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RHONJ, Season 9, Episode 8–Bridezilla of Bimini: Danielle’s Wedding

August 19, 2026

So, I have been doing a lot of recaps by request lately, and it has been a lot of fun, so please keep emailing them or putting your requests in the comments. Today, I am being a little selfish and tackling one of my personal favorite Jersey episodes. I will tell you why as we go.

Let’s begin, shall we?

We jump right in to Bimini, in the Bahamas. Melissa, Joe Gorga, Teresa, Joe B., and Marge are there for Danielle’s wedding.

Melissa and Joe Gorga lie in the sun for a bit, and Melissa is getting ready for a bridesmaid photo shoot that Danielle has demanded. Joe Gorga thinks Marty, Danielle’s fiancé, is in for a real ride. They discuss Danielle badmouthing Marty’s kids at dinner the night before, and neither of them is particularly impressed.

Marge, meanwhile, is pissy about the bride-squad photos. She is not in the same shape as the other women and feels self-conscious about it.

I would, too. I wouldn’t want to do this photo shoot at all. Being a bridesmaid sucks. I am glad those days are over.

Teresa calls Dolores back home and fills her in on the drama so far, including the whole situation with Marty’s kids. Dolores is glad she isn’t there.

Dolores then tells Teresa that Jackie asked her to lunch to discuss Teresa. Jackie and Teresa did not get off to a good start, and apparently, that is still very much an issue.

The women head off to the photo shoot, and Danielle is already mad that some of them are running late. Danielle’s daughters are really beautiful, although they don’t say much.

Marge is still self-conscious about the bathing suit photographs, while the water in Bimini looks absolutely gorgeous. Danielle, naturally, is bitching. No one is putting her first. She is particularly annoyed that Marge won’t take her pants off.

The whole thing is ridiculous.

I would never take part in this. But then again, I am kind of a buzzkill.

Teresa and Melissa, however, are team players. They literally jump when Danielle says to jump, and Danielle actually manages to crack a couple of smiles for the photos.

Joe Gorga, Marty, and Joe B. hang out together, and we are about to get some of my favorite scenes. My husband loves them, too, and believe it or not, he can actually get sick of my Housewives digs.

The women have lunch after the photo shoot, and Danielle is still pretty grumpy pants. They gossip a little about Jackie, including her comment a couple of episodes ago that if Teresa could control Joe Giudice, he wouldn’t be in jail. Teresa thinks it took nerve and was a low blow.

Teresa doesn’t get analogies. Remember?

Back with the guys, they head out for conch, which I absolutely love. I want to be on this outing.

Joe Gorga and Joe B. start breaking Marty’s balls, saying Danielle has him whipped before they are even married. Marty insists he can’t help it. Danielle is just so hot.

That’s a loyal man right there.

Or a whipped one.

They are really ragging on Marty now, and he is starting to steam. The Joes are having the absolute best time. It’s great.

Joe B. goes especially hard, and Marty says he doesn’t care what they think, but he is getting visibly annoyed. They think Danielle is going to bankrupt him. Marty defends his relationship and insists that it is equal.

The Joes bring up the dinner the night before and how disrespectful Danielle was about Marty’s children. Marty says Danielle is a challenge and that he likes that.

Good boy, Marty.

They move on to eating the conch. Joe Gorga can’t pronounce it. Lol.

They make even more jokes about Marty losing his balls, and Marty is deathly silent about it. I am dying. Joe B. calls Marty a bitch, and Marty does not like it, but I absolutely love it.

This is the kind of shit we only get from the Jersey men, and I am here for it. It feels like home.

Joe B. tries to backtrack, but he does it poorly, and Marty responds by throwing his drink all over Joe B.’s balls.

I die.

This is fabulous. I could watch this scene over and over.

Joe Gorga tries to save the day by explaining that the Joes were just busting Marty’s balls to see if he really loved Danielle. Great news! He passed.

