idea what she has done to me!”

Brandi has had it. She tells Taylor it is time for her to leave. Taylor is shrieking, “It’s not fair!” Kyle and Taylor are pissed at Brandi, and suddenly hands are flying. Kyle tells Brandi, “Don’t ever touch me like that again.”

Linda Thompson says they should all behave like the evolved species they are. Oh, honey.

Camille’s friend still will not shut up, but thankfully, Kyle is getting Taylor out of there. Taylor completely breaks down in the car. All is not well here. As we now know. It’s really bad.
RHONJ Season 9, Episode 14–Heroines in Heels: Jennifer Aydin Goes Batshit Part 3

August 18, 2026

We pick up with the smash-up at the Cabo dinner, and Jennifer is still holding the broken glass like she’s about to reenact the Jersey version of Die Hard.

Melissa assures her she has the wrong fucking girl. Jennifer is acting completely unhinged, while Dolores says Jennifer should get her ass kicked for breaking a glass like that.

Jennifer starts walking up on Dolores, and a very wise Danielle says, “Don’t go there with Dolores.”

For real. Patterson Dolores is not the one.

Dolores knows when she’s been triggered, and she also knows when it’s time to walk away before she does something she’ll regret. That kind of self-awareness is a rare breed in the Housewives universe.

Teresa goes after Melissa, who has left the table, and Dolores joins them, confirming what everyone already knows: Jennifer is completely out of control.

Teresa claims she didn’t see Jennifer break the glass or point it at Melissa. Teresa misses everything. It’s honestly a gift.

Dolores finds Margaret and Jackie and fills them in on what happened after they left. Melissa says Jennifer better stay the fuck away from her.

Teresa eventually questions Jennifer, who has come down from her scary trance and suddenly can’t explain why she broke the glass in the first place.

At this point, everyone agrees the night is over. They’re also all very happy they’re leaving Cabo tomorrow.

Nothing says successful group vacation like everyone counting down the hours until they can escape.

Melissa, Jackie, and Marge order room service because, once again, another dinner has been ruined. Apparently Cabo has become an all-inclusive resort with one very exclusive amenity: no one gets to finish a meal.

Melissa is too irritated to eat and calls Teresa to meet downstairs because she wants to talk.

Teresa blames Margaret for all the fighting on the trip. Melissa blames Danielle. At this point, everyone has their own designated villain.

Melissa questions Teresa’s sudden hatred of Margaret. Teresa says it’s because of all the nasty things Margaret says, particularly about Jennifer’s marriage.

Teresa knows how those kinds of rumors feel.

They are finally back in the Garden State.

We start with Margaret and her mom, Marge Sr. Margaret says her head is still spinning from the trip, but she needs to focus on arranging the gala for her hospital gown line for kids.

I know. I know. It’s a great cause. But coming off that Cabo insanity, this is boring as hell.

Margaret says the women all took separate flights home. That’s how bad things had gotten. They have the gala and Jennifer’s anniversary party to look forward to, so I guess they’ll all see each other there.

Over at the Gorgas, Melissa made Joe a sandwich. I have been married to two Italian men, and let me tell you, they love when you make them a sandwich.

Jennifer is home with her kids, who are all very cute. There are just so very many of them.

Bill is late for dinner again, and the kids miss him. They’re thrilled when he finally comes home, but he immediately goes to work in his office. Not the pool house, mind you.

Jennifer is embarrassed to tell him what went down in Cabo, and I would be, too.

She went possessed.

We also see Melissa reenacting the Cabo dinner for Joe, and he is stunned. Not exactly shocked that Danielle caused a problem, though. He thinks Danielle is trouble. And poison.

Joe calls her the Black Widow of New Jersey.

Bill is appalled that Jennifer threatened Melissa with the broken glass. This is a respected doctor, mind you, and Paramus is a small town. They better watch it.

Jennifer admits that she owes Dolores and Melissa an apology and hopes they’ll accept it.

Dolores and Frank meet up to wash their cars, and I love them together. Frank asks if he’s holding Dolores back from moving forward with another relationship. She says she doesn’t know. She went straight from her mother’s house to being married and then becoming a mom. She’s never really had to think about herself before, and Frank is her safe place.

Frank tells her he always will be and that he’ll step aside if that’s ever what she needs.

It’s sweet, and it actually seems sincere.

Marge meets Teresa for lunch, and Teresa is so blond. I don’t love it.

They dive right into the disastrous Cabo dinner. Margaret doesn’t understand Teresa’s attitude toward her. Teresa says it’s because of the things Margaret says about other people’s marriages and families. She also doesn’t like how quickly Margaret dropped Danielle as a friend.

