Judging by the title of the next episode, I have been spelling Faye Resnick’s name wrong in earlier recaps. Oh, well. I don’t like her anyway.
I actually once saw Faye at a Beverly Hills restaurant that shall not be named. She looks like an animatronic from Disney World. Only her eyes move.
Anyhow, let’s dig into this wild episode of Beverly Hills.
It opens with Kyle and Mauricio, whose house has been egged. Mauricio says he’s so upset about it, but he seems pretty blasé considering someone just pelted his house with eggs. He calls Alexia outside to see the damage and SURPRISE—they’ve bought her a brand-new white Mercedes.
She’s like sixteen.
Alexia is completely blown away, and it really is a nice family moment, even if I’m a little jealous that a teenager is getting a Mercedes while I’m over here trying to justify my life choices.
Next, we have Brandi having lunch with her book agents. I read her first book, and it was funny and cute, kind of like Brandi used to be.
Brandi is excited about her book deal and feels that the other women, minus Lisa Vanderpump, haven’t been very supportive of her. She seems genuinely happy about the opportunity, and I can understand why she would be disappointed that the other women aren’t exactly lining up to congratulate her.
Then we have Lisa Vanderpump dealing with some crap involving her servers at SUR. This is probably interesting if you watch Vanderpump Rules, but I don’t, so it isn’t.
It is a little neat for me because I have actually been to SUR. It’s a very cool restaurant, and the prices aren’t bad considering you’re in Beverly Hills. But watching Lisa deal with all the drama makes me wonder what those servers are getting up to in the back, if you know what I mean.
While we were at SUR, we had a very nice server who waited on us, got us our drinks, and then asked us to excuse her because she had to film her “coming to work” scene. We then watched them shoot it four or five times.
It was VERY Los Angeles.
But I digress, as I often do. Back to the recap of this Jurassic fossil.
We cut to Brandi, who is getting ready to do a tasting with the ladies at SUR. Basically, Season 3 of this show is one big lead-in to Vanderpump Rules, so we see A LOT of SUR this season.
Brandi calls Lisa to make sure she won’t have Brandi’s ex-husband’s mistress working that night.
Beverly Hills sure is a small town.
Back at, you guessed it, SUR, Lisa is interacting with the Vanderpump Rules cast and getting ready for her guests. Lisa tells us that Ken is having his hip replaced the next day.
But tonight, he is at a party.
Like, what?
I would be freaking out, but that’s me.
Everyone arrives and they do the double-kiss thing. I can’t stand being touched once, so this two-kiss thing makes me cringe. But when in Beverly Hills, right?
They sit down to dinner and Lisa immediately pries into Kim’s sobriety and asks if she feels like she will relapse. It’s awfully personal for a dinner party.
Kim says certain people, like Kyle, still cause her stress. Kyle says she is proud of Kim, and they all agree to drink to that!
Um.
Awkward.
Adrienne isn’t there because she had something else to do, so Brandi immediately starts making fun of her.
Kyle asks Brandi what has gone down between her and Adrienne.
Remember this.
Kyle starts this conversation.
Brandi says a lot of things have happened, but that mainly, she feels like Adrienne is fake and a liar. Then she drops a bomb on the table, but the whole thing is cut out and we only see everyone’s reactions.
Later, of course, we will find out what Brandi revealed: Adrienne’s children were carried by a surrogate, something Adrienne had apparently chosen not to disclose publicly.
Maybe because she thought it was no one’s business?
This bombshell, such as it is, becomes a huge theme for the rest of the season, without anyone directly addressing what Brandi actually said because Adrienne threatened to sue Bravo if they revealed it.
It was a huge mess that ultimately led to Adrienne’s firing, and we are digging up the foundation here.
After dinner, Kim pulls Taylor aside to discuss Brandi’s revelation. They agree that Brandi has gone too far and that this is really bad. Adrienne is super protective of her family, and this shit is going to explode.
At Adrienne and Paul’s house, they are blissfully unaware of the bomb that has just been dropped and are hosting a family barbecue and bickering.
Kyle is preparing for a party celebrating Mauricio’s new venture, The Agency. It’s one of the company’s first big events, and it’s being held on a gorgeous rooftop. Everything looks great, and Mauricio is in full sales mode, hitting up Camille and showing her some investment opportunities in the building.
Lisa Vanderpump can’t make it, so instead we see her at the hospital for Ken’s surgery. They joke around a lot, but both admit they are rather nervous about it.
Ken makes it through surgery well, of course, and all is fine.
Back at the party, everyone is looking fabulous and having a good time when Paul and Adrienne arrive. Brandi tries to avoid them.
Kim pulls Adrienne and Paul aside and, uh oh, here we go.
She tells them what Brandi said at SUR. I can’t help wondering if this is on purpose to ruin Kyle’s event. Kim and Kyle have many bitter resentments, and this seems like Kim’s way of getting back at her sister for all the times that she has embarrassed her.
Everyone is watching this exchange like it is an asteroid approaching the event.
Paul is PISSED. He says the comments were completely defamatory, and Adrienne says she is going to get slapped with a big fat lawsuit.
Paul tells Adrienne, “You better let me do something, otherwise, we are leaving,” and it’s clear that he means it.
They say they are leaving, and Mauricio asks why. Paul very loudly says, “We just heard that comments that bitch made,” making it pretty obvious that he is talking about Brandi.
He approaches Brandi directly and tells her she doesn’t even know what he wants to do right now. To me, it seems like he means something physical, and Brandi seems to understand it that way, too.
Then Paul calls her a bitch.
Twice.
They are soon in each other’s faces, screaming, while everyone else stands around watching this disaster unfold.
Kyle can’t believe that Kim has set this whole thing off.
Well, actually, Kyle, you brought it up at the dinner!
Adrienne and Brandi go back and forth calling each other liars, while Paul calls Brandi a “piece of shit.”
So much for Mauricio’s classy rooftop business event.
Brandi calls Adrienne a “bitch,” and Paul gets even more heated. He moves closer to her and demands, “You call my wife a bitch?!”
I like a man who sticks up for his wife, but this is ugly. He accuses Brandi of wanting to hit him, although from where I’m sitting, it seems more like the threat is coming from the other direction.
Adrienne and Paul storm out, and Taylor immediately makes it about her, saying that seeing that kind of anger frightens her. That’s understandable, but I can’t help feeling like she also wants some attention.
Adrienne warns Kyle to watch what is going to happen.
And just like that, Kyle’s event is ruined, Kim has gotten some satisfaction, and Paul has officially lost his shit.
Jurassic Snark: A Place to Excavate The Real Housewives 