Marty looks unconvinced.

Joe Gorga looks drunk.

Joe B.’s balls are still wet.

Joe Gorga tells us that it was no test, and Marty is IN for it.

He is so right.

Back in Jersey, Dolores and Jackie meet for lunch to discuss the Teresa situation. Jackie wants to reconcile with Teresa.

What’s to reconcile? They got off on the wrong foot and stayed there. Teresa hates her.

Dolores and Jackie gossip about Danielle, agree that she is crazy, and wonder how she can find 25 fiancés while Dolores can’t find one.

It’s a good question, and I have some theories.

None of them are safe for work.

Dolores thinks Jackie’s comment about Joe Giudice was out of line and completely understands why Teresa lost her shit over it. Jackie still thinks it was crazy that Teresa screamed and cursed at her.

Jackie acts like she has never seen the show.

We all know she was a superfan before being cast.

Dolores tries to explain Italians to Jackie.

Isn’t Jackie from Staten Island? Has she really never met an Italian?

Whatever.

Jackie explains that her parents were also arrested and that her dad “went away” while her mom was on house arrest. This happened when Jackie was in college. Dolores doesn’t really see the correlation to Teresa’s situation, but Jackie keeps explaining herself.

Jackie needs a lot of coddling.

Still, she and Dolores leave things on good terms, so I guess we will call that a win.

Oh, my God. Here it is.

Blink and you will miss it.

Back in the Bahamas, Joe Gorga comes stumbling through the sliding glass door into his room, spills his drink, slips, and face-plants directly onto the ground.

He is so drunk.

I live for this scene.

He gets himself back up, picks up his ice cubes, and makes his way over to the table. He grabs the leftovers from breakfast and says, “Thank God for leftovers” as he starts grabbing handfuls of bacon.

It is amazing.

This is why I love this episode.

Melissa comes in with Teresa and asks why Joe is wet.

Drunk Joey G. says he doesn’t know.

Joe tries to tell the two of them about the day with Marty and Joe B. He can barely get the story out between laughing and stuffing his face with food, but somehow manages to make it to the punchline: Marty throwing his drink all over Joe B.’s balls.

Joe Gorga tells Teresa and Melissa that he told Marty, “Don’t let the pussy whip you. You whip the pussy.”

Solid, old-school advice.

In Marge’s room, a fairly sober Joe B. also fills Marge in on the afternoon. She is super annoyed that Joe B. was teasing Marty like that the day before the wedding.

All the women agree Danielle is going to flip her lid when she hears about this.

I would be mad at my husband, too. Being a bridesmaid is bad enough. Don’t add more drama to the mix.

Especially not with Danielle.

Back in Jersey, Jennifer Aydin visits her dad and brother at her brother Michael’s jewelry store.

Jennifer wears SO much jewelry.

It’s a choice.

They discuss her brother’s engagement, and Jennifer explains a little about Syrian Orthodox marriage traditions. It’s actually interesting. I like learning about other cultures, and I enjoy seeing these little glimpses into the women’s families and backgrounds.

But let’s be honest: it’s nothing compared to Marty throwing his drink on Joe B.’s balls or Joe Gorga face-planting into his hotel room.

Those are the moments of this episode.

It’s time for Danielle’s rehearsal dinner, and everyone is getting glammed up.

Marge keeps talking about the weather and how it is going to rain. Danielle takes this super personally. It is clear she is not happy with Marge and may have already heard about the guys’ chat earlier that afternoon.

The tension between Marge and Danielle is thick, but Joe B. promises to keep his mouth shut.

Danielle, however, doesn’t waste any time questioning Joe Gorga about whether or not he said Danielle is only with Marty for his money. Marty says that Joe B. is in on it, too.

Joe Gorga gets scared and calls Joe B. over.

Danielle is not leaving any survivors, and Joe Gorga is not going down alone.