Margaret explains herself and says Danielle sabotages relationships. We get flashbacks of Danielle doing exactly that over the years, because apparently Bravo has the receipts.

Teresa and Margaret agree that Teresa doesn’t have to choose sides, and just like that, they move on.

At Jackie’s, her kids are fighting, and one of them may actually be bleeding. So, naturally, Jackie starts reflecting on all the fighting in Cabo.

It gets her thinking about her sister, whom she hasn’t spoken to in fifteen years.

I don’t care.

Jackie calls her sister. It goes well. They agree to meet up sometime.

I still don’t care.

It’s the day of Margaret’s charity gala, and the venue looks nice in a garish, Jersey kinda way.

Margaret is hoping the event will bring her ex-husband and stepson together after a long estrangement.

I really don’t think people care that much.

Jersey keeps trying to make Margaret’s family storyline happen, but there just isn’t enough there to make it interesting. I’m sure it’s meaningful to her, but watching it? I’m waiting for someone to throw a drink.

We see Melissa at Envy, her boutique. Jackie comes by and tells Melissa that she reached out to her sister.

Yawn.

I literally sighed out loud.

Melissa wants to be a role model for her daughter, Antonia, and feels like Joe puts her down when it comes to her business.

He does.

Jackie tells her to nip that shit in the bud, and I agree.

Margaret’s party is about to start, and there is food everywhere. I wonder if anyone will actually get a chance to eat at this event. They usually don’t.

Oh, they do.

It actually goes really well, and everyone, including Jennifer, behaves themselves. Jennifer sticks to drinking water for the evening, which is probably a wise choice.

Jennifer seeks out Melissa and Dolores to apologize. Dolores is definitely the more receptive of the two. She tells Jennifer that breaking the glass was unacceptable and that it made her snap.

Jennifer gets it and admits she started it. They leave it at that.

Jennifer still has Melissa to tackle, and she is dreading it.

Melissa wants assurance that Jen is sober before she’ll speak to her. Jennifer admits she was wrong in Cabo. Melissa is still pretty pissed, but she’s glad Jennifer apologized.

She warns Jen never to threaten her again.

We shall see, shan’t we?
RHONY Season 9, Episode 18: Make Out, Make Up: Bethenny’s Tequila Trip, Part 3

August 18, 2026

We pick up with Sonja still pestering Ramona about how miserable she is. The women are all wasted, but Sonja is on another level. Ramona just wants her to leave her alone. She admits she misses being married but denies being miserable. Sonja moves on and goes for another margarita.

Tinsley hasn’t really seen Sonja drunk before and is in shock. Sonja tells Ramona she should trade her ass for her face because her ass looks better than that mess of a face. LMAO.

Then Sonja starts looking for Luann because she wants to have sex with her, and holy shit, I haven’t been this drunk since I got my last tattoo.

Sonja says Luann is no fun now that she is married. I beg to differ. Please see the tumble in the bushes. Luann is fun and then some.

Sonja is all over the place and trying to make out with everyone. No one seems even remotely phased. This must be old hat.

Oh, and Bethenny is naked. Who asked for that? Ramona says her boobs are better. Tinsley says hers are cute and staying covered. Praise the Lordt.

Sonja starts chugging margaritas right out of the pitcher, and then she is naked, too. Dorinda doesn’t love it. She is not a naked person. Me either.

Ramona and a naked Bethenny are in the pool with their pool noodles having a heart-to-heart about their years of miserable friendship. Bethenny is messy and crying. Her diamond earrings are huge. So are her boobs.

Now Ramona is crying. She isn’t naked, though. She finally cops to being a miserable person and a bad friend.

Dorinda tries to dress Sonja and describes it like trying to get a bikini on a piece of spaghetti.

LOL.

Bethenny is still so naked and still so messy. Someone needs to tell her to GO TO SLEEP.

Ramona crying is super annoying. They have naked, wet hugs, and I wonder when these women will finally call it a night. It’s really been a day.

Oh, shit. They haven’t even had dinner yet!

This is gonna be something to see.

Bethenny realizes she is naked and wraps herself in a towel. Sonja is wearing her bathing suit and rolling around in drunken bliss. Bethenny kisses her. Sonja wants sex.

Everyone should really be sleeping. This is a lot.

Bethenny is the first one at dinner again, and she is pissed. She wants to be sleeping. She starts storming through the halls and yelling for everyone to move faster.

A drunk, tired Dorinda does not like this. She tells Bethenny to stop being so crazed. They are on vacation time! Bethenny is cranky and would much rather be napping. Like I said, everyone should be.

Dorinda says Bethenny scared her by yelling down the hallway. Bethenny, who is a big grumpy pants like me after a day of drinking, says that’s all an act, and Dorinda takes offense. Her arms start flying, and she tells Bethenny to stop.