Danielle asks Joe B. if he thinks she is with Marty for his money, and there is a long, uncomfortable pause.

Oh, boy.

After some prodding from Marge, Joe B. says he is debating his answer before finally saying he was just busting Marty’s chops. Danielle thinks it all comes from Marge. Joe Gorga once again saves the day and says that the afternoon’s conversation just proved how much Marty loves Danielle. Danielle seems pleased, for now.

The wedding day dawns with no rain in sight, and Joe Gorga’s head hurts.

I bet.

Marge is still miffed at Joe B. for causing trouble. Danielle is getting ready when Melissa, Teresa, and Marge all arrive for hair and makeup with their hair wet.

I mean, she is pissed.

The women look scared and immediately scramble to dry their own hair. Danielle is especially hard on Marge.

Danielle starts in on the Joe B. comments again, and Marge has had it.

She is sick of Danielle picking at her the entire trip. Marge calls Danielle out for treating her worse than anybody else, and we see flashbacks of all the times Danielle has been on her case.

Danielle refuses to move past anything.

Marge is grossed out by Danielle’s behavior in general, and she finally reaches her breaking point. She says she is getting on a plane and leaving.

She won’t be in the wedding.

Marge storms off, and Danielle goes after her. Marge tells Danielle she needs to stop the bridezilla shit and back off of her.

Danielle is suddenly calm and apologetic.

She wants Marge to stay, and she gets her way. I think Danielle is used to getting her way.

Marge is starting to think Dolores was right about Danielle, and we see scenes of Dolores calling Danielle a “liar,” “psychopath,” and “scumbag,” so that about sums up what Dolores thinks about her.

Danielle comes out in her wedding dress, and she looks really pretty. The wedding setup on the beach is just breathtaking, and Danielle FINALLY looks happy.

The wedding goes off without a hitch. Marty and Danielle exchange vows, no one gets a drink thrown on them, and everyone is smiling.

It’s a beautiful wedding, but the star of the show, for me, is clearly the drunk Joes.

I laugh out loud at those scenes every time I see them, and they are so uniquely Jersey. It was fun digging them up.
RHOC, Season 12, Episode 18–The Real Vikings of Orange County: Iceland, Part 2

August 19, 2026

Still in Iceland, it’s 6:26 p.m. and Peggy has finally emerged from her room, looking weepy and mopey. She goes to Lydia’s room and says she just woke up. It is their last night in Iceland, and Lydia has organized a Viking dinner. Peggy feels like all of the women are speaking badly about her and doesn’t want to go.

Vicki thinks the women don’t understand Peggy. I just think Peggy sucks. She was the worst part of this whole season. Except maybe Lydia, the spoiled Jesus Princess.

Peggy starts going on and on about hearing Megan’s baby crying for ten minutes overnight. She calls Megan a “35-year-old giraffe” and questions how she raises her child. Peggy then claims all of the women were drunk and laughing at her all night. She has proof. She recorded it on her phone.

Not weird or creepy at all.

Even Lydia questions this. Peggy repeats the insensitive comment she thinks Kelly made about her dad. Peggy doesn’t understand analogies. She should take a course with Teresa Giudice.

Even Lydia realizes that Kelly was not insulting Peggy’s father. Peggy won’t hear it. Lydia asks her again to come to dinner, and Peggy makes her resting stank-ass bitch face. It’s a “no.”

The other women head to the Viking dinner and immediately start bothering the Viking performers. The performers don’t smile. They remind me of Peggy.

Vicki is ready to whoop it up. The drinks start flowing and the ladies are having fun, although Shannon is still pissy that Vicki and Tamra are being friendly.

Tamra tries to get Shannon and Vicki to interact a little. She wants Vicki to apologize to Shannon for spreading the David rumors. Vicki apologizes. Shannon accepts, but doesn’t want to talk about it. It feels like bullshit to Shannon because the apology is happening in front of everyone.

Shannon offers a cold “I appreciate it” and goes back to eating potatoes.

Vicki and Tamra start talking again, and Shannon is annoyed all over again. She is clearly jealous that they want to be friends again.

At 8:32 p.m., we are back at the hotel and Peggy has finally gotten dressed. She agrees to go to dinner with the other women because she doesn’t want Lydia to miss out on her own Viking dinner.

Peggy and Lydia finally arrive, and Peggy still has her stinky face on.

The women are all smiling and happy to see Peggy. Peggy cracks a half-smirk, then immediately whips out her phone. Everyone tries to greet her, and Kelly attempts to apologize. Peggy is just rude in response. Her face is something else. It’s not that she isn’t pretty. It’s the expressions. Ick.

Kelly gets mad. She has had it with The Peggy Show. Kelly’s anger management classes, court mandated, taught her to walk away from conflict, so that’s exactly what she does.

Meanwhile, Peggy is still stuck on the women being drunk and laughing the night before. She assumes they were laughing about her and starts playing the video she recorded on her phone. The women are shocked.

Then Peggy turns to Megan and says, “Megan, your baby was crying really bad in the room for 10 minutes.”

It is clearly a shot at Megan’s parenting. I don’t really get it. Megan has barely spoken the entire trip, so why go after her? The other ladies are pissed at Peggy for this.

Megan is timing her baby’s sleep and crying patterns to encourage her to sleep on her own. It’s a common practice, not bad parenting. Peggy seems determined to make it sound like Megan is neglecting her child, and the women are not having it.

Shannon is appalled by Peggy’s criticism and comes out with an icy, “How dare she?” Tamra agrees that Peggy is trying to make Megan look like a bad mom.

Vicki wants to stick up for Peggy, but apparently doesn’t have the balls. Megan is crying, and the whole dinner has gone completely sideways.

Vicki leaves and heads out to the van while the other women comfort Megan and tell Peggy to shut the hell up.

Peggy covers her face, says everyone is twisting her words, and refuses to speak to the other women. Shannon starts gesturing wildly, as she does.

Peggy tells Shannon that David is not honest with her. Tamra tells Peggy that Diko is a little bitch.

Oh, shit. Welcome to Iceland.

A crying Megan tells Peggy she is a “little odd,” which is probably the kindest and most accurate assessment of the night.

Kelly has had it and yells at Peggy, who storms out and announces that she is done with the trip. She stomps into the van and declares that no one else can come in. She is going to HER hotel, getting her OWN plane, and going home.

Well, snap, snap, and snap.

Peggy can’t believe Vicki didn’t have her back. Vicki tries to explain, but Peggy wants her plane.

The next morning, we learn that most of the women were up past 2:30 a.m. the night before. Kelly is exhausted. She calls Vicki and tells her Peggy bounced overnight and went home.

Vicki thinks it’s crazy, but I am so relieved. Hopefully that is the last Peggy scene of the episode, but I doubt it. Bravo really tried to make her happen.

Lydia is packing up and saying Iceland was a really fun experience. I’m not sure what trip she was on, but I must have missed that episode.

Back in the OC, Jimmy and Megan are getting ready for the party launching their candle company, and we see the other women at home with their families.

We land at Vicki’s, where she is with her grandchildren and Briana. Vicki tells them about the trip and her visit to the hospital. She is happy that Shannon and Tamra were nice to her and about the casserole they gave her.

And she didn’t even have to fake cancer to get it, so that’s cool.

Vicki isn’t really certain that Shannon accepted her apology. She swears she is going to stop repeating rumors. Even Briana doesn’t believe it.

Vicki’s grandkids are cute.

Oh, no. We are at Peggy’s.

But why though?

Peggy and Diko rehash the Iceland trip and her frantic calls to him. They seem like a loving couple, but they are also obnoxious, and I don’t like them.