Bethenny and Tinsley mock her wild gestures. Dorinda is so drunk and so mad.

Oh, my God. There is blood.

Dorinda grabs a knife and plunges it into the table, cutting her hand in the process. It is SO time for bed, but instead we have a calm Bethenny helping Dorinda clean her wounds.

Drunk Dorinda plays therapist and tells Bethenny she needs to relax and stop being so perfect all the time. Bethenny wants no part of it.

The women are trickling into dinner, and Dorinda is still going on about how Bethenny tries to be superhuman. Thank you, Dr. Tequila.

Dorinda is so drunk, and Bethenny can’t handle her grand proclamations. Sonja is passed out and doesn’t make it to dinner at all. I can’t day drink either. Not anymore.

I just noticed Luann is missing, too. Is she in a bush somewhere? Oh, God, I hope so.

They go to watch fireworks, and Dorinda is still going on with her Dr. Tequila act. She says Bethenny just thinks she is special because of Skinnygirl, and Bethenny immediately thinks that Dorinda resents her success.

They storm away from each other.

Advice: go immediately to bed after drinking all day. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. Just GO TO SLEEP.

It is finally the next morning, and everyone is up and ready for yoga. These women are true Olympians.

Luann wants to be filled in on dinner, so Ramona gives her the rundown. Dorinda comes into the kitchen looking a little worse for wear and pretty uncomfortable. Clearly, she remembers her fight with Bethenny, but says they are great.

Bethenny doesn’t seem to agree. She thinks Dorinda is backpedaling on all the nasty things she said. Dorinda feels rebuffed by Bethenny.

Bethenny calls her dramatic for the bit with the knife, and they start arguing about who is a better friend. Bethenny says Dorinda has a nasty side, and boy, does she.

Dorinda goes to her room, and Carole goes in to comfort her. Dorinda feels terrible about the fight with Bethenny but doesn’t know what to say. She certainly didn’t get off to a great start with Bethenny in the kitchen, and now she’s regretting how aggressive she can be. Dorinda breaks down crying as she admits she wishes she could handle things differently.

Meanwhile, Bethenny is also upset and tries to clear her head at yoga. Sonja, naturally, has her own way of dealing with the stress. She FaceTimes her fake French boyfriend and gives him a little glimpse of her ass.

At breakfast, the women admit they’re completely exhausted after everything that’s happened. Dorinda decides it’s time to talk to Bethenny and pulls her aside. She gives her a sincere apology for the way she acted, and Bethenny accepts it. She explains that she’s particularly sensitive when she feels like people resent her success, which helps explain why the argument hit such a nerve.

After breakfast, Carole, Tinsley, and Ramona head out for a day of fishing, while the rest of the women stay behind for manicures and massages. They definitely got the better end of that deal.

Out on the boat, Ramona immediately starts flirting with the captain, sticking her tits out and shamelessly trying to get his attention. Ramona is gross.

Back at the house, Sonja and Bethenny gossip about Tinsley’s relationship. Tinsley reveals that she’s already planning another trip to see her boyfriend, and Sonja starts worrying that the relationship is moving way too quickly.

Tinsley, however, isn’t worried at all. She’s ready to get married, and she seems completely convinced that this relationship is headed straight for the altar.

Tinsley reveals that she’s planning a party to thank Sonja for letting her stay with her. I’ve let people stay with me before. Never got a party out of it. Just saying.

Meanwhile, the fishing trip is a complete bust. None of them catch a single fish, so they decide to buy one, pretend they caught it, and bring it back to the house for dinner. The women return with their fake catch, and nobody seems to care all that much. They spend a little time at the pool before getting ready for their final night in Mexico.

At dinner, the women play a game of “Rose and Thorn,” where everyone has to name the best and worst part of the trip. Luann completely fucks it up by announcing that her husband, Tom, is her rose. Everyone gags. Please, don’t make it about Tom.

A tipsy Tinsley tells Bethenny how baller the helicopters were during their tour, but she can’t stop saying “fuck.” The Countess eventually has enough and tells Tinsley to stop cursing in the restaurant and, specifically, to stop saying “fuck” so much.

Tinsley then points out that Luann is always talking about Palm Beach when Tom is actually from West Palm Beach. Trust me, in their circles, this is an important distinction. It matters.

Luann fires back that Tinsley has to stay with her mother in Palm Beach and doesn’t even have a home of her own. And, well, she’s not wrong. But Luann is still being completely insufferable about it.

Boy, I just did five recaps today. All Jersey and New York. I want to eat a strip steak and flip a table. Or have some tequila. Either way, I feel like I have a hangover.