Peggy gives her version of events and says the women used her as a punching bag. She thinks they twisted her words about Megan. Peggy thought Vicki would have stood up for her, but surprise, Vicki doesn’t do that.

Duh.

Diko needs a vacation from Peggy’s vacation, and so do I.

Shannon and Tamra visit Shannon’s doctor to review her blood work. She is concerned about her libido, weight, and mood swings. Her hormones are out of whack.

Maybe Kelly was right. Maybe she does need hormones for her body.

Vicki and Peggy meet for breakfast. Peggy checks in on Vicki’s health, and Vicki finally gives Peggy the hat she bought her in Iceland. Peggy seems unmoved. She would rather have an apology for what she considers Vicki’s betrayal on the trip.

Vicki tries to explain herself. It’s lame. She just isn’t a very good friend. We know this.

Vicki wants everyone to be kind to each other. Maybe she should lead by example, since she is the self-proclaimed founder of the show.

Shannon is home with her dog, Archie, and her bitch, David. Archie passed away recently, and that makes me sad.

David goes on and on about how much he works out while looking Shannon’s figure up and down. Shannon tells us the state of her marriage is not good. Has it ever been?

She feels like they are in limbo and tries to talk to David about it. He reluctantly sits beside her. Well, adjacent to her. David has some serious bitch face.

The way he looks at Shannon makes me sad for her.

Megan’s candle party is coming up, and David doesn’t know how he feels about seeing Vicki there. Shannon wants him there to support her, but he is completely checked out, fiddling with his wedding ring.

These two are a mess.
RHOC, Season 12, Episode 17–A Case of the Vickis: The Iceland Trip Part 1

August 19, 2026

The episode begins in Iceland at 9:15 p.m., with the sun shining brightly, because apparently Iceland has decided that nighttime is optional.

Vicki, who always manages to hurt herself on Housewives trips, is sick. Medics are rushing in to care for her, the women are concerned, and Peggy—why is she still here?—is hovering.

Peggy keeps telling the doctors and EMS workers to do their jobs and check Vicki for a fever, while simultaneously getting directly in the way of them doing their jobs. Literally, she will not shut up.

Tamra comes in to see what’s wrong. Vicki says she feels like her heart is racing. Peggy announces that there are too many people in the room.

Yeah. Like you!

Kelly comes in and finally tells Peggy to get the hell out of the way. She thinks Vicki is just having anxiety. Shannon dismisses it as palpitations, which she also experiences.

No one can figure out what Peggy is doing there.

The doctors eventually tell the women that they will not continue treating Vicki unless everyone gets out of the way. Peggy still won’t shut up.

Lydia wants to pray again.

Peggy says she wants to “nurture” Vicki, so naturally she continues hovering outside Vicki’s door and refuses to move. The women don’t understand Peggy’s reaction. Vicki is, after all, with a doctor.

EMS decides to take Vicki to the hospital because her blood pressure is high. Kelly is getting increasingly irritated with Peggy, and so am I. Peggy keeps telling Kelly to leave Vicki alone while simultaneously refusing to get out of everyone’s way.

Eventually, Vicki comes out of her room on a gurney with a robe draped over her face.

LMAO.

Only Vicki.

We get flashbacks of Vicki drinking over the last three days, and the women start wondering if she is simply exhausted. Everyone keeps reassuring Vicki that she is going to be fine.

Then Kelly pipes up with, “We don’t know if you will be fine, Vicki. You could totally have a heart attack.”

OMG.

I do love Kelly when she isn’t being political. She is something else.

Vicki goes to the hospital, and all of the other women agree that they need to eat.

Except Peggy.

Peggy is sulking because she thinks everyone is more interested in eating and drinking than they are in Vicki. Perhaps. But Kelly announces that she is going to dinner and will go to the hospital immediately afterward, so there goes Peggy’s theory.

Lydia wants to leave for the hospital right away, but Kelly needs her food. They eventually agree to go in rotations. Even Lydia thinks Megan and Kelly are being insensitive.

I think they’re just hungry.

Lydia heads to the hospital while the other women stay at dinner. Shannon needs vodka. STAT.

Peggy calls Diko and is extremely dramatic about everything. Diko is supportive, but tells her to go to the hospital right away.

Peggy always does what Diko says, so she heads over to tell the women that she’s leaving for the hospital.

At 11 p.m., it is finally dark in Iceland, and the other women are finally getting their food. They toast Vicki, and Shannon mumbles a “what a shame” about the whole thing.

LOL. Such sympathy.

Kelly keeps eating and insists that they will take shifts going to the hospital. Vicki and Shannon are barely even speaking to her at this point, so I don’t know why she is so concerned about taking shifts, but okay.

Megan asks Kelly to go check on Peggy, and it is a resounding NO.

Oh, Christ. Here comes Peggy.

Peggy is pissed that Lydia went to the hospital before her. Kelly explains that they are taking shifts.

LOL.

Peggy is sulky and annoying.

Peggy says she has to go because Diko told her to, and she respects her husband.

Kelly is officially over Peggy.

And when Kelly is over you, you better watch out.

Vicki and Lydia call from the hospital with an update, and the women warn Vicki that Peggy is on her way.

They all agree to bring Vicki a casserole, just like she wanted when Brooks was faking cancer.

Aww.

Lydia, Peggy, and Vicki eventually leave the hospital, and Vicki says her blood pressure was elevated, but now she has some medication and is good to go.

Meaning, she is going to rip that robe off her face and whoop it up!

They arrive back at the hotel at 12:45 a.m., and they are SO LOUD. I wonder what the actual hotel guests think is happening.

The women present Vicki with the casserole, and she is appropriately touched.

And hungry.

Vicki is also thirsty, so naturally, the women start drinking.

Because what else would you do after spending the evening in the hospital?

Suddenly, it is 1:45 a.m. and everyone is smashed, except Buzzkill Peggy.

Shannon finds it interesting that Vicki is drinking immediately after being in the hospital.

Meanwhile, Vicki and Tamra start to reconnect after a year of fighting following last season’s Ireland trip. They talk things out and begin working through their issues while Shannon looks on, whispering to Megan that Vicki is a terrible person and will hurt Tamra again.

Shannon doesn’t like sharing her bestie, methinks.

By 2:00 a.m., Tamra wants an apology from Vicki, and suddenly everyone except Megan is yelling.

Oh, my goodness.

Go to sleep.

These women never know when to call it a night.

Tamra and Vicki argue over who has hurt whom the most,, I would say it’s a draw. But anyway, Vicki still doesn’t understand that repeating a rumor is the same thing as spreading it.

Vicki is oblivious to the world.

Peggy is looking on, and I honestly didn’t even realize she was still in the room.

Why is she so creepy and annoying?

Vicki eventually apologizes, and she and Tamra make up.

Again.

For now.

Meanwhile, Shannon is sick to her stomach. Shannon is such a buttinsky. Her whispering to Megan is also getting increasingly creepy and manipulative. She tells Vicki that she hurts Tamra every week.

Shannon is a bitter Betty.

Shannon clearly does not want Tamra and Vicki to make up, and the second Vicki leaves the room to call Steve, Shannon gets right back in Tamra’s ear.

At this point, it must be around 3:00 a.m., and nobody is going to sleep except Megan’s baby.

These women have been traveling, drinking, fighting, going to the hospital, making up, and fighting again for what feels like an entire week, and somehow they are still going.

Shannon is determined to make sure Tamra doesn’t get too comfortable with Vicki again.

The next day, these crazies are up bright and early for a day of shopping.

I don’t know how they do it.

Shannon admits she is too tired and is going to stay at the hotel. That’s my kind of girl. Especially after a night like that.

Kelly is exhausted and reveals that she didn’t go to bed until 6:00 a.m. They all agree that the night before was a shit show.

We also get footage of Peggy and Kelly really going at it. Peggy tells Kelly, “Have your husband call my husband,” and Kelly responds, “Yeah, have your daddy call my daddy.”

Peggy takes this extremely personally because her father is deceased.

I don’t think Kelly meant it that way. I think she was trying to get Peggy to shut up and go away while also pointing out how ridiculous the whole situation was.

As we know, Kelly is not exactly careful with her words.

Meanwhile, Tamra realizes that she peed herself the night before.

She is still wearing the pants.

Lovely.

Peggy won’t come out of her room. She won’t even answer when the women knock.

Tamra starts wondering if Peggy actually went home.

Tamra and Vicki resort to yodeling outside her room for a bit, but Peggy still doesn’t come out.

Peggy is officially the Kelly Bensimon of this trip.

Major fun sponge.

They all agree to stick with their shopping plans and leave Peggy behind for a timeout.

We get flashbacks of Peggy being annoying, particularly toward Kelly. Kelly feels triggered.

Uh oh.

A triggered Kelly is a scary Kelly.

See Ireland.

The little town they visit is beautiful, and somehow everyone is having a great time without Peggy, even on approximately two hours of sleep. They decide to buy Peggy a hat.

Vicki and Shannon are getting along, which is nice to see. Lydia wants to pray about it or some shit. Shannon says she is just being polite, but admits that she is actually having a good time.

Lydia wants Shannon to move forward.

Um.

Shannon doesn’t do that.

By 3:00 p.m., they are back at the hotel and want to give Peggy her hat. This bitch is still locked in her room and still won’t answer anyone.

She is acting like a two-year-old.

Just go home if you are that miserable.

Peggy tells us that the night before was one of the worst experiences of her life and that Kelly insulted her while the other women laughed. She calls them “creatures” and says she doesn’t want to be around them.

She finally tells the women that she is fine, but that she wants some time to herself.

They give up.

The rest of this trip should be fun.

Hopefully, the ladies can stay out of the hospital.
RHOBH, Season 2, Episode 14–Malibu Beach Party from Hell: The Cat Meme Scene

August 18, 2026

In Beverly Hills, we start at Lisa Vanderpump’s house, where they are preparing for Pandora’s wedding and testing out different place settings. Lisa has a very clear picture of what she wants, and naturally, everything looks beautiful.

Kyle visits Paul’s plastic surgery office with her mother-in-law, Estelle, who is recovering from her facelift six weeks ago. She looks great. Kyle says she thinks plastic surgery is a personal choice and kind of acts like she doesn’t partake. Who is she fooling?

Adrienne and Brandi meet for lunch, back when these two were still friends—before Surrogate-Gate. They want bite-sized pizza, which is so Beverly Hills it hurts. Brandi wants to host a party for the girls and is planning to use her friend’s Malibu beach house for a wine tasting with some belly dancers. Adrienne thinks it sounds fun and different.

Over at Kyle’s, she is making margaritas for a Cinco de Mayo party with Faye Resnick. Blech. Her mother-in-law will also be debuting her new face. Portia is adorable and completely confused. Kyle makes dumb jokes at dinner. She thinks she is hilarious. She really isn’t. I am pretty neutral on Kyle, but my husband can’t stand her.

We cut to Lisa, who is getting ready to open the lounge at SUR. This is before Vanderpump Rules, but clearly the setup for the upcoming spin-off.

Adrienne is at her house showing Paul samples from her shoe line. This is the line that will lead to a big conflict later this season, so stay tuned. Adrienne is getting ready for Brandi’s party and fighting with Paul about who will walk the dog. She is always fighting with Paul.

Kim does some laundry. She is not going to the party. She still thinks Brandi is a “slut pig,” remember? This is when Kim still hates Brandi, long before she cries that Brandi is like a sister to her. Hmm. It’s fun looking back at this stuff knowing where everyone eventually ends up.

Camille, on her way to the party, is apprehensive about seeing Taylor after the tea party blowup, where Camille revealed that Taylor had told the women her husband was abusing her. We cut to Taylor getting ready for the party, and she is stressed, too. She doesn’t even want an apology. She doesn’t want to see Camille, but she is about to.

Taylor and Kyle head to the party together, and it is a long drive to Malibu. Luckily, they have champagne. Taylor dives right in. She is furious and grossed out that Camille revealed her abuse. Kyle doesn’t know what to think, but she believes Taylor is afraid Russell will hurt her when he hears what Camille said.

Camille says she has reached out to Taylor a couple of times, but Taylor is ignoring her. Meanwhile, Taylor is getting more and more buzzed and worked up during the limo ride, which does not exactly bode well for the evening.

Camille arrives first, and Brandi shows her around the house. Brandi’s wine is flowing, but not nearly as quickly as Taylor’s champagne.

Taylor and Kyle finally arrive, and Camille greets Taylor with an “I am sorry” and a hug. Taylor is distant and tells us she isn’t feeling it. She goes straight for a drink.

Brandi is also drunkish, but she is still fun, pretty Brandi from Season 2, and I love her. Kyle, meanwhile, makes fun of Brandi’s outfit—more specifically, her nipples. Kyle is mean. Brandi knows the women are talking about her, so naturally, she has another glass of wine.

One of Brandi’s friends comes out to teach the women how to belly dance. It looks fun. Kyle is obnoxious about it. She turns it into a joke, starts freestyling, and does her stupid splits. Is there any floor in Beverly Hills that she hasn’t pressed her vagina against? Brandi says Kyle likes attention, and she is absolutely right.

Meanwhile, Kyle is still completely focused on Brandi’s nipples, and honestly, it is repulsive.

Taylor is finding it hard to avoid Camille, so she steps outside by herself. Kyle is obnoxious again, because apparently she cannot help herself. Taylor eventually comes back inside, but she says she is not okay.

She starts talking about people she cannot trust, with Camille within earshot. Camille’s friend jumps in and says Taylor is being unfair. She confronts Taylor, who just wants to be left alone. Camille’s friend is super aggressive and wants Taylor and Camille to talk, but Taylor feels that Camille has put her child in danger by exposing her secret.

And this is where the party really starts to go off the rails. Taylor is clearly terrified and overwhelmed, while Camille’s friend seems determined to force a confrontation that Taylor absolutely does not want.

Camille’s friend keeps pushing, and Taylor finally snaps. She aggressively points at Camille and says, “You! Outside.” As if Camille is a cocker spaniel. Taylor is really worked up, and Camille’s friend is making things much worse. Camille looks completely perplexed as Taylor keeps yelling.

Then, Linda Thompson, of Elvis fame, is there. WTF? Camille’s friend will not shut up. Taylor gets dangerously close to the edge—literally—of the oceanside deck. Camille’s friend comes after her again, and Kyle tells her to get away from Taylor. For real.

Linda Thompson starts yapping about the beauty of the ocean and eternity, and nobody is listening. Not in this group. Taylor wants to speak with Camille alone, but, oh, fuck me, Camille’s friend is back and yelling at Taylor.

And then we get the moment that launched a thousand memes. Taylor points her finger and screams, “You have no idea what she has done to me!”

Brandi has had it. She tells Taylor it is time for her to leave. Taylor is shrieking, “It’s not fair!” Kyle and Taylor are pissed at Brandi, and suddenly hands are flying. Kyle tells Brandi, “Don’t ever touch me like that again.”

Linda Thompson says they should all behave like the evolved species they are. Oh, honey.

Camille’s friend still will not shut up, but thankfully, Kyle is getting Taylor out of there. Taylor completely breaks down in the car. All is not well here. As we now know. It’s really bad.